Gluing Glass
by SD130413
Summary: David Hayden broke Olivia's heart but one man realizes he could be the one to put it all together again, it may be like gluing glass where all the cracks will still show but does he manage to without cutting himself? Bolivia!
1. The Morning After The Night Before

**Yes, here it is a new story from SteffieDawn, I've been working on this for a while but I don't think I'll be uploading as fast as I have with Futures and Practising and I still have to finish a lot of my other stories!**

**This story will eventually be Bolivia but until then just enjoy the damn thing ... or try at least ;)**

**R&R please! :D**

Olivia rolled out of bed, her head screaming in protest but the alarm blaring reminded her that she had to go to work, it didn't matter about the self-inflicted pain in her head from the amount of alcohol she'd consumed.

She grabbed hold of her phone and slammed the alarm off before making her way to the bathroom. She had fourteen missed called, five text messages and one voice mail, all off the same person but she didn't want to reply to any of it so she cleared the phone but didn't delete the messages so that she could read them later… if she felt like it.

She showered in cold water rather than warm hoping to shift some of the hangover she knew that would bother her all day but that didn't matter, the pain in her head was better than the pain in her heart.

After the shower she went into the kitchen and made herself a strong black coffee before going to her bedroom to dress.

The past few weeks she'd been dressing up for work as she had a reason to, she'd put on some make up, do her hair in a nice way and wear clothes that hugged her very feminine figure with the slight muscular form. Today, she wouldn't be wearing any of that. She blow dried her hair but pulled it quickly into a scruffy bun in the back of her head, she dabbed concealer onto her face just to hide the bags under her eyes from where she'd cried herself to sleep but didn't bother with anything , then she pulled on a pair of loose sweat pants and a tank top with a cardigan, she didn't care about how she looked, she had no reason too.

After leaving her apartment thanking the Lord it was sunny so she could hide her eyes behind her sunglasses she went into the nearest coffee shop to get her usual before hailing a cab to work.

Once at the precinct she went straight to her desk, her head bowed to try and hide. Her partner who was already there spotted her immediately.

"Hey Olivia you ok?" Nick asked.

"Fine." She replied and he knew instantly she wasn't, not only from her appearance but from the hoarse answer she had given him, she'd been so happy the past few weeks and he knew straight away that something was up.

"You sure?" Nick pushed which was the wrong thing to do.

"Yes God damn it." She hissed as she dug through her drawer for some pain killers.

Nick retreated and glanced over at Fin who'd heard the confrontation. Fin just shrugged, he wasn't as in tune to Olivia as her partner was even if they were closer friends, Nick was just there all the time so got more of a look into her personal life.

Olivia's phone rang again and she looked at it, saw the name and quickly rejected it but as soon as she'd put the phone down on her desk it lit up again.

"Benson." She said lazily into the handset.

_Olivia, why did you leave so quickly last night?_

"I couldn't sit there anymore and have you being unable to look at me." She replied trying desperately to hide the cry that threatened to spill over.

_I thought… I was hoping we could still be friends, confidents, something._

"It's not going to work, please don't do this to me." Olivia pleaded quietly unaware of her partner listening intently.

_I'm so sorry Liv, I really thought we could have been something special_.

"I know… So did I… please don't call me again?"

_Don't do that Olivia…_

"Don't! It hurts too much and I can't… please don't… just speak to me when you have to … if… if you ever have to I mean it all depends right… just please don't call me again?" She sobbed and Nick couldn't help himself from going over and handing her a tissue as she finally pulled off her sunglasses revealing her swollen eyes from the previous night's crying.

_Fine, if that's what you want, just… just know I'm sorry and I love you Olivia that will never change._

"I know...God...I love you too." She replied before quickly hanging up the phone.

"Come on." Nick said pulling her by the hand, he wasn't about to let her break down in the middle of a full squad room.

He took her out of the precinct and down the block till they reached a coffee cart. After buying two coffee's he decided a full circle around the block would be good for her.

"Wanna talk about it?" Nick asked calmly.

"No." Olivia replied firmly.

"Ok, we can walk in silence." Nick replied.

"Why do men always leave?" She asked without thinking.

"I'm not going anywhere." Nick suggested.

"Yeah that's what he said too, thirteen years ago." Olivia snapped, again, not thinking.

"Is that who was on the phone?" Nick asked in surprise.

"Who?" Olivia frowned.

"Your ex-partner."

"No, God no, I haven't heard anything from Elliot in seven months." Olivia replied.

"So do I get to know who the man is I have to go and break his fingers for hurting my partner?" Nick asked gaining a smile off Olivia.

"No." Olivia still said. "It doesn't matter who he is."

"Olivia." Nick sighed. "I've been your partner for six months now and I trust you right and I thought you could trust me too."

"I do trust you Nick… much more than I thought I would if I'm honest." Olivia replied giving him a weak yet reassuring smile.

"Good." He smiled. "Now, I know in the past five months you've been much happier than you had been the first month we were partners, and you said on the phone 'I love you too' which suggest to me he said it first but seconds before you said that you're crying telling him not to call again. So he doesn't sound like someone who doesn't matter." Nick explained and Olivia chuckled lightly.

"You're right, he does matter, a lot. That's actually the problem here Nick, we're not allowed to be together because of the situation we're in and … it doesn't stop me from loving him or change the fact that I fell in love with him." Olivia explained.

"So you fell in love with David Hayden?" Nick asked and he chuckled when Olivia's head snapped up towards him. "I'm your partner Liv, you don't think I didn't notice the smiles you gave when he was around, the looks you flashed him from across the room, I may be a man but I am not dumb!"

"He took the new job running the conviction integrity unit, he's going to be looking through my old cases and because we couldn't disclose… the last five months never happened." Olivia sighed.

"But they did Olivia, even if they shouldn't have they still did and you both fell for each other, quickly might I add but you did and that's what's important." Nick said softly as they rounded the corner back for the station house.

"Yeah you're right, they did happen Nick but he can't… not now… his job means everything to him and I won't let him throw it all away for me, he suggested that he should but I couldn't… I couldn't allow him to do that." Olivia replied.

"Why not Olivia? If he's willing?"

"Because he'd resent me for it in the end." Olivia explained hurriedly. "Maybe not now, not ten months down the line not even ten years down the line but at some point he would end up blaming me and I couldn't live with that so I told him that him and I never happened, it's safer for both of us that way." Olivia explained just as they arrived outside the precinct steps. "Thanks for the coffee, and the talk." Olivia smiled.

"You're welcome, I'm your partner Liv so whenever ok?" He smiled and Olivia nodded gratefully.

**So what y'all think?**


	2. Coming Clean

**Ok this is a little AU with the ages Olivia's about 34, Bayard Ellis is 36 and everyone else is around there ok? lol!**

Olivia sat at her desk and took out the picture of herself and David she kept in her drawer. It was of the two of them on a carousel and they looked so happy and carefree. She hadn't been able to keep it on her desk but having it in the bottom of the drawer had always made her smile… just knowing it was there but now… now she didn't need pictures and even though she knew Nick was watching she tore the picture into four pieces and threw it into the trashcan beside her desk, what she didn't know is another person in the room was watching her tear the picture too.

"Olivia a word?" Cragen called from his office door.

Olivia nodded, closed her drawer and slowly made her way to the Captain's office.

"Shut the door." He said and Olivia frowned, he only ever did that when it was serious.

Once she'd closed the door she stood firm and crossed her arms defensively across her chest.

"Is uh, is everything ok?" He asked her softly.

"Uh Yeah why wouldn't it be?" She asked confused by his soft nature.

"Oh I don't know but I called you in here because you look like you took a knock to each eye and the second you walked in here I could smell the booze on you, being tee-total for as many years as I have the smell is much more noticeable." Don said the concern evident on his face even if it wasn't in his voice.

"I had a few last night, breathalyse me if you think I'm drunk but I'm not." Olivia replied, she wasn't in the mood for games but Don just leant back onto his desk.

"Is everything ok Olivia?" Don asked again but this time even his voice sounded full of concern.

"Yeah I'm fine, just listen to me…"

"No you listen to me." He snapped standing upright again. "Now I know you had a bit of a shock yesterday and the past couple of weeks have been tough with you finding out that you got a confession out of someone who wasn't even guilty but the point of the matter is Liv, you're a cop and a damn good one but you need to get your act together and fast."

Olivia looked downwards, she couldn't face looking at him when he looked at her so disappointed.

"Now I want you to take a personal day…"

"Captain…"

"It's non-negotiable Olivia and if you want me to force you into this and put it in writing so it marks your jacket I will. Go home, sober up some more and get some sleep." He told her.

Olivia didn't move but glared at him instead.

"Is there a problem Detective?" Cragen asked.

"Yes there is." Olivia hissed. "You may be my superior officer, sir, but that doesn't give you the right to try and judge how tough my week has been or that I need to get quote act together end quote, I'm fine, I had a few too many last night yes but who doesn't do that once in a while but like I said breathalyse me and you'll see I'm legally sober, I wouldn't have come in if I wasn't if you want to bench me because I look like hell then fine but sending me home…" Olivia rubbed her hand tiredly over her face and came to a stop, she didn't know what else to say.

Don looked at her in shock. Olivia had argued with him before but not like this, right now she was arguing against a direct order he'd issued which was one thing she hadn't ever done.

"Olivia…"

"I'm sorry." She said slowly shaking her head as she tried to regain her composure. "I shouldn't have…" Don's hand stopped her from saying anymore.

"You wanna talk about it?" Don asked softly.

"Uh no." She replied shaking her head a little further. "I'm fine." She added her voice cracking a little.

"Olivia…"

"I'll see you tomorrow…"

"Sit down." He said firmly. "Please."

Olivia nodded and took one of the empty seats while he walked around the desk and took his own.

"Something happen yesterday that you don't want to tell me?" He asked but Olivia shook her head in reply, she didn't quite trust her voice. "Something to do with what I told you about David Hayden?" Her head snapped up and her eyes met his, giving him his answer without words.

"We were together." She told him.

"For how long?" Don asked.

"Five months." Olivia replied. "Not that it matters now Don, it's over."

"He…"

"My decision." Olivia interrupted knowing what he was going to say.

"Ok." Don nodded.

"Just ok? You're not mad that I lied to you for five months? Put cases in jeopardy every time we worked with him?" Olivia asked quite angrily.

"I should be but you said it's over now so that's good enough for me." Don replied not knowing what else to say.

"Fine are we done?" Olivia asked.

"Not quite." Don answered knowing Olivia was eager to escape his questions. "What… what happened between you?"

"Uh…" Olivia wasn't sure this was a question to be having with her superior. "After you told me yesterday I met him for drinks at a bar we both like and… and I congratulated him and we talked about the fact we never disclosed our involvement and that it was too late and he said he could quit but… but I told him not too and we mutually agreed to separate and pretend the last five months never happened."

"But it's tearing you apart." Don noted.

"It was five months of my life I gave that man." Olivia replied. "I… I fell in love with him."

He could see the tears sparkling in her eyes and felt awful, he should have known that there was more than a close friendship between his detective and the EADA but he'd hoped there wasn't more because both of their jobs would have been on the line.

"Can I… can I go now?" Olivia asked in a broken voice that Cragen had only ever heard once before.

"Sure, just take the day and if you need more time Olivia let me know ok?" Cragen said.

"Sure." She replied. "Thanks."


	3. Facing the Music

Once back in her apartment Olivia lay down on the couch and began to sob, she thought she was much stronger than this but evidentially she had been wrong, this hurt so much.

Eventually she cried herself into a restless sleep that was plagued with nightmares.

"_Jenna! Jenna no!" Elliot's voice echoed across the bullpen._

_She looked from her partner to the teenager who was slowly lifting her gun up again and Olivia heard a gunshot…_

"No!" She screamed sitting bolt upright.

She took a deep breath and allowed a sob to escape her. She should have been over this by now… she had been when she'd been with David but… now… now the nightmares were back and it scared her how quickly the dreams could come back to haunt her, the dreams where he didn't fire but she did, killing her best friend who'd failed to talk to her in the nine months since he'd been gone.

As she regained control of her breathing she heard the buzzer of her door go. She groaned and lay back down pulling the comforter from the back of the couch and pulling it over her. Seeing the light on the DVD player flashing that it was seven pm she realised she'd slept the day away.

The buzzer wouldn't stop so slowly she got off the couch and walked over to the intercom.

"Who is it?" Olivia asked weakly.

"It's me Nick." He replied.

"Come up." She sighed knocking the button to open the door.

She opened her apartment door and shuffled back to the couch not caring anymore what she looked like. She curled up under the comforter and waited for Nick to enter.

"Hey Liv." He said softly as he set down a carrier bag on the coffee table followed by a box of coffee.

"Hey." Olivia replied. "Sorry I'm not much company."

"That's ok, I just thought you might not want to be alone." Nick replied softly and Olivia pushed herself up to sitting curling her legs beneath her and pulling the comforter tight around her as Nick passed her one of the coffees.

"Thanks." She smiled gratefully.

"So cap sent you home." Nick said as he pulled Chinese cartons and chopsticks from the carrier bag.

"Yeah." Olivia sighed. "I spent the whole day sleeping."

"You deserve a break Liv." He smiled. "By the way it's your favourite." He laughed as he handed her the carton.

"Thanks Nick you really shouldn't have." She smiled back.

"You're my partner, for better or worse Liv." Nick smiled and Olivia's tears instantly spilled down her cheeks as a memory penetrated her mind.

"Shit, what did I say?" Nick asked handing her a box of tissues.

"Nothing. God I'm a mess." She chuckled trying to make light of the situation, she'd never let Elliot see her this vulnerable but with Nick it seemed easier, probably because she didn't care if he thought she was weak.

"No you're not your heart broken, it's ok to be sad." Nick smiled reassuringly.

"You know I've had my fair share of men over the years but David… I thought he was different." Olivia shrugged. "But enough about me and my problems fill me in on what I missed."

"Well it was a quiet day, seemed like the rapists of Manhattan took a day off so we were just catching up on our fives and listening to John and Munch banter all day, they were asking after you though I didn't tell them I mean it's not my place." Nick told her and she smiled gratefully.

"Thanks Nick." She said as she dug into her food, she hadn't quite realised how hungry she was.

"And Cragen was in a foul mood all day." Nick added.

"I would probably say that has something to do with me." Olivia chuckled weakly. "Ah well."

"Don't worry about it Liv." Nick smiled.

* * *

After Nick left Olivia had a few shots of whisky before bed. Not enough to give her a hangover but enough to just dull the pain so she could get to sleep.

When the alarm rang the next morning she followed her usual morning routine and this time opted for some jeans and a sweater followed by a little bit of makeup just to make herself look presentable even if she did just pull her hair back again, she was now putting on a face for everyone.

Once she walked into the precinct she sat at her desk and went through her mail and emails, caught up with some of her fives and ignored everything else going on around her. It wasn't till she heard two familiar voices coming from the corridor that Olivia even bothered looking up from her desk.

Olivia turned her chair to see Bayard Ellis and David Hayden having a very heated argument. She groaned inwardly and turned back to her desk hoping they wouldn't notice her.

"Olivia." Nick said and he nodded his head behind her.

She turned and saw both men approaching her.

"Shit." She mumbled under her breath. "Chief, Councillor what can I do for you today?" Olivia asked trying to sound as normal as she could.

"Detective Benson could we see you in Captain Cragen's office?" David asked and Olivia nodded and tried to hide how hurt she was about how dry he sounded with her.

In Cragen's office she leant against the wall with her arms crossed defensively while David and Bayard talked about the reason they were there. She wasn't listening to them, she was distracted by her own thoughts and pain from having to be in the same room as Hayden so soon after their breakup.

"It's just fair, we want a statement from Detective Benson to see if we have a reason to check this case out." David explained.

Don was trying not to snap at Hayden as badly as he wanted to. Olivia was one of his 'kids' and the man in front of him had hurt her badly but he knew it wasn't his place to interfere.

"Listen are you just going to go after all of Detective Benson's cases?" Cragen asked Bayard.

"No but when this one landed on my desk I thought I should take a look, the more I looked into it the more I realised I should bring it to David." Bayard explained, he would never go after Olivia, he liked her too much for that and she was a good cop with a good heart.

"Olivia what do you think?" Don asked and that's when all three men realised she wasn't even paying attention.

"Olivia?" Don tried again.

"Liv!" Hayden snapped making her jump and look at them.

"What?" She asked calmly as she regained herself.

"We need to question you about the Harris Case." David explained and Olivia looked at Cragen as a horrified expression filled her face.

"Is there a problem Detective?" Bayard asked.

"N-no, no, no problem." She stuttered, the only person who knew what happened in the basement of Sealview prison was her shrink and Fin.

"Good then can we get on with it?" David snapped and Olivia nodded.

"Use the interview room." Cragen said. "Olivia I will be supervising the questioning."

"Sure." She nodded as her mouth went dry and her head felt light.

"You ok Detective?" Bayard asked as she rubbed her hand across her forehead.

"Fine." She replied. "Let's get this over with because I can tell you that Lowell Harris is as guilty as sin." Olivia snapped as she led them out the door.

"But to be fair you said that about Omar Penya too." David snapped back.

Olivia stopped and turned to him but seeing Cragen shaking his head behind him she bit her bottom lip and walked straight into the interview room without reply.

Once everyone was sat down David put the voice recorded on the table and knocked the record button.

"Detective Benson you understand that this is just an informal questioning?" David asked.

"Uh yes." Olivia replied after glancing nervously at Cragen who was stood by the door.

"Ok Lowell Harris never confessed to his crime but was locked up based on an identification the victim made about a mole on his penis, he says that you knew about the mole before the victim identified it and that you told the victim where it was so that he was convicted of the rape." David replied.

Olivia swallowed hard. Why would he say that she knew about the mole? He was putting himself in the position of it coming out he sexually assaulted a cop.

"Uh- Um…" Olivia couldn't say anything her mouth had gone so dry.

"Olivia if you did and tell us now then we can deal with this without informing IAB." David said reaching for her hand which she snapped back quickly which didn't go unnoticed by Bayard Ellis.

"I would _never_." She said firmly. "_Ever_."

"How would you know that there was a mole on the defendant's penis?" David asked dryly and Olivia's face paled and she felt nauseous.

"I'm gonna be sick." She said jumping to her feet and rushing out the door.

She made it to the sink in the bullpen before everything she'd eaten that morning came up. Fin who was the only one in the bullpen rushed over and rubbed her back.

"Liv you ok?" He asked.

"No." She replied shaking her head as tears spilled down her cheek. "They're asking me about Harris."

Fin felt a knot tighten in his stomach, he knew everything, he'd sat in her apartment and held her while she sobbed because he was the only one she could talk too because he'd seen what had happened.

"What do they wanna know?" Fin asked.

"Asked first if I told the victim Ashleigh about the mole and then…" Olivia heaved again and Fin pulled her hair back as she rested her head on her arm. "Then asked me how I knew about the mole." She explained shakily.

Fin turned around to see Cragen, David and Bayard all stood outside the door of the interview room. Olivia pushed her head up enough while she heaved again.

"I can't go through this again." She whispered as the tears stung her ears.

"You don't have to." Fin replied turning back to the shaking woman.

"They're not going to drop this till I tell them and I… I can't Fin. I know it was four years ago but … but it still feels like it was yesterday." She explained shakily.

"I know. Want me to tell them?" Fin asked as Olivia ran the water to clean up the mess she'd made.

"No." She replied shakily. "No if I don't tell them… I can't go through all this again Fin I moved on, I got help and I moved on from it."

"Ok, just tell them Olivia and if worse comes to worse… I walked in Olivia I know what I saw." Fin said rubbing her back reassuringly.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded pouring herself a mug of coffee. "It's time to face the music." She sighed before walking off.

Fin watched her enter the interview room with the three men and he felt for her, telling someone about a sexual assault was hard, telling someone four years later when you hadn't told anyone before would make it even harder.

"Sorry about that." Olivia said as she sunk back into a chair pleased that she now had a coffee mug to occupy her shaking hands.

"It's ok, are you ready to continue?" David asked and Olivia nodded weakly, there was no way out of this now.

He knocked the record button on the player again and Olivia looked apologetically to Cragen, she knew he wasn't going to be pleased that she had hidden this for so long.

"The reason I knew about the mole on Lowell Harris' penis is because he tried to orally rape me." She said looking into her mug.

The whole room was silent, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the four people's breathing.

Cragen was the first to move. He quickly grabbed the door and hurried out the room and Olivia dropped her head into her hand to hide the tears that were about to spill.

"Detective Benson." David said softly. "Do you have any proof?" He asked and Olivia nodded without looking at him.

"Detective Tutuola walked in as he was about to." Olivia replied.

David followed Cragen and went straight out the door and Olivia who'd forgotten all about Bayard Ellis allowed a sob to take over her body. Bayard quickly knocked the recording off and took Olivia's hand from her coffee mug and held it tight giving it a reassuring squeeze as she tried to gather herself.

"Sorry." She sniffed.

"Don't apologise." Bayard replied.

Olivia didn't say anymore, she thought she would have been able to hold it together but the combination of the heartbreak from breaking up with David on top of this was a nightmare. Bayard's heart cracked, Olivia was a very close friend, they spent time together having coffee outside of work and he hadn't asked her along to meet his daughter and her softball team if he didn't want her to be a part of his personal life.

David walked into Cragen's office and found the Captain pacing up and down the floor.

"Did you know about this?" David asked.

"Of course I didn't. If I had I would never have let you talk to her!" Cragen yelled angrily.

David ran his hand down his face in frustration.

"I'm going to need to talk to Tutuola." David said.

"Why?" Cragen asked coming to a stop.

"Because after you stormed out she said that he witnessed it, he walked in just when he was about to…" David couldn't even say it without feeling the need vomit.

Cragen marched straight over to the door and yelled for Fin to come into the office. Fin knew what it was about and didn't hesitate.

"You knew?" Cragen asked as soon as the door was shut.

"Yes." Fin replied, there was no point trying to lie.

"What the hell happened Fin?" Cragen snapped.

"I don't know the full story only what she gave me and what I saw." Fin replied hurriedly.

"Then tell me!" Cragen yelled.

"He took her down to the basement, told her he was taking her to the hole but he obviously wasn't. He attacked her but she fought back but then he handcuffed her to a barred door and when I walked in Olivia was screaming and he had his pants down and his hand wrapped in her hair." Fin replied hurriedly before his Captain exploded. "She says I got there before anything happened."

"It explains how she knows about the mole." David said. "Doesn't prove that she didn't tell the victim."

"You know David right now I am very close to hitting you, you break her heart then you come in here digging up shit she'd obviously put to bed, I think you should leave and send someone else from the conviction integrity unit to deal with this." Cragen snapped forgetting Fin was there and didn't know about Olivia and the ex EADA.

"Fine." He replied. "I should go."

Fin and Cragen watched as David hurried off both of them panting with anger.

"Olivia was dating Hayden?" Fin asked eventually.

"You heard nothing." Cragen warned. "Now get back to work."

In the interview room Olivia had calmed down enough to talk.

"Sorry." She said again. "The only person who knew was Fin, I didn't report it."

"Did you ever see anyone about it?" Bayard asked gently.

"Yeah." Olivia replied. "I saw a shrink, I got some help and dealt with it, not before I almost put a bullet in a marine's head though." Olivia chuckled weakly.

"Well if it's almost and you've still got a job I think you're good." He replied with a small laugh. "Now what says you and me get out of here?"

"Bayard I'm working." Olivia replied as she wiped under her eyes.

"Come on its school vacation and my daughter is dying to meet you, I told her a while ago you'd come to softball practise and you never did but they've got a practise this afternoon and then a game this evening." Bayard replied. "She'd like it if you were there…" He teased knowing she wouldn't be able to say no.

"I'll clear it with Cragen." She replied having never been one for letting any child down.


	4. Softball, Pizza and Ice Cream

**I'm so surprised to see so many of you liking this story. Just a message about Bayard's daughter, I'm sure in the first episode he appeared in he invited Olivia to help him coach his daughters softball team, hence where this idea came from.**

**Thanks for you reviews! Keep em coming!**

The drive over to the softball pitch had been quiet, Olivia was brooding after David and Bayard didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. They exited the car and walked towards the pitch where a team of girls in red and white softball uniforms were all messing around and being silly, some of them doing some a-typical warm ups.

"Molly!" Bayard called.

A young girl stopped throwing a ball and looked towards the hill Bayard and Olivia had stopped at the bottom of. Molly chucked the ball at her friends and rushed over, diving into Bayard's arms in the process and he lifted her up and spun her around once.

"Dad you're late!" Molly laughed as he rubbed her braided afro.

"Sorry Mol' I was working." He replied as she went on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek. "Molly, this is Olivia, Olivia my terrible thirteen year old daughter Molly."

"Oh so you're Olivia…" The girl said in a knowing manner as she shook Olivia's hand.

"Uh yeah." Olivia glanced nervously at Bayard who looked almost as if he was blushing. "It's good to meet you Molly." She smiled.

"Good to finally meet you to, Dad talks about you all the time." Molly said and it was Olivia's turn to blush.

"Molly come on!" One girl called from the pitch.

"Uh that's Lynette she's my throwing partner, catch you later." Molly ran off and Bayard chuckled nervously.

"She's beautiful." Olivia smiled as she looked over at the girl with skin lighter than her father's but the same piercing brown eyes.

"Yeah she is." Bayard replied. "She's my world." Bayard added and Olivia could hear in his voice that the young girl meant everything to him.

"So uh, what did she meant about you talking about me all the time?" Olivia teased as she tucked a lose piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't." He chuckled. "Not all the time but I have told her about you otherwise she wouldn't have been excited to meet you."

Olivia blushed and looked from Bayard back to the pitch.

"So you want meet the rest of the team?" He asked taking off his tie.

"Uh sure." Olivia replied with a smile, it was awkward enough meeting his daughter.

"Ok girls gather round!" Bayard called as he and Olivia walked to the pitch. "Right tonight we play to win ok?"

"Yeah!" The girls cheered.

"So I want you to do four laps and then quickly split into your two's so we can get a good practise in before the big game." Bayard called and as soon as Bayard finished talking the team broke up and started running.

"So how often do you do this?" Olivia asked as Bayard pulled off his jacket and walked over to the edge of the pitch to where the team's bags were.

"Twice a week, it's my way of being able to spend some time with Molly. I mean being a single father you'd think I'd be able to spend all the time in the world with her but between all her clubs and my work… we don't get as much time as we used to and so years ago I set this up and it just got more and more popular and before we knew it we were playing in the New York's young ladies league." Bayard explained as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

"That's so sweet." Olivia smiled, it warmed her heart to hear of a father doing something so meaningful with his daughter.

* * *

After practise was over the team were picked up by parents and carpools and headed out with a warning to be at the pitch in good time before the game.

"So Molly what do you say we go for Pizza?" Bayard asked as he pulled on his jacket, Olivia thought it was brilliant seeing him hurry around the pitch refereeing the game that took place even Olivia had joined in to make the teams even and impressed Molly when she saw how good Olivia was at the game.

"Can Olivia come?" Molly asked as she tapped her bat against her foot.

"Well you'll have to ask her if she wants too." Bayard said smiling at Olivia who was sipping away at a bottle of water.

"Olivia?" Molly said dragging out her name and making it obvious she was about to ask something. "Would you join us for pre match pizza?"

"Uh sure if it's ok with your Dad." Olivia replied with a smile quite surprised at the barely teenager's invite.

"Dad she said she will!" Molly yelled excitedly.

"Well lets go then because we've got a big game tonight!" Bayard smiled as Molly slipped her hand into her father's making it ever more obvious that Bayard and his daughter had a very special relationship for her to be thirteen and not caring about holding his hand.

They arrived at the pizza store and Bayard ordered two very large pizza's for them all to share and Olivia found herself relaxing and enjoying herself with them.

"So Olivia what's your job?" Molly asked.

"I'm a cop." Olivia replied knowing better than to give any more details than that to someone so young.

"She's a Detective Mol' a very good one at that." Bayard added and Molly grinned.

"Dad always complains about cops." Molly said and Bayard and Olivia laughed. "He says they get in the way of him doing his job."

"It works the other way actually, it's people like your dad who gets in the way of us doing ours." Olivia chuckled flashing a wink over at Bayard.

"No I just make sure they do their job properly so that real bad guys go to jail when the ones who aren't bad don't get sent to jail because of their mistakes." Bayard said and Olivia and Molly laughed.

"I think you two are never going to agree on that." Molly said and Olivia and Bayard both agreed whole heartedly. "So how did you two meet?" Molly asked as she ate and Olivia looked at Bayard unsure how much to tell the young girl about how they met, she wasn't sure how wise the girl was or how Bayard had explained his job to her.

"Well Olivia was working as Detective on a case where I became the Lawyer." Bayard said. "And she was really mad at me when I won and I found her sitting on a wall looking very miserable and I stopped to talk to her and we became friends from there I guess."

"Uh huh." Molly replied. "What was the case?"

"Oh Mol' you know I don't like talking to you about my cases." Bayard replied.

"Oh come on Dad I read your files." Molly replied and Bayard chuckled.

"You're too bright for your own good Moll. It was a rape case where a black man was accused of raping a white woman." Bayard replied.

"Did he do it?" Molly asked seemingly unfazed and Olivia was too distracted by the communication that she didn't even realise the question.

"Olivia seems to think so." Bayard replied.

"But you don't?" Molly asked.

"No I don't." Bayard said softly looking awkwardly at Olivia. "Like I said to Olivia when she was sulking on the wall…"

"None of us really know what happened." Olivia finished for him and both Bayard and Molly looked at her with matching grins. "What?"

"You remember the exact words he told you?" Molly asked.

"Yeah, shows I was listening doesn't it?" Olivia laughed.

"No it means you like my Dad… Olivia likes my Dad… Olivia likes…"

"Enough Molly." Bayard replied quite firmly and Molly just laughed. "Sorry." He said to Olivia but she just made a hand signal to show that it didn't matter. "So you do remember what I said to you." Bayard said in surprise.

"I have carried it with me on every case since Bayard because you're right, neither of us know really what happened, I believe her you believe him and we fought for our sides and in the end you won, the jury agreed that the people hadn't met their burden and proved beyond a reasonable doubt that he was guilty. It happens." She shrugged.

"Ok seriously guys this conversation has gotten way to serious." Molly said in a funny voice making the two adults laugh. "Now I'm done with Pizza can I please have some ice cream?"

"It's tradition Mol'." Bayard smiled handing over the desert menu. "You'll have some Liv?" He asked and Olivia nodded and smiled.

Once the ice cream was served and Molly dragged Olivia to the decorate it yourself area the three sat back around the table talking some more.

"So do you two come for Pizza and Ice Cream before every game?" Olivia asked.

"Hell yeah ever since that very first game." Molly replied cheekily.

"I wanted her to relax before her first game and Pizza and Ice Cream worked." Bayard explained and Olivia smiled and nodded.

"Are you gonna watch the game?" Molly inquired hopefully.

"Yeah I wouldn't miss it." Olivia smiled feeling very honoured to have been asked not only to dinner but now to watch the game too.

"Good because if we win tonight we're in the play offs." Molly smiled. "And if we win tonight you're not allowed to miss a game because you're going to be our new good luck charm."

"Molly." Bayard warned.

"What?" Molly frowned at her father.

"Olivia is a cop, her job is very demanding sometimes she won't be able to make it to your games." Bayard explained and Olivia's heart cracked seeing the disappointment on the young girls face.

"If you win and give me the dates I'll come to as many as I can ok? I'll try and be at them all but as much as I wish I could I can't promise." Olivia told her and she smiled and nodded at the Detective saying that she was happy with that arrangement.

"Thank you." Bayard mouthed to Olivia, seeing her make his daughter happy really made him happy too.

* * *

"I can't believe we won!" Molly cheered as Bayard lifted her onto his shoulder showing to Olivia that he was much stronger than he looked.

"You deserved it Molly you were great out there." Olivia smiled, she was really having fun.

"Now it's time for post-match hot dogs Dad." Molly said as he lowered her to the ground.

"I know!" He laughed.

"Will you come Olivia?" Molly asked and Olivia looked at Bayard who nodded his permission.

"Sure Molly, I'd love to celebrate with you guys." Olivia smiled as Molly slipped her hand into the Detective's and the other hand into her Father's.

"And you promise you're going to try and come to all the play offs?" Molly asked.

"Absolutely." Olivia grinned, she couldn't believe how warm and loving the thirteen year old was.

"Good because the girls agree that you're our good luck charm!" Molly laughed as did both Bayard and Olivia.

* * *

After having hotdogs and soda Bayard and Molly drove Olivia back to her apartment and she invited them both up for coffee as she didn't want the evening to end yet.

"Molly I have some hot chocolate if you want?" Olivia suggested as she made herself and Bayard their coffee's.

"Yes please." Molly replied shyly, being in her own territory was different to being in someone else's.

"Thank you for today Olivia, I haven't seen Molly that happy since… well since a long time." Bayard said.

"She's a great kid Bayard." Olivia smiled. "And thank you for giving me time away from everything, I haven't had this much fun since… well since a while." Olivia replied and Bayard realised they both wanted to say something personal but couldn't quite get the words out.

Once in the living room Olivia put the TV on for Molly and as she sat on the couch Molly snuggled into her side surprising both Bayard and Olivia.

"So are you working tomorrow?" Bayard asked knowing tomorrow was a Saturday and he was off.

"Yeah I'm catching with Nick tomorrow." Olivia sighed.

"How is it working with someone new, I mean you and your ex-partner were together for thirteen years." Bayard said.

"Yeah at first it was difficult working with someone else but I soon found Nick to be a great guy, a little green but he's good." Olivia replied. "I trust him to have my back which you have to have in a partnership like ours."

"Of course, he seems a good cop." Bayard replied.

"Oh he is, I knew that from day one, he came from Narcotics with a great track record." Olivia smiled as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through Molly's hair who unbeknownst to the two adults had fallen asleep.

"Well I have the day off tomorrow and I'm thinking of taking Molly up to Coney, it's a shame you're working." Bayard said hinting to the fact he wanted to invite her.

"God I haven't been to Coney Island for a day out in years only for… well cases." Olivia shuddered thinking about a place that could bring so much joy to people had a horrifying dark side too.

"Lovely." Bayard chuckled knowing the types of cases Olivia was thinking about. "Well I should get this madam home." He laughed nodding his head towards the sleeping teen.

"Oh cute, I can't believe she fell asleep." Olivia smiled.

"I can't believe I have to wake her, she's cranky when you wake her." Bayard laughed.

"Molly." Olivia said softly nudging the girl. "Hey Molly it's time to wake up sleepy head."

"Ugh… no sleeping…" Molly mumbled and Olivia and Bayard both laughed.

"Come on Molly time to go home." Bayard called making the little girls eyes open wide.

"Where am I…Oh yeah sorry I feel asleep on you." Molly said as she stretched.

"It's ok." Olivia smiled as she pushed herself to standing. "Maybe if it's ok with your Dad and I don't have to work one night you and me can have a girls only sleep over?" Olivia suggested childishly.

"Yeah Dad? Please?" Molly asked.

"We'll see." Bayard laughed meaning yes but they would have to wait and see how things went first.

"Ok, thanks for coming tonight Olivia and I'll make sure Dad tells you when the next game is." Molly smiled embracing the Detective.

"You're welcome and thank you for having me I had a great time." Olivia smiled embracing her back. "Come on I'll walk you both down."

Once out in the cold Bayard and Olivia put Molly in the car and shut the door. He then turned to Olivia with a smile.

"See I told you it would take your mind off of everything." Bayard smiled and Olivia grinned back.

"It did, Thank you I really did enjoy myself and Molly's a great girl." Olivia replied.

A moment of awkwardness past between them while Olivia wrapped her arms around herself to keep the cold out. Bayard leant in and dropped a soft kiss onto her cheek and then pulled away quickly blushing.

"Good night Liv." He smiled.

"Night." She smiled back trying to hide how giddy he had made her feel.

"Go in before you freeze, it may be summer but these nights are still cold." Bayard laughed and Olivia nodded waved to Molly and rushed off indoors feeling happier now than she had in days.


	5. Murder and Facebook

**Hey guys, I haven't quite finished the latest chapter of practising its a long and complicated one and I'm still not happy with it so will be up once it's done until then here's a new chapter of Gluing Glass**

The next morning Olivia felt great when she climbed out of bed. She'd slept without a drink, and her sleep hadn't been plagued with nightmares. After her shower she spent time styling her hair and putting on her makeup knowing that if she felt great she should look great too.

She bought coffee for everyone on the way to the precinct and once she'd handed them out she sat at her desk with a bright smile on her face and it was obvious to everyone in the room that she was in a great mood.

"Benson, Amaro you got a case Warner's on scene." Don said coming out of the office.

Nick grabbed the slip with the location and Olivia grabbed her coat and coffee before they walked out their steps falling in sync.

Once in the car Nick took the drive as an opportunity to question his partner.

"You look good." Nick said.

"Uh thanks." She replied not understand what he meant.

"I mean better than you have the last couple of days." He explained and she nodded. "So what did you do after you left the precinct with Ellis yesterday?"

Olivia tried not to groan, she hadn't been thinking when she allowed Bayard Ellis to lead hear out of the squad room yesterday.

"Oh just went home, ran some errands, you know stuff I don't get to do when I'm working." Olivia explained shrugging.

"Oh so you didn't go with Ellis anywhere yesterday?" Nick asked seriously.

"Does it matter if I did?" Olivia asked not giving him an answer in so many words but giving it in a different way.

"No. No, just wanting to make sure you're good that's all." Nick replied keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

"Everything's fine and if you really want to know I went to watch his kid play softball." Olivia replied hoping that would be enough of an explanation.

"So watching his kid play softball put you in a good mood?" Nick pressed and Olivia chuckled softly.

"No, the three of us went to dinner and his kid's great and she really likes me so that's a good thing and it was nice to relax for a change because even with David we talked a bit about work… it was nice to forget everything for a few hours." Olivia explained and Nick broke out into a grin. "What?"

"Nothing. Just good to see you smile again." He explained pulling up at the crime scene tape.

"Thanks." She replied unsure what else to say about it.

* * *

After investigating the crime scene and filling everyone in at the precinct Olivia had some time while Munch filled the information in on Bessie the computer and Fin and Rollins went to notify the parents of the thirteen year old girl.

Olivia sat at her desk with tears dripping down her face. She was hiding them well but seeing the body of Deshawnda Garrison had reminded her so much of Molly that it had hit her hard, she'd already fallen in love with the bright and bubbly thirteen year old.

"You ok?" Nick asked as she reached for a tissue.

"Yeah the kids just reminded me of another kid I know. Never… never experienced it before I think I'm just overwhelmed." Olivia explained.

"It's ok it's happened to me plenty of times, you see a kid you think of your own." Nick replied reassuringly.

"I'm just going to go up to the cribs and get cleaned up." Olivia chuckled weakly knowing she had make up streaks down her face.

Nick watched her go until she disappeared at the top of the stairs and then turned towards his computer when he spotted a young girl walking nervously into the bullpen.

"Can I help you?" He asked getting to his feet.

"I'm looking for Olivia." She said vulnerably.

"Ok, Olivia's just upstairs but if you sit here at her desk I'm going to go and get her ok?" Nick said softly and the girl went to Olivia's desk chair and sat down allowing the seat to almost swallow her whole which made Nick chuckle, their large leather desk chairs always made kids look much smaller than they were.

He went upstairs and knocked on the door of the cribs before entering.

"Hey we needed?" Olivia asked as she was putting some fresh mascara on in the tiny mirror of her locker.

"No there's a kid come in asking for you." Nick said running his hand through his hair. "I think she's the kid you were thinking about when you saw Deshawnda this morning."

"Molly?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"She didn't say her name just said she was looking for you she's sitting at your desk." Nick said as she closed her locker door and followed him out of the cribs.

"Olivia!" Molly grinned as Olivia walked down the stairs.

As soon as Olivia got off the last step Molly was wrapped up around her waist.

"Hi Mol'." Olivia smiled returning the embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I was supposed to be at the summer sports club in school today but three of the coaches were in an accident and cancelled, they tried to call Dad but he's in court and … well I don't have any family and told them you were my aunt and one of them drove me here and watched me come in because it was a police station." Molly explained without letting go of Olivia.

"Molly you're shaking what's wrong?" Olivia asked.

"The accident, it happened right outside the sport centre." Molly said breaking out into tears.

"You saw it?" Olivia asked as Nick came over with a glass of water. "Come sit down sweetie." Olivia said as the young girl nodded.

"Thank you." She said weakly taking the water from Nick.

"Ok I'm gonna call your Dad and leave a message for him that you're with me so he doesn't get worried ok?" Olivia said grabbing her phone from her pocket.

"Ok." Molly replied.

Olivia walked into the corridor and called Bayard to leave a message on his switched off phone.

"Hey Bayard its Olivia, Molly came to the precinct when she couldn't get hold of you so she's safe just call me when you get this ok bye."

After hanging up the cell phone she went back into the squad room just as Fin and Amanda arrived back with some information from the victim's parents.

"I've left a message with your Dad and asked him to call me back as soon as he gets the message until then you can hang around here and if I get a chance I'll take you out to lunch ok?" Olivia said kneeling down in front of Molly.

"Sure. Thank you Olivia, sorry I didn't know what else to do."

"Hey Mol' it's ok, really I don't mind but we're working a big case so I'm going to be back and forth a bit but…" Olivia took the change from her coffee run that morning. "There's a vending machine in the hall why don't you get yourself something but come straight back here ok?"

"Ok thank you Olivia." She smiled giving the Detective a hug.

"No problem Molly." Olivia smiled stroking her hand through the girl's hair as she accepted the embrace.

Once Molly had skipped down the hallway Olivia walked over to Bessie where everyone else had gathered.

"Sorry about that." She said tiredly, she was still in shock that Molly had turned up.

"Who's kid is that Liv I've known you thirteen years and I have never seen her before." Don said.

"Bayard Ellis' daughter Molly." Olivia replied running her hand through her hair.

"Bayard Ellis has a kid?" Munch asked.

"You know Bayard Ellis' kid?" Fin asked in even more disbelief that Munch.

"Yes and yes now do we have a lead or are we standing around Bessie to question my knowing of Bayard Ellis' kid?" Olivia asked

"Ok well the parents are her adopted parents they live in the Upper East Side, she's a student at trinity prep school and she was supposed to be sleeping at her friend's house LaToya Coors they're both going to school for the summer doing a Math Master class." Fin explained reading from his notebook.

"Ok have you an address on the friend?" Cragen asked.

"Yeah." Fin replied.

"Ok Rollins and Fin take the friend does anyone know if Trinity Prep will be open during the weekend?" Don asked.

"I doubt it…"

"Olivia it is." Molly called.

"What's that sweetie?" Olivia asked turning to the girl who had been eavesdropping from the desk.

"School, that's where I came from they have all sorts of activities going on over the holidays including the weekends." Molly explained.

"Good thanks sweetie." Olivia smiled. "So what do you want us to do Cap?"

"You and Nick take the school talk to anyone and everyone I wanna know what happened to this kid before it's too late." Don said.

"Uh Cap…"

"I'll keep an eye on the kid Liv." Munch smiled.

"Thanks Munch." Olivia replied going over to her desk to grab her coat.

"Mol' I have to go and do some work ok you can stay here with Munch and if you want I have some games on the computer it's already logged in." Olivia smiled.

"Ok." Molly nodded and then Olivia saw her eyes go wide then she quickly jumped off the seat and went over to the board. "Deshawnda." Molly said weakly looking at the large school picture of Deshawnda on the computer screen.

"Do you know her?" Munch asked as Nick and Olivia looked on in surprise.

"Yeah she's in my class in school… what happened to her Olivia?" Molly asked turning to face the dumbstruck Detective behind her.

"Someone hurt her Mol' when was the last time you saw Deshawnda?" Olivia asked coming over to join the Sergeant and teenager.

"Yesterday before lunch." Molly said with tears in her eyes. "Is she dead?"

"I'm afraid so Honey." Olivia replied and Molly turned back to the picture and the tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Olivia I'll take the school with Nick, you talk to her." Munch said and Olivia nodded gratefully.

"Ok Molly did Deshawnda say anything to you yesterday? Anything that might have sounded a bit odd?" Olivia asked.

"No…" Molly shook her head as she thought. "Maybe."

"What do you mean Sweetie?" Olivia asked.

"Well…" Molly said.

"Molly, Honey I need you to tell me the truth ok you're not in any trouble I promise." Olivia said pulling up the closest chair so Molly could sit down.

"She said she'd met someone, an older someone." Molly said.

"Do you know where she'd met him?" Olivia asked kneeling down in front of Molly.

"On Facebook." Molly replied weakly.

"Do you have Facebook?" Olivia asked and Molly nodded. "Show me."

Molly and Olivia both went over to the desk and Molly logged into the internet while Olivia took her desk chair. Molly went onto her Facebook page and Olivia couldn't help but smile at the profile picture of her and her Dad together with a softball trophy but then the page turned to Deshawnda's profile page.

"Ok so this is her page… then here this is her friends list… and this just down here… this is him." Molly knocked a button and brought up another profile.

"Michael Lawson." Olivia read. "Molly can you tell how old someone is from this website?"

"Yeah just here under the profile picture 'born twelfth of March nineteen eighty one.' Just there see." She used the mouse to show the date.

"That makes him…"

"Thirty one." Molly said saving Olivia the trouble of working it out.

"Ok Molly I need to print off this page and print off Deshawnda's page do you know how to do that?" Olivia asked.

"Of course I do." Molly smiled.

"Ok the printer's over there so if you do that for me I am going to just update my Captain ok?" Olivia told her and she nodded already fiddling with buttons on the keyboard.

Olivia smiled at the girl before hurrying off to the office knocking the door quickly before walking in.

"Olivia I thought I told you to go with Nick to Trinity Prep?" Don said surprised at seeing her still stood there.

"Well I was on my way out when Molly recognised Deshawnda from the picture and she gave me a little more too, apparently Deshawnda mentioned meeting an older man on Facebook and Molly's in the process of printing out both profile pages now his name is Michael Lawson and he's thirty one years old. What do you want me to do with this Cap?" Olivia asked.

"Run Michael Lawson through the system and see if he pops and try and keep as much of the details of the case from the kid Liv." Cragen replied.

"I know Cap, I didn't expect her to turn up here and Bayard's in court I can't get hold of him." Olivia explained apologetically.

"Hey I don't mind just do your job." Cragen replied. "I am however… surprised… that you have Bayard Ellis' number stored in your cell phone."

"Why does it matter?" Olivia asked shocked that her Captain would point that out.

"Nope as long as there would be no conflict of interest if he picks up one of our cases." Don replied.

"Don we're just friends and after… after everything yesterday he knew I needed a break so he took me to watch Molly play softball and that's how I met her, lucky that she did in one way because I can't think of where she would be right now if she hadn't of come here especially with one thirteen year old kid dead from her school." Olivia replied and Don just nodded in reply. "I best go run our perp."

Back in the squad room Molly handed Olivia the print outs and she put them into the file on the case before going over to Bessie to get the pages up on there so she could show the rest of the squad when they got back.

"So Mol' other than say she'd met him anything else you know?" Olivia asked.

"Well she said she was going to meet him in person. I told her it was bad idea Olivia I really did…"

"Hey it's ok Hon'." Olivia smiled to calm her down. "Do you know if she did?"

"Well she was staying in LaToya's house supposed to be last night but they had a huge argument in the bathroom while I was in there and LaToya said she wouldn't be allowed to stay over and then…" Molly broke off and looked at her shoes.

"Then what Molly, if I'm going to find who hurt Deshawnda I need to know." Olivia told her softly.

"Well she called someone, I think it might have been him but I can't be sure." Molly explained.

"Did you hear what she said?" Olivia asked thinking about how valuable the teenager had already been to the investigation.

"Well she said that the plan was on and she'd see them later I don't know if it was a boy or girl she was talking to because she said see you later." Molly replied.

"Good sweetie thank you for telling me…" Olivia broke off when her phone rang. "Benson."

_Hey Liv I am so sorry my phone was off I was in court is Molly still there?_

"She's right here Bayard and absolutely fine." Olivia smiled.

_I have to be back in court but if you need me to I can come pick her up and take her to the office._

"Well it's her choice I'll ask her now… Molly your Dad has to be back in court and wants to know if you want him to pick you up and he'll take you to the office."

"Ugh can't I stay here it's really boring at the office." Molly replied grumpily.

"Yeah you can stay here kiddo." Olivia smiled. "She's asking to stay, I'll take her out for some lunch later."

_Are you sure I mean you're working, I was supposed to take her to Coney today but then she told me about the sports thing and this civil court crap dragging me in on a Saturday…_

"Bayard it's not a problem ok just call me when you're done." Olivia chuckled.

_Sure. Thank you Olivia, really._

"No problem I'll talk to you later."

"Thank you Olivia, seriously my Dad's office is so boring." Molly laughed as Olivia replaced her phone on her hip.

"It's ok Mol' you're helping me and we can go out for some girls lunch later ok?" Olivia replied as Molly grinned happily.

"Sounds good to me." Molly smiled.

* * *

When Munch and Nick arrived back Olivia filled them in on everything she'd found out.

"Did you run him?"

"Yeah no hits sorry Munch, not going to make your job that much easier." Olivia replied.

"Well at least we have a suspect." Munch replied pulling over the boards.

"So what did you get at the school?" Olivia asked.

"Apparently the kid left at lunchtime and didn't go back which corroborates what the parents said about the school phoning after lunch to find out if she was supposed to leave and when she didn't come home and LaToya's parents didn't call to say she was there they called the police." Nick replied and Olivia nodded as she went into thought.

"Ok so we have one suspect, has anyone talked to LaToya?" Olivia asked.

"She wasn't at school so unless she's at home she's MIA we'll have to wait on … here they are, speak of the devil right?" Munch laughed as Fin and Rollins joined the team.

"Was LaToya at home?" Olivia asked.

"Nope." Fin replied. "She left for school at eight thirty why?"

"She's not at the school so we have a missing kid on our hands guys." Olivia sighed turning to the computer screen where Deshawnda and Michael's picture was up. "Molly do you have LaToya's phone number?"

"Yeah of course." Molly replied pulling her cell from her pocket. "She's like me doesn't answer numbers she doesn't know so call her from that cell phone and she'll more likely pick up."

Olivia nodded and knocked the call button on the iPhone that Molly had passed her. It rang and rang but no one picked up.

"No answer?" Nick asked as soon as she hung up.

"Nope." Olivia replied passing the phone back to Molly. "So where do we go from here?" Olivia asked just as Cragen came over.

"What have we got?" Cragen asked.

"Ok we have murdered thirteen year old Deshawnda who was in touch with Michael Lawson, she left the school at lunchtime yesterday and no one saw her till half eight this morning and the ME estimated time of death eight hours before so that puts us at midnight so we have a twelve hour window where no one knew where she was. Now then there's LaToya Coors who left the house for school at eight thirty this morning and never made it there." Olivia explained.

"Olivia…" Molly came over and handed Olivia another printed picture.

"What's this sweetie?" Olivia asked.

"LaToya's Facebook page just there it's recently added friends." Molly explained.

"Michael Lawson." Olivia said looking at her Captain.

"He's a likely suspect now. Ok Olivia and… well and Molly you troll through the Facebook pages and see what you can find while I set up a press conference. Nick and Munch go back to the school see if any of the other girls have been in contact with Michael Lawson, Fin and Rollins go back to LaToya's parents and notify them of their kid's disappearance hopefully we'll be able to get on the TV with pictures of both girls and then someone will give us something of a location to work with." Don said and everyone quickly hurried off in their own directions.

"So is this what it's like to be a cop?" Molly asked as Olivia took Nick's chair so both of them could sit in front of the computer.

"Not all the time." Olivia replied. "All depends on the case."

"But it's like a puzzle isn't it? You have to find all the pieces and then put them together to get the answer." Molly said as she clicked on Lawson's profile.

"Yeah I guess you could put it that way." Olivia smiled. "So tell me what you're doing so if this ever happens again I'll know what to do."

"Ok so on Facebook when you're friends with someone you have friends in common with them too often enough, when you're not friends with them it tells you how many friends in common you have. I am not friends with Michael Lawson and we have twelve friends in common, now including Deshawnda and LaToya." Molly explained.

"Ok can you print me off the list of names?" Olivia asked.

"Can do." Molly said and within seconds the printer was hissing that something was being printed.

"Ok so how do people talk to each other on this?" Olivia asked having never used Facebook she had no idea how to understand it.

"Well there are three options, write on someone's wall, privet mail or chat." Molly explained.

"Wall?" Olivia asked not understanding.

"Yeah your profile page is your wall so if I go back to my page… look this is my wall and only people who are my friend can write on mine, you can have different privacy settings and mine are on the maximum."

"I'm glad to hear it." Olivia replied relieved that the girl had some sense.

"Ok so see here Hannah you met her yesterday she wrote on my wall last night saying … oh that's funny." Molly laughed.

"Hey Lolly … Lolly?"

"Yeah that's my team nickname." Molly laughed.

"Ok, hey Lolly, Olivia's so nice, is she like your Dad's GF? So cool if she is she doesn't seem like the wicked s. moms type like mine! LOL. Kisses." Olivia read. "Ok what's GF and s. moms ?" Olivia asked.

"GF is girlfriend and s. moms is step mom." Molly replied as she knocked the reply button.

"LOL not that I know. Kisses." Molly said as she wrote and Olivia just laughed.

"Ok so now have you written on her wall?" Olivia asked.

"No I've just replied but she'll get a notification when she gets the message." Molly explained the mouse signalling where the notification would show.

"Ok and who can see this message?" Olivia asked.

"Anyone who goes on my page who's my friend." Molly replied just as the notification area had a read mark.

"Oh here we go Hannah just replied on my comment… Oh right, shame she's wicked cool, hope she comes to softball again she can kick your dad's ass again that was hilarious! LOL. Kisses."

Olivia blushed it was so strange to see this kid talking about her not knowing that she was reading the message.

_I know I hope so too, chat later, kisses. _

Olivia read the reply before Molly had the chance to go to her homepage and hide it.

"Ok so what's this?" Olivia asked moving it along so the girl wasn't embarrassed.

"Homepage, if someone updates a status or uploads a picture or something it comes up here and everyone in your friends list can see it on their home page… watch… At police precinct with friend… then you post then if someone wants to they can like and or comment." Molly explained.

"Right can you see if Deshawnda or LaToya ever commented with Michael Lawson?" Olivia asked and Molly went to Dashawnda's profile page.

"Ok so the wall goes back months but could take hours to look through but if you look here it says that Deshawnda commented on Michael's status and if I click here… oh…"

"What is it?" Olivia asked hearing the disappointment in Olivia's voice.

"Well his privacy settings are on max, if they weren't I would have been able to see what he had posted and what she had commented but I can't." Molly explained.

"Ok you and me are going for a drive." Olivia said grabbing her keys. "I'll just go tell the Captain."

"Where?" Molly asked following Olivia towards the office.

"TARU hopefully Morales will be able to hack into the system." Olivia explained as she knocked the door. "Hey gonna head down to TARU with Molly see if Morales can get into the messages on Facebook for us."

"Sure just remember she's a thirteen year old kid Liv." Don chuckled.

"I know but she's already helped us a lot Don and it will be nice for her to leave the squad room for five minutes." Olivia laughed before heading out. "Let's go." She smiled.


	6. Psychiatry and Meetings

Olivia and Molly spent an hour with Morales in the lab, he walked Molly through everything keeping her quite entertained while Olivia called Fin and Nick for updates.

"Ok so I've managed to hack into the profile but I can't get into the privet messages and all I've got for you is simple status that say the guy is bored and replied saying 'unlucky' and such nothing really." Morales explained handing the print outs to Olivia.

"Great, well Nick says that they spoke with a girl who spoke with our Michael Lawson but I'm starting to think it's an alias, he's too good to be a first timer at luring girls." Olivia sighed to Morales as she rubbed her hand over her forehead.

"You think he's done this before?" Molly asked.

"You. Madam. Shouldn't be listening." Olivia laughed rubbing Molly's hair.

"Hey Junior Cop for the day." Molly teased making both Olivia and Morales laugh.

"Right come on you, I need to check in at the precinct then hopefully you and I can skip out for lunch." Olivia smiled. "Thanks Morales catch you later."

"You're welcome Liv." Morales replied as the two ladies slipped out.

* * *

Back at the precinct Molly went to Olivia's computer while Olivia filled in with the other Detectives.

"Ok so Morales hacked the profile page nothing suspicious." Olivia sighed.

"Press is all over my ass guys so Olivia you're doing the release then I've got uni's lined up on the phones which will be over seen by Munch and then the other three of you are going to be tracking down any leads down the leads from the phone ins. Olivia after the press release I want you to question the girl who's in the interview room who spoke with Michael Lawson."

"Sure thing Cap." Olivia replied.

"Ok Liv you and I to one pp, kid can come and stand out of the way." Cragen filled.

"Olivia!" Molly yelled startling all the Detectives.

"What is it Mol?" Olivia asked running over.

"He's… look…"

Olivia looked at the computer but didn't understand what it meant.

"Michael Lawson added me as a friend." She whispered.

Olivia looked at Cragen as everyone gathered around the computer.

"Cap?" Olivia asked.

"Change of plan, I'll take the press release, Olivia you and Molly lure our killer." Cragen said.

"Cap I'm not…"

"That's an order Olivia." Cragen interrupted.

"You can order me but she's a thirteen year old kid." Olivia replied.

"Who's been working as an agent to the police all day." Cragen snapped.

"Which she shouldn't have been doing without parent permission if you'd have said agent to the police when she was showing me the crap on the internet I would have stopped." Olivia explained angrily because she knew that Bayard wouldn't be pleased.

"Too late now Olivia…"

"Olivia I'm happy to help, please?" Molly asked holding Olivia's arm to calm her down.

"Fine." She sighed not being able to argue with Molly who was giving her the puppy dog eyes. "Nick can go get us some lunch before the phone starts ringing." She laughed.

"Ok people move." Cragen called and everyone hurried off their separate ways.

Olivia and Molly both sat down.

"Ok first I'm going to delete the status that say's I'm here so he doesn't link me to the cops and then I'll accept the friend request." Molly said and Olivia just nodded and watched quietly.

Molly did what she said and it took seconds for a chat message to pop up.

"Look chat window." Molly pointed at the screen.

_Random add, friends in common._

"So that means?"

"That he says he's added me because we have similar friends."

_**Yeah sure.**_ Molly typed back.

_Do you go to TP like Deshawnda and LaToya?_

"TP?" Olivia asked.

"Trinity Prep." Molly replied as she typed.

_**Yes.**_

_That's cool, I dated Deshawnda and LaToya._

"What should I say?" Molly asked turning to look at Olivia.

"Uh tell him that you heard about him say they really like him." Olivia replied unsure of what a thirteen year old girl would say.

"Ok."

_**Ah so you're the older guy they were both falling for. Lol. **_

_Yeah but they were too immature for me._

_**Oh right.**_

_You seem a lot more mature though, from what I've seen on your profile._

"Shit…"

"Language Mol." Olivia chuckled.

"Sorry but this guy is for real?" Molly asked and Olivia laughed some more.

"He's a predator Molly, he likes young girls. I'm going to call my friend George who's not long arrived back in the city, see if he can give us a hand, please be careful what you say to him ok?" Olivia warned.

"I will." Molly replied.

Olivia sighed and walked off to the coffee pot, she didn't like that Molly was bating a predator but at least she would be able to protect her if neccassary.

After calling George she went back to Molly who was staring at the screen blankly.

"What's up Mol?" Olivia asked sitting back down.

"He wants to meet up." Molly replied.

"Ok." Olivia rubbing her teeth along her bottom lip as she thought.

"Today, this afternoon at central park." Molly explained.

"Ok tell him you can't do today but tomorrow, George is on his way and he can profile him for us and then maybe we can catch him." Olivia smiled reassuringly.

"Ok." Molly replied nodding.

* * *

Less than an hour later in the middle of a hustling bullpen George Huang walked in with a smile.

"Hey Liv." He said.

"Hey." Olivia grinned reaching over and giving him a hug which he returned without hesitating, it was odd, they had a close relationship but they'd never been physical with each other like this.

"So what have you got for me?" He asked nodding his head towards Molly.

"Hey Molly this is my friend George I told you about. George this is Molly Ellis, Bayard Ellis' daughter." Olivia replied.

"The defence attorney?" George replied as he shook Molly's hand.

"Yeah he and I are friends, he got caught up in court and Molly's summer school got cancelled so she popped by here and has been teaching me how to use Facebook and in the process she has helped crack our case wide open and that's why I need you." Olivia replied.

The whole time she'd been in front of him George had been analysing her. He knew how the past few months had taken its toll on her, she'd aged a little, not much she was still as gorgeous as ever and then there was the fact she'd hugged him and that hug had been heartfelt, held for a few seconds and the manner in which she'd wrapped her arms around him had shown that. Then she'd said 'I need you' not 'we' not 'us' but 'I' that said everything.

"Ok so what have you got so far?" George asked knowing he'd find an excuse to sit down with Olivia before the day was out.

"Ok so Deshawnda thirteen and murdered, then LaToya thirteen and missing, both were in touch via Facebook with Michael Lawson who has now contacted Molly and she's currently setting up a meeting with him tomorrow morning. How do we go about this George?" Olivia asked.

"Well I would say that Deshawnda isn't his first, I mean he lured her using a social networking site." George replied.

"This case is ridiculous." Olivia sighed. "Until we have more we're stuck."

"Why don't you and I go for lunch?" George asked just wanting to spend time with his friend and see how she was psychologically.

"Molly will have to come I'm not leaving her here and I promised her lunch." Olivia replied.

"Sure it will just be nice to spend some time with you Liv." Huang replied.

* * *

At the diner Olivia, Molly and Huang sat in a quiet booth at the back.

"So how have things been Liv?" Huang asked and Olivia just laughed softly. "What?" He replied.

"Come on George can't we just have a normal lunch without you shrinking me?" Olivia asked still chuckling.

"I'm not trying to shrink you…"

"Yes you are!" Olivia laughed. "Every statement is suggestive and interpretive, come on George." Olivia said softly.

"Sorry Liv… you just look…"

"I know how I look George I look at myself in the mirror every morning." Olivia replied before he could finish.

"The shooting… it was tough for everyone to deal with." Huang spoke softly.

"Oh come on George let's not talk about this." Olivia sighed picking at her food.

"Did you see anyone Liv? After the shooting?" Huang asked.

"No." She replied staring at her plate.

"How come?" Huang replied.

"Didn't need to see anyone." Olivia replied. "I had my evaluation like everyone else and was back in work within the week."

"How about after Elliot left?" George asked and Olivia sighed heavily. "I'm taking that as a no."

"Now isn't the time George." Olivia said flicking her eyes towards Molly who had been listening intently.

"Sorry." George replied.

"How come you asked me about Elliot but not you?" Olivia asked with a smirk.

"I don't understand." George replied.

"I missed you George, as crazy as that sound, I argued against everything you said and hated having to see you but I missed you a lot." Olivia told him and he smiled warmly.

"I missed you too Liv." He said taking her hand and giving a gentle squeeze.

"Who's Elliot?" Molly asked innocently and Olivia laughed as she let go of Huang's hand.

"My ex-partner, he left a few months ago after being my partner for twelve years." Olivia said.

"So you were close then I mean I'm thirteen so you knew him since around when I was born." Molly smiled and Olivia nodded in reply, this was the most she'd talked about Elliot in months.

"So Molly what are you doing at summer school?" George asked changing the subject knowing Olivia was uncomfortable with the topic of Elliot Stabler.

"Oh it's not like that." Molly laughed. "I'm there for extra sport, it's a sport scheme for those of us who do better in sport who win competitions for the school and stuff."

"So you play sport?" Huang asked and as Molly nodded Olivia elbowed him in the ribs.

"Don't shrink her." Olivia warned in a whisper. "I think her father would kill me."

"What sport do you play?" Huang continued ignoring Olivia, he wasn't shrinking Molly he was shrinking her.

"I run cross country, netball, soccer and softball, my Dad brought Olivia to practise yesterday that's how we met right Olivia?" Molly smiled as she grabbed her drink, Olivia just smiled and nodded stiffly knowing that Huang was analysing her still.

"So what did you do yesterday?" Huang asked and Olivia sighed and sat back in her seat knowing she had no way of stopping him.

"Well Dad coaches our softball team and he brought Olivia to practise yesterday, you should see her bat she's amazing!" Molly said over enthusiastically.

"I didn't know you played Liv." George smiled turning to look at her.

"I haven't in years, believe me every muscle is hurting today." Olivia laughed. "I'm not as fit as I used to be."

"So what did you do after practise?" George asked knowing there was more.

"Well we have traditions me and my Dad and Olivia got to come with us yesterday. We went for pre match Pizza and Ice Cream and then she came to watch our game, we're in the playoffs now. She's our good luck charm right Olivia?" Molly continued.

"Right." Olivia smiled stiffly once again.

"What do you mean by her being your good luck charm?" Huang asked as Olivia ran her hand through her hair trying to mask her frustration but giving it away instead.

"She's gonna try and not miss a game right Olivia?" Molly grinned again.

"I'm gonna try." Olivia smiled. "But your Dad explained with my job I can't promise anything."

"I know." Molly said a little disappointed just as Olivia's cell phone rang.

"Benson… yeah… ok on my way. That was Cragen we're needed." Olivia said getting to her feet and gathering up the trash.


	7. Shrinking and Drinking

Olivia and George sat in her apartment with a bottle of wine and Chinese takeout. It had been a long day and Olivia was still reeling after talking with Bayard. Molly had told him about the meeting and Bayard had been less than pleased and yelled until Olivia and Fin could calm him down enough for them to explain what they had planned. Bayard had agreed eventually with the promise that Olivia was never more than two meters away from his daughter at any point and they had all agreed.

"You know that little girl adores you." Huang said as Olivia finally put her phone down from texting with Molly, it hadn't been such a good idea giving the youngster her phone number.

"I adore her… she… she was very accepting of me after practise she asked me along for pizza and then she asked me along for hot dogs after the game." Olivia replied with a smile as she glanced at her new phone wallpaper, a picture of herself and Molly that the teenager had insisted taking and then had sent it to the Detective.

"She sees you as a mother figure, she doesn't have one in her life from what I could gather and she's latched onto you." Huang said.

"I don't know what happened to her Mom, Bayard and I haven't spoken in depth about anything like that but I know he's a single parent and from what I could make out he has been for years." Olivia replied. "A teenage girl needs a woman around."

"Of course, I'm just worried if anything goes wrong tomorrow… or goes wrong between you and Ellis…"

"Ok hold on, Bayard and I are just friends, he invited me along to his daughter's softball game weeks ago but I didn't go not until yesterday." Olivia told him firmly, she hated when he made assumptions that were completely wrong.

"Fair enough but he trusts you Olivia, tomorrow he's going to be sat in the precinct while you're out there with his daughter trying to lure a possible killer." Huang noted.

"Yes well I trust you George does that mean I fancy the pants of you?" Olivia asked teasingly.

"Oh you know you do Benson!" He teased back causing Olivia to throw a cushion at him. "But seriously, let's go back to what we were talking about at the diner, how come you didn't see anyone after Elliot left?"

"I didn't need to George, yeah I miss him but he was just my partner and nothing more." Olivia sighed gulping down a few mouthfuls of wine which George noted immediately.

"You've changed a few things in here." George said looking around the room as Olivia filled up her wine glass for the fourth time that night.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked not registering what he was saying.

"You've taken down a heck of a lot of pictures." He said and she nodded.

"Pictures, they're a memory caught on film, I don't need the constant reminder of… of him. George he left and hasn't spoken to me since but I'm past caring." She replied getting to her feet and walking to the kitchen area.

"You do care Liv." George said following her into the kitchen where she was grabbing a bottle of whiskey.

"No. Not anymore." Olivia replied. "A lot has happened in the six months since the shooting George."

"Like what?" George pushed.

"What does it matter?" She snapped angrily slamming a glass onto the counter so hard it shattered in her hand cutting through the skin. "Shit." She hissed rushing to the sink and turning the water on.

"It matters enough to affect you." George said grabbing a dish towel and taking Olivia's hand.

"Yeah. Maybe it does." She replied dejectedly.

"You need to see someone Liv." George spoke softly like he did with victims or the mentally ill.

"Maybe." She replied too tired to fight.

"This isn't the first night you've drank is it." George added as he continued to clean the wound.

"I'm an adult George, I can make my own decisions." Olivia hissed angrily, she adored the small man in front of her but he had a way of getting on her nerves too.

"I'm not saying you can't. When did the drinking start?" George asked.

"George…" She said in a warning tone.

"You, Olivia, have seen what alcohol can do to a person…"

"Yes George I have, I watched my Mom drink herself to death but guess what I am not like her I didn't have anything last night, I'm drinking tonight because…" She snapped her mouth shut.

"Because you're opening up and I'm bringing things into the forefront of your mind that yesterday you weren't even thinking about." George finished for her and she nodded weakly. "Please Liv, if you don't want to see me, please talk to someone because I don't want to see you drink yourself into a stupor. You're better than that."

"I'll make some calls." Olivia sighed knowing that George was right.


	8. Operation and Interrogation

The next morning in Central Park Olivia, Rollins and Molly sat on the bench waiting for Michael Lawson. Molly was sat beside Olivia with enough of a gap to make them look like strangers, Amanda and Olivia were almost sat on top of each other so that they had eyes both ways waiting for their perp and hoping nothing would go wrong.

"I'm not happy about this." Olivia whispered with a false smile on her face.

"I bet. You care about the kid." Amanda replied softly also smiling to make it look like they were having a casual conversation.

Olivia rested her arm on the back of the bench and leant into her wrist where a microphone was wired.

"Anything?" She asked.

_Nothing yet Liv._ Don replied who was sitting nervously with Bayard Ellis at the entrance to the park.

"Hold up Liv." Amanda said nodding her head a little meaning that there was someone behind her.

Olivia felt her breath hitch in her throat, she knew that their perp was behind them the second they heard a voice carry into their ears.

"Hi Molly."

"Hi Michael right?" Molly asked as Olivia and Amanda stood up holding hands and they slowly made their way behind their perp.

She nodded to Molly who stood up and stepped to the side leaving Olivia to grab hold of their perp.

"Hi Michael right?" Olivia said cockily as she cuffed him.

"What the hell?" He asked.

"Michael Lawson, you're under arrest for endangering the welfare of a child for now that is until I find LaToya and hook you for the murder of Deshawnda. You have the right to remain silent, anything say can and will be used in evidence, you have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one a lousy public defender will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights Michael?" Olivia led him to the awaiting squad car and Amanda held an arm around Molly leading her to her father.

"Yes." He mumbled. "Wait! Wait I don't know what endangering the welfare of a child means." He said just as they arrived at the car.

Olivia pushed his back hard into the car and knocked her elbow into his face.

"It means you went on Facebook and chatted a thirteen year old girl up and asked her to meet you here this morning, but guess what you were talking to a thirteen year old kid and a thirty four year old cop." Olivia replied pulling him roughly so she could open the door. "And you're never going to see the light of day again." She hissed before knocking his head accidentally on purposely on the side of the door.

"Olivia!" Cragen called. "That's enough."

Olivia said nothing as she threw the perp into the car and once the door was shut she turned round to be wrapped up in an embrace from Molly.

"Ok?" Olivia asked embracing her back and running her hand through the girl's hair.

"Yeah." Molly replied holding onto Olivia tight.

"You ok Olivia?" Bayard asked rubbing her shoulder.

"Yeah, glad it's over." Olivia sighed. "Well this part anyway."

"Yeah I bet." Bayard replied and without thinking he kissed the side of her head.

Molly giggled and Olivia blushed but didn't say anything.

"Thank you for looking out for her." Bayard said putting his arm around Olivia and his daughter.

"Anytime." Olivia replied. "I had fun with my junior detective."

"You're not becoming a cop." Bayard warned jokingly.

"Oh come on Dad I had fun, I wanna be just like Olivia when I grow up!" Molly smiled and Olivia chuckled lightly.

"Well I've got an interrogation to get to and try and get a confession out of this guy." Olivia smiled. "Text me later?" She suggested to the young girl.

"Can I… Can I come watch the interrogation?" Molly asked.

"Uh…" Olivia said awkwardly.

"I don't think that's a good idea Mol." Bayard told her.

"I helped solve this case Dad I deserve to see it to the end." Molly replied and Olivia chuckled, she remembered saying something similar herself once.

"I don't know what do you think Liv?" Bayard asked and Olivia groaned, she didn't want to play negotiator between Dad and Daughter.

"I don't know if the Captain will let you but come to the precinct and I'll make the argument for you." Olivia smiled gently.

"Yes!" Molly cheered. "Come on Dad let's go!"

"See you at the house." Olivia laughed as she watched Molly drag her father away.

"You kissed Olivia. You kissed Olivia." Molly chanted as they walked to the car.

"It was friendly peck under extreme emotional duress sweetie nothing more." Bayard told her making her laugh.

"Dad likes Olivia." She sang making Bayard laugh. "You're not denying it."

"Would it be such a bad thing if I did like Olivia?" Bayard asked putting his arm around his daughter.

"Nope I like her Dad, you should ask her on a date." Molly smiled cheekily.

"You think so huh?" Bayard asked.

"Yeah Dad, come on all those other women you brought home in the past were icky nothing like Olivia she's lovely and you've not dated in months!" Molly teased.

"Well Olivia hasn't long come out of a relationship so I might leave it for a while." Bayard informed her.

"Yeah well she's hot Dad so don't leave it too long or someone else will move in, her partner likes her…"

"He's a few years younger than her and married Molly!" Bayard teased. "And Olivia doesn't see him like that."

"How do you know?" Molly asked frowning.

Bayard chuckled to himself, he didn't know how to explain to his daughter.

"She's a tough woman and very independent any sign of someone taking that independence away and Olivia gets uncomfortable and her partner… he would take that independence away because she already has to trust him with her life." Bayard explained best he could, he'd been able to profile Olivia the more he'd gotten to know her.

"What do you mean trust him with her life?" Molly asked and Bayard sighed having to remember his little girl wasn't so little anymore.

"Molly. Olivia doesn't carry a gun because it looks cool, when she works… she could be killed doing the job, her life is on the line every time she walks the streets." Bayard replied as softly as he could.

"Oh." Molly replied unsure what else to say on the matter.

* * *

At the precinct Olivia and Nick took to the interrogation room while Bayard, Molly, Cragen and Huang stood outside looking in.

"Michael you use Facebook?" Olivia asked casually.

"Yeah who doesn't?" He replied shrugging as he relaxed back in the chair not a flicker of emotion on his face.

"Yeah see we've seen your profile Michael and we saw that you have thirteen girls from Trinity Prep on there, wanna explain that one to me?" Olivia asked but there was a knock on the glass that interrupted her.

Olivia sighed and went out, they'd barely started the questioning there was no way that she had stepped out of line.

"What?" She asked as soon as she closed the door.

"He's attracted to little girls, I think he likes their vulnerability, appeal to that make yourself childlike." George explained.

"How do I do that?" Olivia asked raising an eyebrow, she could play many parts but coming off as childlike wasn't something she was used to.

"Got any gum?" George suggested and Molly took out a packet of pink bubble gum. "Try playing with your hair and talking in a childlike manner, Nick should ask the questions and you can look up to him like a teen girls do to their fathers." Huang explained as Olivia chewed the gum till it was soft enough for her to blow bubbles with.

"This is the craziest thing you've ever had me do George, you're the one who needs a shrink." She laughed as she grabbed the door handle.

Once inside she nodded her head towards Nick, they'd been partners long enough now to be able to bounce off one another well enough to get a confession.

Olivia stood against the wall and blew bubbles with her gum as best she could and twirled a piece of her chocolate locks around her finger as she did feeling ridiculous but willing to give it ago.

"So Michael, you talked to Deshawnda before she died, you talked to LaToya and then you talked to Molly." Nick said and Olivia tried to look at him with admiration in her eyes but was sure she was failing.

"Uh yeah so?" Michael shrugged. "I can't help it if the kids talk to me Detective."

"But you talked to Molly first silly!" Olivia teased cringing inwardly as she tried to behave like Molly, the over excited thirteen year old who adored her father.

"Yeah so what maybe I did doesn't mean I did anything." Michael replied.

"We're waiting for a court order on your DNA Michael, we have got your fluids inside Deshawnda, so tell us where's LaToya?" Nick pushed and Olivia batted her eyelids at him as she walked towards the table.

"Uh… I don't know..." He replied beginning to sweat.

"Course you do, you're the last person she talked to so duh you know where she is." Olivia said in a voice she found irritating as she tried to sound like a kid.

"Ok?" Michael replied.

"So just tell us dope where is she?" Olivia said. "I mean I'd really like for Nick to be able to find her." Olivia added making goo-goo eyes towards her partner.

Outside watching everyone was in awe of Olivia's performance.

"She's nuts." Molly said chuckling.

"It's working though, he's sweating, shaking, he's scared stiff and he's gonna spill." George smiled at the teenager.

"I hope so but seriously Olivia is not allowed to hang out with me acting like that." Molly said sarcastically making everyone around her laugh.

"I think she's pretending to be you." Bayard teased making his daughter hit his arm lightly.

"She's so not."

"She so is watch." Bayard replied teasingly.

Inside the room they were getting ever closer to getting him to burst.

"So if I was on Facebook would you add me?" Olivia asked leaning into him and giving him very flirtatious eyes.

"Uh Maybe." He replied shrugging.

"It's not that difficult Michael either you'd add her or not."

"My hero." Olivia smiled wrapping her arms around Nick's shoulder and rubbing her cheek into his the way she'd seen Molly do to Bayard.

"I know sweetie." Nick replied rubbing her arm affectionately. "So Michael you gonna tell us where LaToya is?"

"She's… She's at my apartment." He said.

"And are you going to confess to raping and killing Deshawnda?" Olivia asked.

"Yes! I did it ok!" He yelled.

Olivia quickly let go of Nick and rushed out of the room laughing and Nick was quick to follow her both of them hysterical.

"You ever call me Sweetie again and I'll kick your ass!" She said as she slowly caught her breath.

"My hero? I like it." He teased back and everyone laughed.

"Never. Again." She warned. "Ever."

"Oh come on Liv that was amazing!" George replied and everyone murmured agreements.

"Oh seriously I'm heading for forty and there I was making goo-goo eyes at my partner and calling him my hero!" Olivia laughed. "I'm older than him too!"

"Oh come on we have a confession so forget the fives all of you and head on out you deserve it, I've got a team on the way to Lawson's apartment to get the kid hopefully she's alive and well." Cragen announced.

"I'm gonna grab my stuff I have somewhere I need to be…"

"You're not coming for Lunch Olivia?" Molly asked.

"Oh I'd love to sweetie but I have somewhere I need to be this afternoon, if it's cool with Dad I've got the day off on Thursday you and I girly sleep over Wednesday?" Olivia asked and Molly grinned.

"Can I Dad?" She asked excitedly.

"Only if Liv's sure." Bayard warned and Olivia nodded so Molly wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck.

"Thank you Olivia." She smiled.

"You're welcome Mol." Olivia smiled back.

Once Bayard and Molly left Olivia went over to her desk to grab her things.

"What have you got that's so important you ditched lunch with the Ellis' duo?" George asked coming up behind me.

"Is this an interrogation?" Olivia asked without answering his question.

"No, but you wouldn't let her down without an exceptionally good reason Liv, I'm intrigued." George replied.

"Not that it's your business George but because it was your recommendation. I've got an appointment with Elizabeth Olivet." Olivia said before kicking her drawer shut it made her whole desk vibrate.

She walked off before George could say anything but he was pleased, because Olivia needed to face her daemons if she was going to have any hope for a relationship with Bayard Ellis.


	9. Talking and Praying

Olivia sat back in the armchair drumming her fingers impatiently across the white leather fabric. Her eyes were glued on the clock which ticked by slowly making her feel nervous. She was in Elizabeth Olivet's office waiting for the well-known Doctor to come in.

The decision about seeing a shrink hadn't been an easy one but she trusted George Huang more than she trusted most people and his opinion meant everything to her, after talking to him she'd realised that seeing someone might not have been a bad idea but she didn't want that person to be him, he was just her friend now and shrink only when she was made to see one in work. This was too personal.

"Sorry I'm late." Elizabeth smiled coming into the room.

"It's ok." Olivia shrugged, she wasn't going to tell the good doctor that she'd been sat there for ten minutes which felt like an hour.

"How are you doing Olivia?" She asked as she grabbed her notebook and pen and made it over to the second armchair.

"Great." Olivia replied sarcastically, she had always wondered why shrinks asked how someone was.

"Good, ok first I wanted to ask you what made you call me." Elizabeth said and Olivia nodded and thought for a moment, what had made her pick up the phone and call a shrink for a meeting.

"Uh well… I talked to George Huang and… well he thought I should see someone so here I am." Olivia went with blaming George and that way she didn't open the conversation up with something serious.

"Ok." Elizabeth said softly. "So why me? Why not talk to George?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't know." Olivia shrugged. "I guess… George is one of my closest friends Elizabeth sometimes talking to him isn't so easy when it's a psych eval from work he already knows what the case is or whatever this time it's personal and I don't want him to know."

"Ok." Elizabeth nodded slowly, she sounded reassuring.

"So what else do you wanna know?" Olivia asked awkwardly, talking to Elizabeth when they were working and talking to her personally was completely different.

"Well why don't you choose, where do you think everything started?" Elizabeth asked and Olivia sighed and folded her arms.

"It started…" Olivia's eyes shifted uncomfortably. "It started after the shooting at the precinct." Olivia knew that everyone had heard about it who had ever worked at the one six.

"Ok, so you didn't see anyone after the shooting?" Elizabeth asked.

"No, just the shrink they brought in for psych evals, I was cleared after a week and I went back to work as if nothing happened." Olivia replied shrugging.

"As if nothing happened?" Elizabeth questioned.

"Yeah it was just easier." Olivia shrugged again.

"Ok tell me about the shooting." Elizabeth said and Olivia's eyes flickered and hooked onto the Doctor's.

"Why?" She questioned nervously.

"Because you said it started _after_ the shooting, whatever it is. Do you think it's _possible_ it started _because of_ the shooting?" Elizabeth pushed.

"It's possible… I guess." Olivia replied shiftily.

"So tell me what you remember of the shooting." Elizabeth replied.

"Well uh, I remember talking with Jenna and then walking her towards the elevator and then I went back to the squad room… then the gun shots it came out of nowhere I was talking to Elliot making my way over to our desk and then there was one shot followed by another then another and it was like slow motion… it was like I was too shocked to move at first and then I think I shouted for her to stop and Elliot and I had ducked behind the desks to aim our weapons but then the next thing Sister Peg is tumbling to the floor I could hear Elliot calling to her but I-I-I knelt down beside Sister Peg and she was bleeding – God there was so much blood…" Olivia's voice shook and she covered her eyes with her hand. "…I was trying to stop the bleeding as much as I could by putting pressure on it. The shooting had stopped and everyone was quiet for a moment … I looked from Sister Peg up to El – Elliot and he looked at me just for a second but he had this – this horrified look in his eye, his – his mouth was open and his eyes – he looked terrified and then he was calling at Jenna to drop the gun, that was the only noise in the room was Elliot telling her to put the gun down and then – then one of the perps, the guy who killed her Mom said something – he batted her and she – she lifted the gun – she lifted it and there was one shot and I think I screamed but I don't know if the scream was just in my head but – but next thing Elliot's running past me and then he's lifting Jenna's body into his arms, cradling her while she died – then I looked at Sister Peg and realised that – I realised that she was dead and that I was still applying pressure to the wound and – and I let go and I looked at Elliot and –and he was looking at me and – and again he looked – he looked scared – he looked – I've never seen him look like that you know and – and lots of people in the squad room were moving but it was like – like I was deaf there was just me looking at Elliot and then someone was next to me, a uni and he was – he was talking to me and I couldn't move – I couldn't and – and I just – I just knelt there and then someone – I think it was Fin but I can't – can't be sure he – he wrapped his arms around me and – and held my wrists and helped me stand but my legs – my legs were shaking and I was just looking – just looking at Sister Peg's body and…" her voice was barely a whisper at this point and Elizabeth could see a glazed expression in her eyes which were fixed intently on a blank piece of wall. "And I was led away and then … I don't remember much then … it's like I was dreaming or something because I know I showered – I was covered in blood and then I remember sitting in my apartment – I – I don't remember what happened after – after standing."

Both women were silent for a moment, the only thing that could be heard was the quiet ticking of the clock.

"What did you do that night?" Elizabeth asked bringing Olivia's tear filled eyes back to hers.

"I got drunk." Olivia replied simply. "I got very drunk."

Elizabeth scribbled on her notebook knowing Olivia's past she contemplated what to ask next but Olivia's voice sounding made her realise that she didn't have to ask anything.

"I needed – I needed to block it out – all of it – I –I just remember going to the kitchen and – and there was a bottle of jack and I grabbed a glass and I sat – I sat in the dark and drank until – until I fell asleep." Olivia stuttered.

"Did it help?" Elizabeth asked.

"I wouldn't have slept – I wouldn't have been able to go to sleep if I hadn't." Olivia replied shrugging.

"Did you … Did you have any nightmares afterwards?" Elizabeth asked gently.

"Not that night." She replied sarcastically. "But – for a – for a long time afterwards."

Elizabeth scribbled down in her notebook again and then looked at Olivia who had pulled her legs up her chest and was holding around her knees.

"Have they gone now?" Elizabeth asked.

"Uh they had – they had done but – but I – I came out of a relationship a few days ago and – and it came back." Olivia replied honestly, she knew that there was no point lying.

"It?" Elizabeth asked.

"The nightmare, it's – it's always the same." Olivia explained.

"Tell me about it." Elizabeth said and Olivia let out a shaky breath.

"Well – we're – we're back at the precinct and the – the gun shots are ringing around the room and the shot towards Sister Peg goes off but – but it's not Sister Peg that tumbles to the floor beside me." Olivia's voice broke again and Elizabeth nodded softly.

"Who is it Olivia?" Elizabeth asked.

"Does it matter?" Olivia asked looking up at Elizabeth again.

"I think it does." Elizabeth replied.

"Ok." Olivia nodded looking back at her knees. "It's – its Elliot."

Elizabeth wasn't surprised to hear that answer.

"Have you talked to Elliot since the shooting?" Elizabeth asked already knowing that Elliot had left the one six.

"No." She shook her head. "I haven't – I haven't spoken to him since the – since the shooting. I – I tried calling him after I went back and heard he wasn't – wasn't coming back but – but he – he wouldn't answer my calls – the – the only communication he's had with me since – since then is when I received a – a package in the mail from him."

"What was in the package Olivia?"

"His Semper Fi medallion from the Marines on a chain." Olivia said her hand going to the chain around her neck. "All the message said was, Semper Fi, El."

Again silence fell between the two women, Olivia played with the necklace between her fingers and Elizabeth watched her for a few seconds.

"I think – I think the nightmare, combined with the no contact… I think it's like you have lost Elliot, like that day your relationship with him died. I believe that you're grieving." Elizabeth explained and Olivia nodded weakly in agreement.

"I think about him … every day." She said.

"I think you need to take time to really grieve, maybe light a candle, go to Church and say a prayer." Elizabeth replied.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"And after that we'll see." Elizabeth replied.

"Ok." Olivia said simply.

"Ok so I'll see you the same time next week?" Elizabeth asked.

"Sure." Olivia replied pushing her feet to the floor. "Thank you Elizabeth."

"Olivia." Elizabeth said getting to her feet. "If you said this in your psych eval, you wouldn't have been allowed back to work you realise that."

"I know." Olivia replied.

"And I know as a cop who has been having psych evals for thirteen years that you know now how to say what you know the shrink wants to hear and I'm pleased that you've come to see me about this because… it would only get worse."

"I know." Olivia replied again. "And I know you have to call Cragen and… and I'm ok with that." She said.

"Call me Olivia, any time whatever is going on just call me." Elizabeth said taking Olivia's hand.

"I will, thank you." Olivia said before leaving.

* * *

As she drove across Manhattan towards home she played what Elizabeth had said in her mind. She found herself changing direction and before she even realised what she was doing she had pulled up outside a Church she'd been in before during a case. Olivia opened the glove compartment of her car and pulled out a photo envelope that had been sitting there for months.

She flicked through them until she found the one picture she was looking for and then sat back in her seat just staring at the photo. She looked so happy in it, as did he. It was at the last policeman's ball. She was wearing a simple black dress with a diamanté covered chain, he was wearing a simple black tux and he was sat with his arm around her.

Taking a deep breath she climbed out of the car and headed up the church steps not even hesitating in walking through the open door.

Her heels slapped against the wooden floor, echoing around the emptiness. She came to a stop at the front and slipped into the pews and sat down.

She sat there for a few minutes in silence just staring blankly into the distance, thinking hard about what had happened on the day she truly did lose Elliot.

"Are you ok Miss?"

The voice made her jump, she had been so lost in thought.

"Yes I'm fine thank you." She replied turning to face the reverend.

"You seem … lost." He said.

"I feel lost." She replied glancing down at the picture in her hand.

"I'm Reverend Albert Cross." He said slipping into the pew beside her.

"Olivia Benson." She replied glancing at him and then turning away.

"So tell me Ms Benson, what's making you feel so lost?" He asked gently.

"It's Detective, Ms makes me feel like an elementary school teacher." She said softly. "But please call me Olivia."

"Ok Olivia." He replied.

"I – I was involved in a shooting a few months ago and it caused my partner of twelve years to quit but, but he didn't just quit the force he, he quit me too, he hasn't spoken to me since." Olivia explained.

"Do you know why he hasn't spoken to you?" The Reverend asked gently.

"No idea, I tried to call but he never replied to any of my messages and – and my therapist thinks that I need to grieve because he may not have been killed that day but – but to me it's like he died, not having contact with him, it's, it's like I lost him." She explained and she could sense the Revered nodding beside her.

"I can understand her logic." He said. "How did she suggest you grieve?"

"Light a candle, come to Church, say a prayer." She replied. "I didn't think I would I was – I was driving from her office and found myself here."

"Then we will, come." He said offering his hand to her.

Olivia didn't know why she did it but she took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the altar. They both stopped and signed a cross over their bodies, Olivia not being very religious knew this because of Elliot's religious tendencies.

The Reverend then led her to the altar table and picked up a pile of candles he had sitting there and then they went over to a large spiral stand together. He handed her a large lighter and nodded to her to encourage her to light the solitary candle. She slowly did so and she found herself amazed by the flame for a moment before handing the lighter back.

"What is your partner's name?" The reverend asked.

"Elliot." She said her voice a whisper her right hand gripping tight to the picture. "Elliot Stabler." She said a little stronger.

"Then let us pray." He said offering her his hand.

Olivia slipped her hand into his again and bowed her head closing her eyes in the process.

"Dear Father, we stand here today to pray for our brother Elliot. In these dark times watch him, help him and save him. While he finds the light in his darkness we grieve for him, help him know there are those who care about him. Remind him of Your love and strength and support him as his soul finds comfort and peace." As the reverend spoke silent tears fell down Olivia's cheeks and a lump penetrated her throat. "Also take care of Olivia." He said giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Help her find the light in her darkest times, remind her of Your love and Your strength and help guide her while she grieves for the loss of her partner, her brother Elliot, guide her and walk with her as she faces these days without him beside her… Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy name…" Olivia found herself joining the prayer in a whisper. "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever, Amen."

Olivia lifted her head and wiped her tears on the back of the hand with the picture.

"Thank you." She said and he gave her hand another squeeze.

"Losing someone Olivia, whether in death or in the way you have lost Elliot is never easy." He told her and she nodded in agreement. "I trust that you aren't a religious person?"

"Not really." She replied. "But… But Elliot was … is a Catholic."

"I understand." He nodded and gave her a gentle smile that she didn't see because she was staring at the candle again. "I hope you find peace Olivia, I can see that you've been in turmoil with this for some time."

"Thank you Reverend." She replied her turn to give his hand a squeeze. "I feel a little better already even though I know… I know it will take some time."

"Good, come again Olivia, the Lord welcomes his children into his House anytime." He told her. "But I'm afraid I must go and prepare for Evening Mass."

"Of course." Olivia nodded. "Thanks again Reverend."

She watched as he walked away and took a deep shaky breath, as strange as it was she did feel a little lighter already and found herself saying a small silent prayer for Elliot, that wherever he was he was happy.


	10. Captain Vs Detective

**Don't worry the Bolivia will come at some point, but this story is mainly about Olivia moving on from Elliot and David!**

The next morning Olivia went into work wondering if Elizabeth had called Don yet. She knew that the woman had to because of both of their jobs. Elizabeth worked as an outside advisor for the NYPD so she had a duty to call Cragen and Olivia had spent the evening wondering if that's why she had gone to see Elizabeth Olivet instead of a complete different shrink.

She didn't have to wait long. She was typing away replying to an email when Don Cragen called her into the office.

"Take a seat." He told her as she closed the office door.

She did as she was told and took a seat in front of the desk, watching her Captain intently.

"How much did she tell you?" Olivia asked impatiently.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked ignoring her question.

"Why should I have told you?" Olivia replied shrugging.

"Olivia… she told me if you told the shrink at the psych eval what you told her you never would have been allowed back to work so soon, this could have all been dealt with months ago." He told her and she shrugged and sighed.

"Look Don, I told the psych at the evaluation what he wanted to hear so I could get my gun and shield back because I needed to be back at work thing haven't been bad in weeks it's just …" She broke off awkwardly.

"It's just?" He asked.

"David and I breaking up has made everything come back." She explained. "I was ok and then… then the break up made everything come back but I'm getting help Don I'm not denying that it affected me anymore."

"I have to put you on modified." He told her and she sighed again.

"Fine." She replied.

"And … Olivia seeing a shrink is one thing but are you going to do whatever it is she tells you?" Don asked knowing what his Detective was like for ignoring orders from psychiatrists.

"Do you wanna know what I did after leaving Olivet's office yesterday?" She asked. "I went to Church… I went to Church and I spoke with a Reverend and I lit a candle and prayed, I did it partly because she recommended it and partly because I thought it would work and you know… I think it has… last night was the first night in a long time I had gone to bed stone cold sober and didn't wake up with a nightmare." Olivia replied.

"Ok." Don nodded. "Why did Olivet suggest you go to church and pray?" He asked confused.

"Uh well…" Olivia felt oddly uncomfortable talking to her Captain about this. "She thinks that I haven't uh grieved for Elliot." She explained awkwardly.

"Uh ok." Cragen replied unsure what to make of that.

Olivia climbed out of her seat and started pacing behind the chairs.

"You know I still haven't heard from him." She said coming to a stop and looking at her Captain again.

Cragen said nothing, he wasn't sure if he could say anything without upsetting her.

"Twelve years." She said firmly. "Twelve years I saw him almost every day and when we weren't working together we were texting, he'd send me pictures of his activities with the kids and then… then nothing." She replied angrily, it was the first time she'd felt anything but sad towards Elliot Stabler, she'd been brooding after him for so long and now she was angry.

"It can't have been easy for him Liv." Don said.

"Don't you dare protect him!" Olivia yelled. "I know it was hard for him but it was hard for me too! I gave him space after the shooting, when I took the week off I let him be and thought if he needed me he'd contact me but when I came back I called him, left messages for him but he wouldn't call me back and all I got was the medal through the post. Twelve years Captain, you don't just stay partners in twelve years and I trusted him with a hell of a lot more than my life!"

Don for the first time saw how bad Olivia was, he hadn't expected her to be like this, the animosity he saw now was huge compared to what he'd seen when Nick Amaro first joined the squad and she'd been hesitant to trust him.

"You know, it's nice to see you angry." Don said and Olivia glared at him. "You've been brooding after him for months Olivia, now you're mad, I'm no shrink but I'm guessing its progress."

"Maybe it is but if I ever see Elliot Stabler again I hope it's not when I'm carrying a gun." She hissed before marching out the office.

She went straight to her desk and her backside had barely touched the seat before Don was beside her.

"I need your Gun." He told her and she stared at him.

"Are you serious?" She asked and he nodded.

"I was going to ask you for it before you threatened to blow Stabler's brains out." He explained and Olivia took off her gun and slammed it against the desk before storming off.

He watched her go and grabbed the gun shaking his head, he'd never understand what was going through Olivia Benson's head and he didn't expect to either.

* * *

Olivia sat in the car with her eyes closed. She was conflicted and confused. A knock on the window made her jump but when she saw who it was she sighed and unlocked the door.

"Hey." He smiled opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat.

"What do you want?" She asked and he chuckled.

"Always welcoming." He replied.

"George not that I aren't always pleased to see you but what are you doing here?" Olivia asked.

"Saw what happened with Don, thought you might want to talk. Did you really say you'd blow out Elliot's brains?" He replied seriously.

"I said if I ever saw him again I hoped I wasn't carrying my gun. Didn't say I'd shoot him…"

"But it was implied." George replied and Olivia laughed weakly.

"Yeah." She said.

"So how did it go with Olivet?" He asked changing the subject.

"That's privileged information." She replied dryly.

"I know." He nodded. "I'm just looking out for you Liv." He replied.

"My name's Olivia." She replied. "I've been Liv for years and I've always hated it."

George was surprised, everyone called her Liv and she'd never mentioned it before.

"Ok Olivia." He replied wanting to dig further but knowing that if he did he could push whatever Olivet had achieved with her back.

"Are we done?" She replied.

"You going somewhere?" He asked.

"No but I am supposed to be working." She replied dryly. "Even if I am going to be stuck behind a desk for the foreseeable future."

"Ok." He replied opening the door. "Just remember Liv… Olivia… I'm your friend, if you just wanna talk I promise I won't shrink you."

"Thanks." She replied climbing out of the car.


	11. Girls Night In

Wednesday came by quickly and Olivia was very much looking forward to her sleepover with Molly. She'd already spoken with Bayard on the phone and he'd pretty much said as it was a sleepover the rules were down to Olivia.

She'd been shopping and researching ideas for sleepovers and had spent a fortune on stuff for the two of them to do together, Olivia wanted them both to have a nice fun filled relaxing night together.

When her buzzer went she found herself excitedly running to let them in.

"Come up." She said into her intercom before knocking the button.

She ran over to the door and opened it before going into the kitchen and knocking the kettle on so that Bayard could have a cup of coffee before he left.

"Hey Liv."

Olivia groaned and turned around to see George Huang standing there.

"George, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"Just came by to see how you were, the case today was … tough." George replied running his hand across his jaw, he had to admit losing a child had hit him hard.

"You know that Molly's coming over George, and yeah losing a case especially the way we did today Is always tough but I've got something to keep my mind off it all tonight and I'm looking forward to that." Olivia replied just as the buzzer went. "See? If you want coffee help yourself, pour one for Bayard too." She smiled before going over to the intercom.

Less than five minutes later Olivia was putting Molly's things in her bedroom while Bayard and George had coffee in the kitchen.

"We're gonna have so much fun Mol', I got some face masks and body lotion I thought we could do hand and feet massages. I've got plenty of Candy and Popcorn and Soda." Olivia smiled, she had never had a sleep over as a kid, this was a new experience for her.

"Cool!" Molly squealed excitedly as they made their way back to the men in the kitchen.

"Hey Mol' there are DVD's on the couch go take your pick, I wasn't sure what you would like so I just got loads from the rental store and there are some from my own collection." Olivia smiled and Molly nodded and left the adults alone for a while.

"Are you sure about this Olivia?" Bayard asked. "I mean I've had a group of kids over for sleep overs and they eat so much candy and drink so much pop that they're up chatting all night."

"Oh come on Bayard, we'll be fine and I've been looking forward to this all week!" Olivia replied childishly. "Just can't promise she will sleep much and she'll probably be crank and tired tomorrow because I have bought enough Candy to feed half of Manhattan." She informed him laughing.

"Sounds like you're going to have a good night." George smiled.

"Don't start." Olivia warned him and he looked at her innocently. "Shrinking me, I'm not hurting or depressed from what happened today ok?"

"Fine." George sighed.

"Why what happened today?" Bayard asked his intrigue and concern for Olivia winning the battle of whether or not to ask her.

"Missing baby, kidnapped, we found the perp but had to let him go because we didn't have enough to hold him, he left the precinct and killed the kid." Olivia explained heavily, she could still feel the baby in her arms, she had looked like she was just sleeping but Olivia had looked for a pulse and hadn't found one.

"She failed to mention she found the body." George added dryly.

"Oh Liv." Bayard said softly. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, can't win them all Bayard, you should know you fight for the defence." Olivia joked pathetically.

"Yeah but I can't imagine being in that position." Bayard replied shaking his head softly.

"Olivia I chose these." Molly smiled coming in with a DVD in each hand.

"A girl after my own heart." Olivia smiled as she looked at the DVD's Molly had chosen.

"Well we should head off and leave you two ladies to your evening." Bayard smiled looking at George Huang the shrink and defence attorney didn't get on to well and Bayard knew Olivia didn't want the psychiatrist hanging around.

"Uh yeah of course, have a good night." George smiled giving Olivia hug.

"Thanks and I'll see you Friday. Bayard do you have a time you want her home tomorrow?" Olivia asked knowing that Molly would want to stay as late as she could get away with the next day.

"Uh well Softball practise at four." Bayard smiled and Olivia nodded and smiled back.

"That ok Mol?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah!" Molly grinned happily.

"Ok well Bayard we'll see you at four." Olivia said. "Mol I'm gonna show George and your Dad out if you wanna put the DVD on and then we can get into our pyjamas." Olivia smiled and Molly quickly headed off while Olivia showed the men out.

"Any problems Liv just call me and don't be afraid to have to row her if she oversteps her boundaries." Bayard told her.

"I don't think I'll need to row her for anything Bayard she's a great girl." Olivia smiled. "I'm sure we'll have a great night."

"If you need anything Liv call me yeah? I mean, after everything today…"

"Yes George I get the point and I will if I need to but I don't think I will ok?" Olivia told him and he nodded.

"Bye." He said and Bayard gave a wave before both men walked to the elevator and Olivia closed the door.

She went into the living room to find that Molly was sitting fast forwarding the adverts on the DVD.

"So shall we get the Candy, Popcorn and pop ready then get in our jammies, and we can get the hand cream and I'll do your hands and nails, I bought this cool nail kit a while ago and Casey won't let me do anything more than a simple manicure." Olivia said and Molly grinned excitedly and nodded.

Thirty minutes later the DVD was on, Olivia was wearing a pair of light blue bottoms with sheep on them and a white tank top while Molly was wearing a pair of pink pajama shorts with a navy blue lined pattern with a matching tank. They were sat facing each other on the couch with their legs crossed and a throw over them both. In the middle between them was the nail set, a bottle of hand cream, a bowl of water, some cotton balls and nail varnish remover. On the coffee table was a large bowl of popcorn, a bowl of a variety of candy all mixed together and two glasses of cola.

"So what do you want me to do to these?" Olivia asked as she pulled off the pale pink nail varnish from Molly's nails.

"Uh whatever, you choose." Molly shrugged as she looked at the many designs in the small booklet Olivia had with the kit.

"Ok… you ok?" Olivia asked sensing something off with the youngster.

"Can we put the DVD off and just talk?" Molly asked.

"Sure." Olivia smiled reaching for the remote control and putting the TV off. "So what do you wanna talk about?" She asked turning back to the youngsters nails.

"I don't know, it's just … nice to have a grown up to talk to who isn't my Dad." Molly replied with a smile.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything, I won't tell anyone and that includes your Dad unless it's something criminal." Olivia told her and she nodded.

"I just don't know what it's like to have a … a woman in my life, there's only ever just been me and Dad." Molly explained and Olivia nodded in reply.

"I'm sure your Dad has had girlfriends and other female attention." Olivia said softly.

"Yeah but most of them were after his money and tried to pretend he didn't have a kid." Molly explained. "None of them ever paid any attention to me and that's one of the reasons they never worked with my Dad, I think my happiness is more important to him than his own in his opinion."

"I'm sure that's true Mol' I mean I don't have kids so I can't be certain but I'm sure all your Dad wants is the best for you and he wouldn't do anything to make you unhappy ever." She replied reassuringly as she continued to work on Molly's nails.

"I know." Molly replied. "But it's weird for me, I'm a teenager now and I feel really lucky to have met you Olivia because I know I can talk to you about things I wouldn't be comfortable talking to my Dad about."

"Of course, every little girl needs a woman around Mol." Olivia smiled softly, she was pleased the little girl felt like she could go to Olivia about anything.

"I've got a boyfriend." Molly said and Olivia stopped what she was doing to look at the girl.

"And how old is he?" Olivia asked seriously.

"Fifteen." Molly replied and Olivia felt butterflies in her stomach as she went back to work on Molly's nails.

"Ok." Olivia replied slowly. "I'm guessing your Dad doesn't know anything about him."

"Nope. Dad would kill me he wants me to be single until he's dead and can't do anything about it." Molly laughed.

"So do I get to know his name?" Olivia asked.

"James." Molly replied and she looked at Olivia seriously. "Robert James Creswell the third."

"Heir to the Creswell fortune?" Olivia asked in shock.

"Yeah, he's in TP with me." Molly explained.

"Molly, James Creswell is a bachelor and a player honey." Olivia said seriously. "I have to ask but have you…" Olivia felt extremely awkward.

"No Olivia I haven't had sex." Molly giggled as Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm way too young to be thinking about that yet."

"Good!" Olivia exclaimed. "I'm very glad to hear it. So tell me about James."

"Well he's lovely, he likes meeting me at lunchtime and taking me for a walk around the rambles at the back of the school…"

"Which I know is out of bounds." Olivia interrupted.

"Yeah but it quiet away from his stupid friends who are so immature." Molly explained and Olivia laughed, the thirteen year old was going on thirty.

"Ok…" Olivia pushed.

"And we… well we make out but that's as far as it goes and he's never even tried to take it any further and well… well he's invited me to his place to meet his parents who he says are dying to meet me." Smiled Molly, she was trying to hint towards Olivia who nodded her understanding.

"Let me guess, you want me to fight your corner against your Dad?" Olivia asked and Molly nodded.

"I just know he's going to say no but please Olivia, I really like James and that his parents want to meet me that's huge!" Molly grinned.

"How long have you and James been boyfriend and girlfriend?" Olivia asked seriously.

"About four months." Molly replied with a shy smile. "He wants to take me to The Creswell Foundation Gala but I can't go till I've met his parents but to do that I need my Dad to come too."

"Ah so there's more, your Dad has to be there too." Olivia chuckled. "When's the gala?" Olivia asked.

"Sunday." Molly replied.

"Oh and so when are you planning on going to dinner with the Creswell's?"

"Well I've been asked to go there Friday." Molly explained and Olivia nodded.

"I'll talk to your Dad about it but if he says no then it's no ok?" Olivia replied and Molly nodded and grinned happily.

"Thank you Olivia." She smiled.

"You're welcome now what do you think?" Olivia showed the finished nails off to the youngster who smiled happily.

"I love them now I'm going to do yours." Molly replied and Olivia nodded and handed her nails over to the thirteen year old. "So Olivia why don't you have any children?"

"I guess I never found the right man." Olivia shrugged. "But I'm only thirty four Mol' I've got a few years yet."

"How come you never found a guy, I mean Olivia you're hot!" Molly replied making Olivia giggle.

"Hot?" Olivia questioned and Molly nodded softly. "Well finding a guy takes time and I guess I just don't have any. This day off is rare for me Mol." Olivia smiled and Molly nodded understandingly.

"I'm sure you'll find someone." Molly said.

"To be honest I've stopped looking, if it happens it happens and if it doesn't well it doesn't." Olivia told the youngster.

"I'm sure there is someone out there, maybe right in front of you and you just haven't noticed him yet." Molly smiled and Olivia shrugged not understanding this time what the teen was hinting towards.


	12. Invites and Diamonds

After softball practise the next afternoon Olivia, Bayard and Molly went back to the Ellis' household. Olivia and Bayard sat in the living room with a glass of wine while Molly went to bed, she was tired from the night before.

"So I've heard from Molly how good your night was, wouldn't hurt to hear it from you too." Bayard smiled happily.

"It was great, I really had a blast." Olivia smiled back at him, she couldn't help but be happy from the time she'd had with Molly over the last twenty four hours.

"I'm sure, listen Olivia, I'm really happy that you've taken to Molly the way you have, I mean, she's not got a female figure in her life and I know she can't talk to me about everything." Bayard smiled.

"Actually there is something we talked about last night that she asked me to talk to you about." Olivia found her opening and she was going to take it.

"Yeah?" Bayard asked surprised.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "She uh… she has a boyfriend." Olivia said nervously and Bayard's eyes widened. "She's not having sex with him." Olivia added and it was like someone deflated a balloon as Bayard sighed with relief. "She uh, well you and her have been invited to dinner there tomorrow night."

"Invited to dinner? Ok who is this guy?" Bayard questioned.

"Robert James Creswell the third." Olivia replied and Bayard's eyes widened again. "I know. But they've been together four months and she's been asked to The Creswell Foundation charity Gala as his date." Olivia explained. "She can't go with him unless she's met the parents and you've both been invited to theirs tomorrow."

"Ok… well… I guess for Molly I should … I mean if he makes her happy…"

"He does, she was grinning like a Cheshire cat when I agreed to talk to you about it though I made no promises that you'd say yes." Olivia replied laughing slightly.

"Well I am already going to the gala so I guess she'd be supervised, I'll go to this dinner on one condition…" Bayard said.

"And what's that?" Olivia asked.

"That you'll be my date for the evening because I was planning on taking Molly as I couldn't find anyone I wanted to ask." Bayard explained.

Olivia looked away from him for a moment. He was asking her to go to a HUGE charity foundation gala with the upper class citizens of Manhattan as his date, he was already invited to the gala and he was asking her a blue collar cop to go with him.

"Uh well…"

"Oh please Olivia I'll clear it with Cragen." Bayard pleaded.

"No way I can clear a night off with my boss myself." Olivia replied firmly.

"So does that mean you'll come?" Bayard asked hopefully.

"It means I'll think about it." Olivia replied with a smile.

"Ok but don't leave me hanging too long, the gala is this Sunday and I really don't want to go alone." Bayard laughed softly. "Even more I really want to go with you."

Olivia blushed and bowed her head. Hearing Bayard say he wanted to take her specifically really made her feel good.

* * *

Later that night Olivia was sat in her apartment with Alex Cabot. She'd invited her friend over to help her decide about the gala with Bayard.

"Come on Al you're a Cabot, you know how to behave at these things." Olivia pushed.

"Yes and yes I'm going on Sunday but seriously think about this Liv you're a cop and he's a defence attorney that's a conflict of interest if I ever saw one." Alex explained.

"I'm not doing it for Bayard I'm doing it for Molly, she wants to go with James Creswell and he won't let her if I don't go with him." Olivia replied and Alex sighed.

"You do realise it's going to be really boring." Alex laughed and Olivia nodded and laughed too. "Fine lunchtime tomorrow we should go dress shopping because my dear if you turn up in anything unlabelled they're going to label you."

"Oh and what do you think they'll say when I turn up in a four figure dress and they find out I'm a cop." Olivia laughed.

"I don't know, that you're from money and just doing what you wanted to do rather than follow what you're expected to do." Alex shrugged and Olivia groaned. "What?" Alex asked knowing that there was more to the groan.

"My grandmother." Olivia sighed getting up from the couch and going over to a locked drawer.

She slipped her necklace from her neck and Alex spotted that she slipped the pendant into the key hole.

"That thing is a key?" Alex asked thinking about the tiny golden pendant she'd never really looked at.

"Yeah if someone ever broke in here they would struggle to open this thing." She replied before opening the door and revealing its contents.

Olivia pulled out a photo frame and walked back to the couch.

"Valarie Augusta Benson DaRosa." Olivia said handing over the picture to Alex.

"No!" Alex gasped and Olivia nodded weakly.

"Yeah." Olivia replied.

"But she was worth MILLLIONS!" Alex gasped in complete shocked.

"Yeah when my grandfather died just after my Mom was born he left her everything, she remarried into money too." Olivia explained walking back over to the drawer she'd left open.

She went through it and took out some information and a card before going back over to Alex.

"That's the log of the money in the account along with the card to the account." Olivia explained and Alex took that as permission to look into the account log.

"Oh my GOD, Olivia!" Alex was in complete shock.

"When my Mom started drinking Nana Val changed her will and left everything to me so that my Mom couldn't drink away the money. I've barely touched it."

"Barely touched it Olivia you've not even spent the interest you make every year!" Alex exclaimed.

"I know." Olivia shrugged. "I pay my rent from it, my gas and electricity and that's it."

"So what do you do with the seventy thousand dollars you make a year?" Alex asked in surprise.

"Live on it." Olivia shrugged. "I mean have you seen my shoe collection?" Olivia chuckled.

"Surprisingly I have never questioned how you afford to buy a new pair of Jimmy Choos every week!" Alex laughed and Olivia did too.

"I never told anyone who my grandmother was because I don't want people to label me because I come from Money, I mean sort of I don't even know what to do with this kind of money." Olivia explained.

"I can tell you what you can do with it… buy a five figure dress for Sunday." Alex teased and Olivia laughed.

"I guess… I guess it is time for me to splash out right?" Olivia shrugged. "I planned on keeping the money to pay for my wedding… if I ever got married and school if I ever had any kids. Think I can get away with wearing a five figure dress without telling anyone how I paid for it?"

"Worth a try Olivia but Mrs Creswell the 'first' will be there, she was close to your grandmother, she's going to be able to put two and two together." Alex shrugged. "You don't have to do this Liv, you can turn up in a simple three figure dress and no one will bat an eyelid, you're a cop."

"No." Olivia sighed. "I've hidden behind the fact my Mom didn't take the DeRosa surname my whole life and the fact she didn't remember she was one most of the time, she didn't have access to the money and so she didn't have to live the aristocratic life style. I think it's time I did or at least a little because my Grandmother didn't leave me the money to leave it sitting in a bank account right?"

"Right." Alex smiled. "Now tomorrow lunchtime you and I are going shopping, my trust fund could use a little splurging." Both women laughed softly.

* * *

As promised the next afternoon Olivia and Alex hit the high end boutiques in New York. Olivia wanted to find the perfect dress for her 'coming out' party. She couldn't believe how much her life would change once it was known who she was and where she came from. A lot of the morning had been spent deciding how to use her money to do good, she wanted to really make a difference with it and hoped she could find something to do.

"Ok so first the dress, then the jewels." Alex smiled as they walked into a classy boutique together.

"Hi ladies what can we do for you this afternoon?" A woman with short black hair and piercing baby blue eyes asked them with an overconfident smile on her face.

"We're both looking for dresses for The Creswell Foundation Charity Gala Sunday evening." Alex smiled her voice more patronising than usual which surprised Olivia.

"Ah of course, you're a little late ladies most people were in here buying their dresses a good two weeks ago but I'm sure we'll find something for the both of you." She smiled.

The women walked to the furthest end of the boutique to where all the dresses were.

"So do either of you know what you're looking for, any ideas in mind?" The lady smiled and Alex looked at Olivia who shrugged, she had no idea where to begin.

"Ok well I'm looking for something either very light or very dark, full length, modest." Alex explained.

"Seriously?" Olivia whispered.

"She's looking for something dark, full length, modest but sexy." Alex told the assistant and she walked off to gather some dresses for the women to try.

"Sexy?" Olivia asked.

"Hell yeah Bayard Ellis didn't ask you to be his date just so he wasn't going alone!" Alex teased. "You're going to make hearts stop on Sunday Olivia and everyone is going to want to know who you are and where on earth you've been hiding all these years."

"Yeah." Olivia nodded just as the assistant came back.

"Ok so I've put a few dresses on a rack for you if you want to come and have a look." She smiled her hand signalling the way.

Alex and Olivia walked over to the rack and Olivia allowed Alex to go through them.

"No, no, no, no, no, yes." She said flicking through the dresses. "I'll try this one." She handed the light golden coloured chiffon dress over to the assistant and moved on. "No, no, no, yes. Olivia try this one." Olivia nodded as Alex passed her a dark navy dress.

Olivia and Alex both slipped into the changing rooms and quickly tried on the dresses before meeting each other outside wearing them.

"Well?" Olivia asked as Alex stared at her in shock.

"Olivia… wow." Alex managed to say.

"Oh come on." Olivia teased. "It's not that bad is it?"

"Bad? Olivia that dress… on you… you look amazing!" Alex stuttered.

Olivia was stood in front of her in a navy coloured dress. It had just the one strap, thick shouldered. It was chiffon which flowed beautifully though the upper half wrapped around her curvaceous body from the hips down flowed out naturally. It was floor length, A-line silhouette with a stunning piece of jewel embellishment in an x formation leading from under her breasts and meeting in the back along the beneath the shoulder blade sitting. The jewels also covered the back of the thick strap to where it met the hem line.

"Really?" Olivia asked smoothing the dress down her front nervously.

"God yes, I chose well!" Alex laughed.

"Your dress is amazing, I've never seen you in anything like that before." Olivia noted as she looked at Alex.

"It's alright." Alex shrugged turning to look in the mirror.

The dress she was wearing was champagne in colour, with thick shoulders with ruffles and a modest v neckline that met a silk wrap at her waist. A small crystal flower adorned the silk and from it a chiffon drop fell. Flowery embroidery covered the chiffon overlay on the sheath shaped floor length skirt.

"No Alex it's stunning." Olivia pushed, it really was beautiful against her snow white skin and honey blonde hair.

"You think so?" Alex asked and Olivia nodded. "Then we have our dresses."

After leaving the store Alex took Olivia to a jewellery shop to choose her pieces for that night. She was still in shock at how much she'd paid for her dress but then when she saw the prices on the diamonds and pearls Alex was admiring she almost choked.

"I think for you Ms Benson we should go for a simple diamond drop necklace or simple silver chain with teardrop diamond pendant, a stunning thick silver bracelet and simple diamond studs, what do you think?" Alex asked her voice once again caught with that snooty tone as they stood in front of the diamond dealer.

"Hey you're the expert." Olivia shrugged, she didn't think she'd be able to choose for herself even if she tried.

"Ok we'll go for that necklace." Alex said pointing to the object.

Olivia watched as the dealer took it out of the cabinet and showed it to the ladies on the back of his hand.

"Wow that's beautiful." Olivia breathed as she looked at the simple yet elegant silver necklace with a teardrop diamond.

"Yes it is, now that bracelet." Alex pointed and Olivia groaned. "Don't like it?"

"Too flashy." Olivia shrugged and Alex laughed.

"Ok fine that one." Alex pointed and Olivia nodded and smiled, it was much more her.

The bracelet was a simple thin sliver bangle lined with one row of tiny diamonds.

"Those earrings." Alex said and Olivia looked at the simple circle cut diamond earrings and nodded her approval. "Then we're done."

"Hold on are you not buying anything?" Olivia asked seriously.

"Of course not." Alex smiled. "I already own diamonds Honey, I don't need to add to the collection."


	13. Sunday

**So are people still reading this or just ToriRenee161? x**

Sunday afternoon was a nightmare for Olivia, after getting her hair done for the evening she had her appointment with Olivet.

She sat in the office and when the Doctor walked in she did a double take at the Detective sat there in sweat pants and a hoody with perfect hair.

"I have a gala thing tonight." Olivia explained and Olivet smiled and nodded.

"Ok, so how have you been since we last spoke?" Elizabeth asked.

"Uh fine I guess." Olivia shrugged.

"Ok so what did you do after we spoke?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well I left here and I kinda found myself at Saint Christopher's." Olivia explained and Elizabeth nodded. "I did as you said, lit a candle and said a prayer with Reverend Albert Cross." Olivia explained.

"Good, did it help?" Elizabeth asked.

"Sorta." Olivia shrugged. "At first it did I mean I felt a little lighter if that makes any sense but then I found myself angry towards Elliot instead of sad."

"That's progress Olivia, that's grief." Elizabeth explained. "Now you've taken the time to cry properly for your loss now you're angry."

"I told Cragen the next time I saw Elliot I hoped I wouldn't be wearing my gun." Olivia informed her and Elizabeth's eyebrows rose in shock.

"Wow…"

"He took my gun from me and put me on modified." Olivia explained and Elizabeth nodded.

"Have you had your gun back?"

"Yes." Olivia replied. "We had a big case and I had to work it, so he gave it back to me." Olivia replied.

"So anything interesting happen in work, anything that might have upset you?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah on Wednesday we were working a child abduction case, we found the perp and had to let him go because we had no evidence, he left the precinct and killed the baby… I found the body." Olivia replied shakily. "She was just three months old."

"How did you deal with it at the time?" Elizabeth asked.

"I took time, had a cry then I went home because I had plans." Olivia shrugged.

"What were those plans?" Elizabeth continued.

"A friend of mine came over for a girls night in, we had it planned a few days before." Olivia explained. "I wasn't going to let her down."

"So you were drinking?" Elizabeth questioned and Olivia shook her head.

"Uh no, Molly's a thirteen year old girl Elizabeth, no alcohol just a lot of soda and candy." Olivia chuckled. "She's the daughter of a friend of mine, he's a single father." Olivia explained and Elizabeth nodded and smiled.

"Have you drank at all this week?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, a bit." Olivia nodded. "I don't think I got very drunk at all but I drank enough to numb the pain." Olivia shrugged, she knew it was bad but she also knew she had to be honest.

"How much is a bit?" Elizabeth asked.

"Every night but Wednesday." Olivia sighed shakily and looked to the floor, she hated admitting it but she was becoming more like her Mother every day.

"Do you feel the need to drink Olivia?" Elizabeth asked seriously.

"No. Every time I pick up that bottle I put it down and walk away but I once I sit down again it all comes back, every bad case, every memory of Elliot Stabler and I just… I can't … ugh I know if I have a couple of glasses the pain will go away." Olivia replied and Elizabeth nodded continuously as Olivia spoke. "But I'm not dependant on the stuff… not yet anyway."

"The only way you're going to stop drinking is if you want to Olivia, I'm not going to tell you to go to AA or something because that has to be a choice you make for yourself, but I will suggest talking to Don Cragen…" Olivia's head snapped up to meet Elizabeth's eyes. "Yes Olivia your Captain, he knows what it's like to lose someone you love and care about and he knows the affects alcohol can have to dull that pain."

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"Good." Elizabeth replied, she knew that Olivia would try and talk to her Captain because she'd taken the Doctor's earlier recommendation of Church and praying. "So tell me about the thing you've got on this evening."

"It's The Creswell Foundation Gala." Olivia replied knowing that the charity gala had been in every paper and magazine over the past few days.

"Oh right, who are you going with?" Elizabeth asked knowing that no one went to such an event alone.

"A friend." Olivia shrugged.

"Can I set you a challenge?" Elizabeth asked and Olivia nodded awkwardly in reply. "Tonight, see if you can avoid having a drink, try and just enjoy your night."

* * *

That evening came by far too quickly for Olivia's liking. She was sat in her bedroom putting her earrings in when the buzzer rang. Olivia rushed to it and told Bayard she was nearly ready before running back into her bedroom and slipping her feet into her silver sandal Jimmy Choos. Once she added a tiny bit more hairspray into her full updo she nodded at herself before grabbing her purse containing her gun and shield, she hadn't told Bayard but she was on call tonight with the promise of only being called if it was an emergency.

Olivia stepped out of the apartment block to see Bayard standing outside a black stretch limo.

"Wow." He said as he stepped forward with a white rose and handing it to her.

"Thank you." She smiled shyly before rubbing together her blood red lips.

"We should go." Bayard said unsure what else to say.

He stepped back and opened the limo door for her and she slipped inside trying to get her head around everything. Bayard slipped in beside her and once again gave her the once over.

"Olivia may I say you look absolutely breath taking." Bayard said as Olivia nervously fingered the five figure diamond around her neck.

"Thank you, you look amazing too." Olivia smiled. "Where's Molly?"

"She was picked up by James at the house, he will be showing her off to the press tonight." Bayard said and Olivia felt her stomach doing backflips, she hadn't thought about the press.

"So I take it dinner went well?" Olivia asked and Bayard nodded.

"He seems like he really likes her Olivia, I was surprised and he treated her just like a gentleman should treat a woman." Bayard smiled and Olivia gave him a grin in return.

When they pulled up outside the hotel Bayard gave Olivia's hand a reassuring squeeze just before the door opened and they stepped out onto the white carpet leading its way to the door of the hotel.

Bayard took Olivia's hand and led her down the carpet to the press pit where banners of the Charity hung as a backdrop.

"Smile." He whispered into her ear and Olivia managed to push a smile onto her face. "You're beautiful when you smile." He said and the smile that was forced suddenly became very real as she relaxed into the arm comfortably wrapped around her.

When they finally got inside Olivia knew they had to meet some of the people for the foundation and other members of Manhattan's aristocracy. Bayard knew what he was doing so Olivia didn't feel quite so uncomfortable.

"Mr Ellis it's so very good to see you and who may I ask is this beautiful young woman?"

"Mr and Mrs McCaa so very good to see you again, may I introduce Olivia Benson? Olivia these are Mr and Mrs McCaa of the McCaa and Sons Law Office." Bayard introduced.

"So very good to meet you." Olivia smiled and she allowed Mr McCaa to take her hand and drop a chaste kiss onto it.

"You too Ms Benson. Are you from the Ottawa Benson's?" Mrs McCaa asked.

"No from the Benson DeRosa's." Olivia replied and it was obvious that realisation hit not only Mr and Mrs McCaa but Bayard too.

"Of course your grandmother, Valerie?" Mrs McCaa asked.

"Yes, that's right." Olivia replied in a voice that she was sure wasn't her own.

"Where have you been Miss Benson hiding, we haven't seen you since you were a very small girl!" Mrs McCaa grinned happily.

"Well my Mother wasn't one for the social scene after Nana died I didn't get these opportunities and by the time I was old enough to make my own decisions I had no idea where to begin." Olivia replied, she'd already been thinking of answering such questions.

"Of course, well I can't believe you're all grown up Ms Benson, excuse us we should go and see some other people." Mrs McCaa smiled and Olivia and Bayard nodded and excused themselves.

"Benson-DeRosa? I can't believe you didn't tell me Olivia." Bayard hissed quietly.

"It never came up and my Mom dropped the use of DeRosa and I never picked it back up. I wasn't intentionally hiding it from you Bayard." Olivia replied and Bayard sighed and nodded.

After a few meet and greets Olivia was very pleased when they finally ran into Alex with Trevor Langan.

"Olivia!" Alex squealed giving her friend a hug. "Oh my God you look spectacular!"

"Thank you, you too." Olivia replied.

"Yeah right, Trevor you know Bayard Ellis and of course Olivia Benson." Alex smiled and Trevor brought his attention back from the ass he'd been staring at to look at the brunette in front of him.

"Detective? Oh my goodness… wow… uh you look …"

"Amazing." Bayard smiled before leaning in and giving Olivia's cheek a kiss to stop Trevor ogling at her.

"Yes." Trevor replied. "Amazing."

"So how many people have you met so far?" Alex asked.

"Too many!" Olivia joked just as Bayard passed a glass of champagne into her hand. "Bayard I can't I'm on call."

"You can have the one." Bayard smiled and Olivia nodded and took a sip gratefully Olivet's words ringing in her ears but ignored.

"So did you reveal?" Alex asked.

"Yes and everyone seems pleased that I've awoken from the dead of the working class." Olivia chuckled. "It's quite pathetic really."

"What do you mean?" Langan asked not understanding.

"Oh Trevor, you remember your Grandmother talking about Benson-DeRosa right? The one who had the daughter who dropped off the face of the universe?" Alex asked and Trevor nodded.

"Well meet the granddaughter making her way into the aristocratic scene." Alex said and Trevor did a spit take just missing Olivia.

"Shit sorry that's a shock, wow Olivia I didn't know with you being a …"

"A cop?" Olivia asked and Trevor nodded. "Well it's not something I broadcast."

"You do realise you're not going to get any peace now right? You're going to be invited to every gala, dinner and party…"

"I know, and I'm ready for it." Olivia sighed, she'd been thinking it through carefully.

"Good." Trevor replied just as Ms Creswell and her husband appeared.

"Mr Ellis, Ms Cabot, Mr Langan, who may I ask is this?" Ms Creswell asked politely.

"Ah Ms Creswell meet Olivia Benson DeRosa." Bayard said and Olivia gave him a warning look, she had no plans on using her grandmother's name.

"Wow." Ms Creswell said in surprise. "Goodness me I'm going to have to tell Mother."

"Of course." Bayard replied.

"Excuse me I'll be right back." Ms Creswell hurried off as fast as she could in the skin tight sliver sequined full length dress she was wearing.

"Benson DeRosa, I haven't heard that name in years, it is great to finally meet you Ms DeRosa." Mr Creswell smiled.

"It's Benson, I have never used DeRosa my Mother wasn't a fan of it." Olivia smiled and he nodded understandingly.

"So Ms Benson, what is it you do for a living?" Mr Creswell asked.

"I'm an NYPD Detective, I work for the special victims unit." Olivia replied, she wasn't going to hide any part of herself from these people, they could judge her however they wanted.

"Sex crimes?" He asked in surprise.

"That's right." Olivia replied nodding.

"Wow, that's interesting that such a sophisticated young woman would work such a dirty job."

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Oh apologies, I didn't mean dirty in that concept, working crime at all is difficult but sex crimes, it's a tough gig I hear." Mr Creswell explained.

"Yes." Olivia replied. "It is."

Just then the dinner bell rang and everyone was asked to take their seats. Olivia let out a small sigh of relief at least now she'd be able to relax somewhat.

After the meal the speeches began and Olivia found herself relaxed and enjoying the jokes and clapping to the award winners.

Just as she was about to listen to Ms Creswell speak she felt her phone vibrate on her lap.

"Shit." She hissed checking to see who it was. "Bayard I have to take this. It's work."

"Liv you can't leave now." Bayard gasped.

"I have to, give my apologies to whomever but duty calls." She replied before leaning in and giving him a kiss. "I had a great time." She said as he smiled broadly at the fact she'd kissed him.

She hurried out into the lobby before answering her still ringing cell.

"Benson."

_We got two DB's in a building site just off the East River Bikeway._

"I'm on my way." Olivia snapped her phone off before hurrying and hailing the nearest cab.


	14. Crime Scene Dancing & Admitting Drinking

She arrived at the crime scene and pinned her shield to her dress and calling Nick over to her.

"Wow Benson …"

"I was at a Charity Gala dinner now can you find out if Warner has any safety pins on her because this is a very expensive dress and it's bad enough that as soon as I step over the tape my eight hundred dollar Jimmy Choos are going to get ruined." Olivia informed her partner as she held the train of her dress over one arm.

He looked down at her silver sandals and chuckled lightly, not only were the shoes going to get trashed but her feet were going to get filthy too.

"I'll go ask her." He chuckled before walking off leaving Olivia to face her Captain who had just walked up behind her.

"Ms Benson might I say you look beautiful." He teased and Olivia rolled her eyes in reply.

"It's not funny." She warned him as he laughed heartily.

"Of course it is, I never thought I'd see you in a dress like that." He explained and she nodded and sighed.

"I never thought I'd wear a dress like this and I definitely didn't think I'd be called to a crime scene in one either." She replied just as Nick came back showing a silver pin in her hand.

"There you go Ma'am." He smiled.

"Call me Ma'am again and you'll need reconstructive surgery now hold this." She said handing over the train over her dress too him.

He held it uncomfortably as she hitched it up above her knees and began wrapping it awkwardly. By the time she was done no one would be any the wiser that the dress should have been full length except for the awkward section at her hip where it was pinned.

"That will do." She sighed as Nick extended her his hand.

"What?" She asked.

"You're in stilettoes and the crimes scene is just mud and it rained yesterday." He explained and Olivia groaned and hooked her arm around his.

"Let's just get this over with." She groaned as he led her over to Melinda Warner the mud making her sink and she felt the disgusting substance seeping over the edge and in between her toes. "What have we got?"

"Wow Olivia!" Warner gasped and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Thanks." She said. "Now what have we got?" She just wanted to do her job.

"Ok we have two kids around ten years old, no ID's, both well kept, they're clean so they were looked after before they were raped and killed. Both have bruising and severe vaginal trauma but no fluids." Warner said as Olivia slipped on a pair of latex gloves.

"Hold me." Olivia warned Nick and he nodded as she knelt down awkwardly beside the body. "What's this?" She asked tugging on a chain around the victim's neck. "Love. N.S" She read.

"There's one here the same. Love N.S." Warner said signalling to a chain on the second vic.

Olivia shook her head and sighed heavily.

"Help me up Nick. How did they die?"

"Asphyxiation, I can't be certain yet but I think someone suffocated them. Maybe with a pillow, I'll know more when I get them on the table." Warner replied and Olivia nodded.

"We should get back to the house and see where to go from there." Nick said and Olivia nodded again in agreement.

Nick then suddenly scooped Olivia up into his arms making her squeal.

"Nick put me down!" Olivia yelled catching the attention of the nearby CSU techs.

"Not till you're safely over the barrier because it takes way to long for me to guide you through this mud in those shoes." Nick laughed and Olivia held tight around his neck as he carried her to the car.

Once back at the precinct Olivia kicked off her shoes and wiped her blackened toes with some wipes she had in her drawer.

"That's disgusting." She groaned as she threw a dirt covered wipe into the trashcan.

"Well you should carry some spare shoes with you next time you're out and on call." Nick suggested gaining him a dirty look from Olivia.

"Where exactly did you expect me to keep them in my bra?" Olivia replied sarcastically and Nick just laughed in reply, he thought the situation was hilarious.

"So where were you?" Nick questioned.

"The Creswell Foundation Gala" Olivia replied standing up from her desk just as the pin on her dress popped open. "Shit." She hissed as she removed the pin and put it on her desk her dress falling back down to the floor. "Now this is just great."

"Why don't you go change?" Nick suggested knowing all cops kept a spare set of clothing in their locker.

"Can't because someone tripped and spilt coffee over me yesterday and I had to change, I was going to bring a fresh set on Monday." Olivia replied and Nick stared at her apologetically, he hadn't meant to trip over the side of their conjoined desks.

"Ok Olivia, Nick." Cragen said coming into the bullpen and passing them both a coffee.

"Thank you!" She replied relieved.

"You're welcome, now I want you to go down to missing persons with our pictures and see if anyone has reported our Jane and Janice missing." Cragen said.

"Janice?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow.

Cragen shrugged, they couldn't call both their victims Jane at the same time and Janice had just been the first thing to come into his head.

"Now Missing Persons?" Cragen looked from one Detective to the other.

"Can't I go home and change?" Olivia asked signalling to the ball gown.

"Not yet, you should have a set in your locker…"

"No my partner thought I looked good wearing coffee yesterday." Olivia replied sarcastically.

"Then no, because I've already had a call off one pp who have been harassed by the media, until we know who these girls are you're not going anywhere now go and parade your beautiful dress down to Missing Persons." Don replied and Olivia sighed and walked off her bare feet slapping against the floor.

Nick chuckled and quickly followed his partner who was scooping her dress up into her arm showing off her dirty yet perfectly pedicured feet. Luckily for both of them, missing persons was at the same precinct.

Both Olivia and Nick walked into missing persons to a chorus of wolf whistles making Olivia roll her eyes and feel relieved her shield was still pinned to her dress or they wouldn't think she was a cop. They went straight to the Captain's office and asked about their dead girls.

"No we don't have any new cases and they don't look like anyone we've been looking at I'm sorry Detectives."

"Thank you." Olivia replied with a sigh before walking off, there was no point hanging around.

"Sorry about her, she was called in from a hot date." Nick chuckled and the Captain nodded in reply.

Back in the Special Victims squad room Olivia was sat in front of Bessie staring at the pictures of Jane and Janice.

"We're going to have to go to the press." Don said coming to stand behind Olivia. "Why don't you go and get changed…"

Before Don could finish Olivia's desk phone started to ring.

"Olivia Benson Special Victims." She answered tiredly. "Sure we're on our way."

"What is it?" Nick asked.

"Warner says she's got something we're going to want to see." Olivia explained slipping on her dirty shoes. "Come on." She said shivering.

Nick took off his jacket and handed it to her and she accepted it gratefully, he pulled on his thin trench coat before they headed off.

"What have you got for us?" Olivia asked as soon as she and Nick walked into the morgue.

"You haven't changed?" Melinda chuckled and Olivia shrugged she couldn't be bothered to explain again.

"Have you finished the autopsies?" Olivia asked.

"Not yet but I found fibres in the throat which prove my theory about them being suffocated, I also ran their DNA and you may be surprised to hear how they have the same mitochondrial DNA." Warner said.

"That means they have the same mother." Olivia replied and Melinda nodded firmly.

"So we have sisters who were both raped and killed, parents?" Olivia suggested.

"It's likely, the bodies were moved, they didn't die at the building site." Melinda explained and Olivia nodded.

"Well if you find anything else let us know." Olivia finally said after staring at the bodies.

"Of course, remember when you find these bastards throw in an extra hit from me." Melinda said.

"Of course." Olivia replied before walking out.

They got back to the precinct and Olivia filled Don Cragen in.

"Ok so where do we go now?" Cragen asked looking at the pictures of the girls.

"Warner is running a familial match but it's gonna take another few hours before the result is in." Olivia sighed.

"Ok well I am going to make a press appeal at one pp we can hit the morning papers. Run the MO see if anything hits." Cragen said before walking off and Olivia quickly got to work.

When Cragen walked into the bullpen after the press briefing he was surprised to see Olivia slumped over her desk asleep.

"Liv." He whispered shaking her shoulder and she jumped.

"Shit, sorry." She explained stretching a little.

"It's fine. I want you to co-ordinate everyone for the tip lines unis are on their way in as are Munch, Fin and Rollins." Cragen informed her and she nodded. "The techies are on their way to set up the phones hopefully we'll have tips flying in left right and centre, we've not said how the girls died, where they were found or that they were sisters hopefully that will help us."

"Sure thing Cap." Olivia said before yawning. "I'll get straight on it."

Olivia was in the middle of checking all the phones on the conference tables when Munch walked in.

"Ms Benson did you come into work from Prom?" He asked teasingly.

"Charity gala." She replied as she continued to work.

"Well Ms Benson the phones have already been checked, may I have this dance?" He asked extending his hand out to her.

"Munch!" She laughed as his hand found hers and he pulled her into him.

"Every princess should have a dance with the prince." He told her as he began to sway.

"So you're a prince now?" She asked laughing.

"Nope so you'll have to settle for the ugly frog now shh I'm concentrating!" He laughed before humming Blue Moon.

Olivia was giggling uncontrollably when Fin walked in.

"Ok?" He questioned.

"Benson's dressed up I thought she deserved a dance." Munch explained twirling her out before letting her go and bowing to her making her giggle worse.

"Liv have you been drinking?" Fin teased.

"I wish." She replied, she had drunk half a glass of champagne but that didn't count.

"You do look great though Liv." Fin smiled just as the unis walked in.

"Thanks, help me onto the chair?" Olivia asked and Munch and Fin gave her a hand so she could get up onto the chair without falling. "Ok listen up everyone!" She called and the whole room fell silent. "Now we're looking for information that will help us find out what happened to Janice and Jane Doe. They're sisters." Olivia began as she showed the pictures to the crowd. "Now Cragen has recorded the report which goes out in one hour time, he held back the fact that they were sisters, that they were found on the building site and he also didn't tell them about how they were killed, any tip that seems reliable goes on the cork board, then there is a box for the colds and the crazies. You all know how this works, myself, Fin, Munch, Nick and Rollins will be checking out the reliable tips while the rest of you answer the phones. Take your seats and remember green for reliable, pink for cold and blue for crazy there are post it notes by each phone." Olivia gave her hand to Fin but he wrapped his arms around her waist and carried her down making her laugh.

"I'll make the coffee." Nick sighed knowing they were going to be busy for the next few hours as soon as the broadcast went out.

An hour later and Munch, Fin, Nick, Amanda, Cragen and Olivia were sat around the conference table running tips while every uniformed officer and spare Detective were sat around answering phones and rushing to and from the cork board and boxes with their tips.

"Ok one woman called said that the girls looked like her neighbours daughters, apparently their names are Amanda and Amelia and they're non-identical twins." Olivia said looking over the tip in her hand.

"Ok Olivia and Nick go and check it out." Cragen said and Olivia sighed, she was still in her ball gown and wanted to do nothing but go and change into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt but until this case ran out of leads she knew she was going nowhere.

Two hours passed before Olivia and Nick walked back into the precinct. Olivia's dress was pinned up again courtesy of Ms Henshaw the woman who gave them the tip about the twin girls. As she'd spoken to the Detectives she'd put a stich into the dress that she swore if Olivia cut in the right place it would not affect the dress at all but for now the dress stood just above her knees and looked like it had been made to be like that. Combined with Nick's jacket she was a little more comfortable now.

"Ok so what did you get?" Cragen asked coming to meet the Detectives.

"Ms Henshaw swears that the two girls are nine year olds Amanda and Amelia Forest. Apparently they lived next door to her up until about six weeks ago, their Mother is Patricia Forest and the man who lived with them at the time they left was an attorney by the name of Laurence Goodson." Olivia explained.

"Ok so she doesn't know where they went?" Cragen asked.

"Nope." Olivia said through a yawn.

"Ok run the names through the system and see if they pop then you and Nick can go catch a few hours in the crib." Cragen said and they quickly got to work.

Half an hour passed before Olivia went to her Captain's office.

"We've got no Patricia Forest or Lawrence Goodson in the system." Olivia told him as she shut the door and he nodded as she took a seat in front of his desk and rested her head in her hand.

"Something you want to talk about?" He questioned knowing that there was a reason for her not to have just poked her head around the door and left again, she nodded in reply.

He put down his pen and closed the file on his desk so she would have his full attention, he knew that she was struggling to tell him something and he wanted her to know that he was listening.

"Ok what is it?" He asked eventually.

"I saw Elizabeth again yesterday." She said and he nodded encouraging her to continue. "She uh, she recommended I talked to you about … about something."

"Ok." He said. "What about?" He pushed.

"My… my…" She didn't know how to say it out loud, in the confides of Olivet's office it was easier.

"Liv?" Cragen pushed.

"I've… I've been drinking." She admitted a red blush filling her cheeks. "Every night near enough."

"Ok." He nodded.

"Ever since… since the shooting, even when I was with David except when I was with David I just drank less." She explained. "Elizabeth said I should talk to you because… well because…"

"Because I've been where you are." Cragen finished for her and she nodded. "How much?" He asked but she frowned not understanding. "How much are you drinking?"

"Enough to dull out the pain." She said shamefully. "I… I don't black out… I mean I did at the start but now it's just enough for that buzz you know?"

"Let me guess it takes more and more for you to get that buzz now though right?" He asked and she nodded.

"When it started just one shot or one glass of wine was enough." She told him knowing he was understanding her. "Now it's three or four shots or three or four glasses of wine and sometimes it still seems like it isn't enough."

"I understand Liv. I have to ask though do you want to stop?" He asked and she nodded firmly.

"I don't want to turn into her Don… I won't let that happen." She said and Don understood that she meant her mother.

"I'll help you Liv if you'll let me." Don said and Olivia nodded.

"Thank you." She said as her eyes filled with tears and Don walked around his desk and pulled her into an embrace.

"I won't lie to you Olivia. It's not going to be easy." He warned.

"I know." She replied. "But it's gotta stop."

"Exactly. Six pm tonight meet me out front." He told her. "Until then, get some sleep we haven't got anything new to run with it yet."

"Thanks Don." She said getting to her feet.

He gave her a firm nod and watched her walk off before he let out a deep sigh, he hadn't seen how bad she was, he really thought she was ok after the shooting but he couldn't have been further from the truth.


	15. AA

**Because I love ToriRenee161 and how she reviews every chapter here's the next one quicker than I had planned on updating it!**

That afternoon Patricia Forest handed herself over to law enforcement and confessed to murdering Amanda and Amelia. Olivia had been able to go home get some more sleep, shower and change before meeting Cragen outside the precinct at six pm.

"Ok?" He asked her as he slid into the passenger seat of her car.

"Yeah, so where too?" Olivia asked.

"Yonkers." Cragen replied and Olivia nodded and began to drive. "Are you sure you want to do this Olivia?" Cragen asked as soon as they were on their way.

"Yes." She said with her voice full of determination. "I have to be."

"I'm proud of you Liv." He said and she smiled without looking away from the road.

"I've not done anything to be proud of." She replied shrugging.

"Admitting that you have a problem, that's a very big step to take and doing it I know isn't easy." Cragen informed her and she nodded weakly.

* * *

After giving her the directions she needed to get to the place he wanted them to go they found themselves entering an old church hall.

"Ok?" He asked and she nodded words not coming into her mind easily, she had guessed this is what he wanted her to do but that didn't make it any easier.

"It's an open meeting Liv, you don't have to use your real name I never do and you don't have to say anything." Cragen smiled.

"So what do I call you?" She asked surprised.

"Frank." Cragen chuckled.

"I'm never going to remember that, what if I mess up?" She asked and he shrugged.

"It doesn't make a difference to me anymore it's just a habit now." Don replied.

Once inside she saw ten other men and women, some of them looked a little rough around the edges, others look as normal as she did.

"Ok shall we sit down?" One man called and everyone took a seat in the circle of chairs set out. "Ok so everyone welcome nice to see some old faces joining us and some new ones too, we can start with the introductions so everyone can see where we're at and then we can split up I'll start, my name's Greg I've been sober for twenty years and have been running this regular AA meeting for five."

Olivia breathed deeply as they slowly went around the circle, she realised that most of the people in the group had been sober for quite some time.

"My name's Frank I've been sober for twenty five years." Don said and then it was Olivia's turn and she found her mouth completely dry and the most annoying thought penetrating her mind was that right now she needed a drink and badly.

"Uh I'm Valarie and I'm here to get help to stop drinking." She said shakily and Don took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Once everyone had introduced themselves Greg spoke up again.

"Ok so now I want you to split into what step you're in maybe those who have completed all twelve steps can mingle and help those who are still working on it." Greg called. "Valarie why don't you come over here to me?"

Olivia looked nervously at Cragen and he nodded encouragingly to her. Slowly she made her way across the room to where Greg was sat and Don felt comfortable enough to go and do his own thing.

"Nice to meet you Valarie." Greg smiled shaking her hand.

"You too." She replied nervously and his smile became reassuring.

"So first of all why don't you tell me when you started drinking or when it was you became dependant on Alcohol." Greg suggested and Olivia nodded.

"Well… there was a shooting." She said trying to make sure she didn't give too much away. "One friend of mine, she died another… well he shot a teenager in self-defence and she died and I haven't seen or heard from him since, that was seven months ago and I started drinking really the night the shooting happened." Olivia explained carefully.

"Ok good, now I'm sure you've heard of the twelve steps do you know what the first step is?" Greg asked and Olivia nodded.

"Admitting that you have a problem with alcohol." Olivia said and Greg smiled and nodded to her. "I have a problem with alcohol." She said firmly and his smile widened.

"You really believe that too don't you." He stated and she nodded.

"I've known for a while and admitted that I had a problem a couple of weeks ago." Olivia replied. "Doing that was easier than I expected it to be."

"Most people say that, once you've said it once it gets easier, so I saw you came in with Frank. You know him?"

"Yeah, we've been very good friends for years… he's like a father to me." Olivia replied glancing over to Don who seemed to be having a very intense conversation with a younger man.

"Well he will be a great sponsor for you Valarie, he battles with the disease daily but hasn't slipped in twenty five years, I admire him with what he does for a living." Greg said and Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Valarie would you like to pray with me?" He asked offering her both of his hands.

"Uh sure." Olivia replied uncertain but she slipped his hands into his anyway.

"Our Father, we pray for forgiveness as we ask for strength to conquer our disease and weakness. As we join forces to fight against alcoholism we ask for Your support and we ask you to remind us of Your love. Amen."

"Amen." Olivia whispered as Greg gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

"Ok?" He asked as she lifted her head, she had tears in her eyes but she nodded in reply. "Good."

* * *

When they left Olivia drove in silence, she didn't know what to say and Don decided if she wanted to talk then she would. Without thinking she drove straight home forgetting Don was in the car.

"Want a coffee?" She asked as she pulled up.

"Yeah sure." He replied with a soft nod.

When they went upstairs Olivia switched the kettle on then opened what was obviously her liquor cabinet. Don said nothing as she pulled out ever bottle in there and put them by the sink. Once the cupboard was empty she went to the sink and emptied every bottle.

Don watched her reach for one bottle after the other emptying the contents down the drain and he felt really proud of her. He made the coffee while she finished and rinsed out all the bottles and put them in a bag.

"Here." He said passing her a coffee when she was done.

"Thanks." She smiled before walking through to the living room and he followed without question. "Just feel like if they're not there, that's half the battle right." She shrugged and he nodded with a smile on his face.

"The fact you felt strong enough to get rid of it all Liv. It's amazing." He smiled and she gave him a weak smile as she played with the mug in her hand.

"I think tonight I realised that if it's something I want to do I have to take charge and that's what I'm doing." Olivia said with a form of determination in her voice that Don had only ever heard her use when she was trying to close a case.

He smiled broadly. Olivia wasn't an alcoholic, she was on the path to become one but she wasn't there yet and the fact that she felt strong enough to kick it to the kerb now meant she'd never be one.


	16. Best Dressed

The next morning Olivia sat at her desk filling in some paperwork when Nick dumped a magazine in front of her.

"What's this?" She asked frowning.

"Flick to page twelve." He said as he took his seat.

Olivia knew it was a magazine that was only sold in New York but she'd never bought herself a copy before. She quickly flicked over to page twelve and saw a report on the Creswell Foundation Gala. After reading she flicked the page and her mouth fell wide open and Nick laughed to himself.

"Oh my God." Olivia mumbled.

"Bet you never thought you'd see yourself like that." He said as she stared.

It was the best and worst dressed list from the Gala. Olivia was third on the best dressed list and there was a picture of herself and Bayard it was while he was whispering in her ear and her smile was wide. She laughed to herself remembering what he'd said and why she was smiling that brightly.

"What you laughing for?" Nick asked.

"Just remembering what Bayard is saying in my ear in the picture." Olivia replied shrugging and Nick decided not to ask what was being said.

Olivia began to read what the comments were on the dress she was wearing Nick spotted someone coming into the bullpen and walked to see who it was and what they wanted.

Olivia Benson DeRosa on the arm of Defence Attorney Bayard Ellis sported a stunning full length navy blue Love Rebel dress. The fitted top with silver embroidered sequins amplified the top half of the dress, giving it a little more to look at while the simple chiffon fabric fell stunningly into a short church train. This dress is a bargain at $7,999. Miss Benson sported this dress with a stunning full updo which allowed her to show off a simple diamond teardrop pendant from West Wings coming in at $12,000 and a pair of solitaire cut diamond earrings at $9,000 and diamond simple row bangle at $8,500. The look was made complete with Jimmy Choo's model 343 at $800 and Gucci silver clutch at $550. To get Miss Benson's look - $28,049

"Olivia." Nick called just as she finished reading the article with an inward groan, she knew that he would have seen that and wondered how someone earning just seventy thousand dollars a year could spend that much on an outfit.

"What?" She asked spinning her chair around just to see Nick stood there with Mr Robert Creswell the second. "Oh Hi." She said getting to her feet and going over.

He extended his hand just as he had at the gala and kissed it chastely making Olivia cringe inwardly.

"Ms Benson, you're a difficult woman to find." He said and Olivia smiled awkwardly as Nick hadn't left her side. "You didn't leave your address behind before rushing off Sunday night."

"I didn't get the chance I was called into work." Olivia replied with a smile.

"Yes I heard from Mr Troy that you were seen down near Battery Park in your dress. I can't imagine there being a more beautiful police officer on duty that night." He smiled and Olivia blushed scarlet. "Anyway not why I'm here." He said reaching into his suit jacket pocket and pulling out a cream envelope. "Here."

Olivia took the envelope and saw her name as Olivia Benson DeRosa written in golden calligraphy. She quickly turned it over and opened it to find an invite to the eldest Creswell's eightieth birthday party that Saturday.

"Will you be able to come?" He asked.

"I don't know…"

"Yes you will Liv we're catching on call Saturday night." Nick interrupted.

"Exactly Nick, Saturday night on call chances are we will get called in." Olivia informed him and he shrugged.

"Just make sure you have clothes here to change to this time." Nick joked and she glared at him before smiling.

"I'll try and make it." Olivia told Mr Creswell.

"Good because my Mother didn't get the chance to speak with you on Sunday and she was very disappointed, you've been hiding far too long Miss Benson." He smiled.

"Yes I guess." Olivia replied. "I also guess I need to go shopping." She laughed and Mr Creswell grinned widely.

"If you look half as spectacular as you did on Sunday you'll look stunning Ms Benson, I should go though these business meetings aren't going to conduct themselves. Have a good day." He said kissing her hand again before shaking Nick's.

"Have a good day." She said as he walked off.

She looked down at the invite in her hand and groaned inwardly. She knew as soon as she said who she was that this would happen but she'd hoped for a while she could hide from it, the fact that Mr Creswell had tracked her down to give her this invite told her otherwise.

"So Ms DeRosa when were you going to let me know you're a blue collar worker from a very old aristocratic family?" Nick asked as they walked back to their desk.

"Never, it's none of your business." Olivia replied. "Not even Elliot knew and I've kept away from this crap until I went with Bayard Ellis to the charity gala."

"Oh come on Liv as soon as they printed this I knew there was more to you than I and everyone else knew. You spent nearly thirty thousand dollars on clothes and diamonds for a party!" Nick said in shock.

"And? I've not touched my inheritance Nick there's more than double what was there because of the interest and I knew that I would be judged on what I was wearing so Alex and I went shopping." She shrugged.

"Yeah I wondered if Alex Cabot had gone with you seeing as she is what? Nine beneath you on the best dressed list?" Nick snapped.

"Why are you so mad about this?" Olivia hissed.

"I'm not…"

"Yes you are!" She snapped. "Just because I didn't tell you that I come from old money? That's none of anyone's business Nick that includes you."

"Ok children what's the problem?" Don sighed standing in between the two desks.

"Olivia's been holding out on us." Nick snapped slapping the magazine into Don's chest before walking off.

Don looked down and saw the picture of Olivia and Bayard Ellis and then scan read the article.

"It's none of his or your business." Olivia said seeing his eyes widen.

"I didn't say anything." Don replied.

"You didn't have to your face said it all." Olivia hissed turning back to her computer.

"It may be none of my business Olivia but if anyone knows you reads this they're going to be asking a heck of a lot of questions Olivia you spent nearly half your yearly salary on a dress and some diamonds." Don said putting the magazine on the desk.

"Pull my financials if you want Don." Olivia snapped. "Go back my whole life and you'll see where the money came from but until then… it's none of your business." She snapped walking over to the coffee pot.

"I don't want to do that Olivia, actually I won't do that but someone else will if they think the funds are coming from somewhere illegal." Don explained.

"That money was there before I was born. When my mother became an alcoholic my grandmother Valarie Augusta Benson DeRosa changed her will and left everything to me because she knew my Mom would drink every penny." Olivia explained. "But like I said before it's none of your business."

"Oh and if the FBI come knocking it's none of their business either?" Don asked and Olivia shook her head.

"I told you if it interests you that much pull up my financials and you'll see that money has been in that account since the day my grandmother died." Olivia snapped. "And the only thing that's ever gone out of that has been my rent which you might find is less than what the interest is per month."

"So that account just keeps going up?" Cragen asked.

"Well it used to but I spent thirty thousand dollars on a dress and diamonds the other day that's probably about three months of interest." Olivia shrugged, she didn't like talking about her money with her boss but she knew he would pull her financials if he was suspicious which meant he would find out anyway.

"Thirty thousand dollars is around three months of interest? Jesus Olivia how much exactly are you talking about in that account?" He asked in shock.

"Without giving you a figure that Money has been just sitting there since I was three years old, I'm thirty four now so that' thirty one years that money has sat there without being touched except it paid for college and the police academy. So you think about how much interest it had every month over thirty one years." Olivia said shrugging. "I've always known that money was there Captain, I could have a penthouse suite or a brownstone on Park Avenue and it wouldn't even put a dent in the account, I don't want the money Cap never have done but like Alexandra said it's there I might as well spend it."

"Understandable." Cragen replied he was still in shock.

"I could quit and I wouldn't be any worse off financially Don, but I don't care money isn't everything." Olivia said before walking off.

Cragen just watched her go back to her desk with her coffee. He couldn't believe it but she was right it was none of his business or anyone else's for that matter and so he knew that he could ignore it and forget about it because she was still just Olivia it didn't make a difference that she had a bank account bigger than most in Manhattan.

Olivia played with the phone in her hand trying to decide whether or not to make the call. She gave up and searched through her contact list until she found his number and pressed call.

_Hello?_

"Hi Bayard its Olivia. Listen have you received an invite to the Creswell eightieth party?"

_Of course, why have you?_

"Yeah…"

_You wanna go together?_

"Well that's why I was calling." She replied with a very un-Benson like giggle.

_Sounds good to me. _

"I am on call though so…"

_Yeah I get it hopefully you want get called in, I'll pick you up at seven?_

"I'll see you then." She smiled broadly.

_How about the softball game on Friday?_

"I'll try and make it depending on work I might be able to skip out early." Olivia replied knowing that Molly wouldn't be pleased if she wasn't there.

_Ok Liv. Have a good day. _

"You too." Olivia replied with a smile before hanging up.

She put her phone down and the smile stayed on her face as she turned to the computer to get on with work.


	17. Moving One Step Forward

**I'm in such a good mood I thought another chapter wouldn't do anyone any harm!**

Friday afternoon Olivia was watching the clock as she tried to finish one more DD5 before going to ask Cragen if she could slip out to go and watch Molly's softball game. She'd already text Bayard to say she wouldn't make it in time for Pizza but would try and make it for ice cream and he'd text back saying that he wouldn't say anything to Molly just in case she couldn't make it.

As soon as she finished and saved the document she rushed to the Captain's door.

"Hey is it ok if I slip out?" Olivia asked.

"Sure you're on call tonight right?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yeah I promised that I'd watch Molly's softball game." Olivia replied.

"Well have a good night then Liv." Cragen smiled knowing that if she was watching Molly play softball there was no way she'd be drinking, he knew she'd been doing well, he'd been checking in with her and she swore that she hadn't had a drink since the Charity Gala.

* * *

"Livvie!" Molly yelled seeing the Detective walking towards the table.

"Hey Molly." Olivia smiled as the teen wrapped her arms around the Detective's waist.

"I'm so glad you came!" She squealed.

"I said I'd try didn't I." Olivia grinned happily, she loved being with the over excited teenager. "So did I make it in time for ice cream?"

"We haven't finished Pizza yet." Molly smiled taking Olivia's hand to lead her to the table.

"Hey Liv." Bayard smiled kissing her lightly on the cheek as she sat down.

"Hey." She smiled back blushing slightly, she remembered kissing him as she left for work the other evening, it had been spontaneous and surprising to both of them.

"Here." He said lifting up a piece of peperoni pizza near her mouth.

She laughed and bit into hit both of them unaware that Molly was watching with a huge grin on her face.

"Thanks." She said as she took the rest of the slice form his hand. "I've barely had the chance to breathe today."

"I'm sure." He replied. "So did you get a dress for tomorrow?"

"Yeah not quite as spectacular as the one from the other night, I didn't have much time to choose but Alex Cabot loves it so I guess it's ok." Olivia shrugged and he smiled at her.

"I'm sure you'll look amazing in it." He said and she blushed a little.

* * *

After the softball game where Molly's team won they went for the usual hot dogs before going over to Bayard's house.

Molly kissed and hugged both Bayard and Olivia before making her way to bed leaving the two adults alone. Bayard made them both a glass of wine and though Olivia didn't want to drink it she also didn't want to become a tee-total ex alcoholic, she wasn't an alcoholic she was just a heavy binge drinking, she didn't need the alcohol, she wasn't dependent on it and she wanted to be able to enjoy a glass or two of wine or a beer with the boys from work.

Olivia sat on the couch nervously fumbling with the half full wine glass in her hand. She felt awful for drinking, especially seeing as she had been doing so well with Don Cragen since the AA meeting.

"Liv you seem tense." Bayard said putting down his own glass on the coffee table and then reaching for hers.

"I'm just thinking." She shrugged allowing him to take the glass from her hand and while one of his hands put her glass onto the coffee table the other stayed holding her.

He looked at her, scanning her face for any sign of her being uncomfortable with the contact but she wasn't, that was obvious. It was almost as if she was asking him to move forward when she scooted a little closer to him.

She kept her eyes on his, they'd kissed before, the feel of his plump lips on hers wouldn't be anything new but somehow this felt new, this felt dangerous because they both knew this was frowned upon by both of their co-workers.

Her eyes flickered from his darkened orbs to his lips and back again and he took this as a sign that it was ok for him to make his move. He inched his face closer to hers and slowly pressed against her pink lips. Her eyes flickered shut at the contact. As she felt the firmness of his kiss against her she slowly allowed his tongue to penetrate her mouth.

As he deepened the kiss he enjoyed the taste of her Cherry flavoured lip gloss, committing the combination of gloss, wine and her natural taste to memory as a taste he never wanted to forget.

The kiss was slow and tender sending small shivers of pleasure down both of their spines. Her arms snaked around his neck and though her mind screamed at her not to do this and that she wasn't ready to do this, her hand gripped the back of his head gently pushing him deeper into her.

His arms encircled her own body and stroked up and down her slender frame. The feel of his hands against her even though through clothes sent arousal spiralling through her body. Every few seconds they separated momentarily only to latch on again quickly.

He was intoxicated by her spicy smell that engulfed his nostrils. His hands continued to explore her upper body through her clothing, her shoulders, her back, her waist and hips never going near her breasts or lower than her tank top's seam line.

She did the same, she allowed her arms to slip from his neck and stroked down his arms taking in each crease, each bump along the way. Other than the sound of their kiss the only other noise she could hear was her beating heart and their combined breaths as they fell into the back of the couch.

Olivia's mind still screamed that she should stop, save herself the heartache that two men had already caused but she couldn't the pleasure and joy she felt at being in Bayard's arms won every time.

Not once did he try and push what she was giving him further, he wanted to just enjoy the feel of her lips against his, her tongue exploring his mouth, her teeth biting and teasing his lower lip, sometimes sucking against it before she kissed him hard again.

He wrapped her hands into her soft hair as their kiss slowed, he knew there was only so much she would give him and for now that's what he would accept, he wouldn't push her because he hoped that when she was ready she would instigate anything more she wanted.

When their lips finally broke apart her forehead fell into his. Their sweat mixed together as she snuggled her nose against his in an eskimo kiss, their erratic breathing finally slowing to normal.

"I think… I should go." She said softly.

"I don't want you too." Bayard said honestly as he took her hand into his own and gripped it tight.

"I have to work in the morning." She replied hooking her eyes onto his without moving her forehead from his.

"I know." Bayard sighed. "I'll call you a cab." He told her.

"Ok." She nodded and then finally they broke apart as he got off the couch and went to the phone.

Her finger went straight to her swollen red lips. She could still feel how his lips had felt against hers, she could still taste the combination of wine and peppermint that he'd left in her mouth and she could still smell his cologne which had rubbed off onto her sweater from where he'd held her.

"It's on the way. I'll walk you down." Bayard smiled and Olivia took the hand he offered out to her.

"I had a great evening." She told him as they walked down the front steps.

"I did too, I hope we can do this again soon." He told her and she nodded and smiled at him.

"I'd like that." She smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said just as she stopped to turn to him.

"Yes you will." She said cheekily and he chuckled before leaning in to kiss her again.

It was just a soft kiss, nothing compared to what they had both shared on his couch. They were both lost in their sensual kiss as the taxi pulled up.

"I should go." Olivia said breaking the kiss.

"Yeah." Bayard nodded just as a knock came from the upstairs window causing both of them to jump and turn around.

Molly was in the window of her bedroom waving wildly at them and Olivia's head fell into Bayard's chest as she laughed.

"Guess she knows." He said as his hand stroked her back.

"Yeah." Olivia laughed. "Call me." She said as she stepped towards the taxi.

"Of course." He replied and he shut the taxi door for her once she was inside.

As the taxi drove away she avoided glancing back towards the man she knew was watching her leave. Once again her fingers went to touch her lips where not moments ago had been latched tight to her.

She never wanted the kiss to end. When she was in his arms she felt safe, protected as if nothing or no one could hurt her but as the taxi drove towards her apartment she sighed heavily because she knew if she was going to get hurt, it was because of him or by him and maybe not on purpose but it would happen eventually, just as she had been hurt by David Hayden and just as she'd been hurt by Elliot Stabler. She felt like she was destined to be unhappy.


	18. Placing Down a Bet

The day had been long and boring at the SVU office. It was now three pm and Olivia had already been to get her hair done during her lunch break. This time she'd gone for a tight French bun in the side of her head. She was now sat with her feet up painting her nails a crimson red unaware that she was being watched by Nick and Fin who were sitting at Fin's desk.

"You think she looks different?" Nick asked.

"Well I've never seen her with her hair like that but she's got that Creswell party hasn't she." Fin replied shrugging.

"No there's something different about her today and I can't put my finger on it." Nick explained hastily, he knew that he was the closest person to Olivia on the squad these days, she spent more time with him than she did anyone else.

"Well you should ask her." Fin suggested and both men laughed softly, they knew Olivia wouldn't tell them if something was up.

"Is it me or does she look like she's day dreaming?" Nick asked and both men comically tilted their heads to the side and studied her face.

"Nah man baby girl's just concentrating on her nails." Fin said disbelievingly, he was actually agreeing with Nick but he didn't want her partner digging into her privet life.

"I can't believe she's going to the party tonight, she called someone earlier and said they had to pick her up from here because she's on till six thirty and catching tonight. Part of me hopes that we get called on a case so she doesn't have to go."

"Why would you say that?" Fin frowned.

"Because I don't think she really wants to go." Nick said shrugging.

"How come?" Fin asked knowing he wouldn't say such a thing without a reason.

"Well you heard her when she said she 'had' to go and get her hair done, she didn't sound too excited." Nick shrugged.

"It's Benson, getting her hair done has never been a pleasurable experience, twice she cut the lot off so it would be less effort to take care of it." Fin replied. "Wasn't till someone said she gave off a gay vibe that she grew it all completely back and said she'd never go that short again."

"Someone said Benson gave off a gay vibe?" Nick said in disbelief. "That's one thing that woman has never given off in this direction."

"That's just because you fancy the pants off her!" Fin teased.

"No I don't…"

"Every man who has ever walked in her fancies the pants off her Nick, Jesus when I first walked in here I thought I was gonna have a heart attack the woman turned me right on, and Munch admitted when she first came here he was in awe of how stunning she was but she only ever had eyes for Stabler, didn't matter how many men she dated Stabler was always her man." Fin explained not caring that he was admitting how he once fancied the woman he was now like a brother to.

Both men continued to watch as Olivia finally finished doing her nails and put away the crimson varnish before blowing lightly on her perfect nails, both men could see how she oozed sexuality and sensuality, she was gorgeous, there was no denying that by anyone.

"Hey Olivia can I've a word?" Cragen called from the office door.

"Uh sure." She replied throwing the nail varnish in her open drawer and kicking it shut as she walked passed.

Both Nick and Fin watched her go wondering what it was their superior wanted with her but they knew they probably would never know that.

"So you looking forward to this evening?" Don asked her as she shut the office door.

"Uh yeah." She shrugged, she wasn't sure why he was asking her such a question.

"There's going to be a lot of drinks floating around…" He said making a light go on behind her eyes.

"Don…" She sighed taking a seat opposite him. "You know that… I don't even know how to explain this…"

"Try it." He said and she nodded, she didn't know why she was nervous.

"I didn't have a drink all week, the thoughts… the reasons that I drank were but I didn't drink and that for me is what I wanted to achieve, last night I did drink, just half a glass of wine but it had nothing to do with … with Elliot or David or the shooting or anything it was just me and … and a friend talking and having a drink and even after I got home I didn't want any more but having a drink socially with a friend was nice…"

"Liv I get it." He said putting a hand up stopping her. "The best thing is that you can do that, I knew you would be able to at some point I just was worried you wouldn't feel strong enough to be there and so all I can say is enjoy your evening, I hope you don't get called in and have fun." He smiled.

"I will." She said getting to her feet. "Thanks Don… for everything."

"You're welcome Olivia." He smiled as he walked around his desk and she surprised him with a firm hug which he didn't hesitate in returning, she meant the world to him.

She left the office and went back to her desk ignoring the looks she was getting from Fin and Nick who had spent the time while she was in the office wondering what it was that she and her Captain were talking about. She pulled all her makeup out from her drawer including a small stand up mirror.

The men watched her in awe as she pulled off all the makeup she was wearing which wasn't much.

"It always amazes me how women can be bothered." Fin said to Nick and he nodded in agreement.

"It's only four pm and I know we're working but she's not been picked up till seven." Nick replied and it was Fin's turn to nod.

"So what do you think about her and Mr Bayard Ellis?" Fin asked knowing that Nick would have seen and heard much more with him being Olivia's partner.

"I don't know, I think they're just friends to be honest because she's still getting over Hayden and that they're close for Molly's sake, she needs a woman in her life, a mother figure and Olivia provides that." Nick replied and Fin nodded.

"Yeah but did you see that picture of them in the magazine he seemed to be very close to her and that smile on her face was real." Fin said firmly.

"Yeah but he was whispering in her ear and she was half laughing he probably said something funny." Nick shrugged, he wasn't sure if Olivia would risk a conflict of interest with a defence attorney, doing it with the EADA had been on thing but risking it with the defence attorney was something completely different.

* * *

At six fifteen Olivia made her way up to the cribs to finish getting ready. The men had watched her transform her face from her ordinary simple eye shadow, mascara and lip gloss into two tone foundation, light pink blush, gold and dark brown smoky eyes with a simple dark eyeliner and super extension mascara. She finished the makeup off with a dark red lip stick that amplified her dark hair, eyes and olive skin. She had almost been unrecognisable by the time she'd finished.

"I wonder what her dress is like." Nick said making Fin laugh.

"Man she'll be down here in a bit and you'll get to admire her ball gown." Fin teased.

"Nah man I was thinking you and I make a bet on how high on the best dressed list she'll get this time." Nick replied and Fin turned to him with a smirk.

"Fine but Munch will be pissed if we make a bet without his involvement." Fin said.

"And it's Munch's day off so it's you and me, pick your position." Nick shrugged and Fin sighed.

"Twenty five dollars I recon she's gonna be fifth." Fin said.

"You think she's gonna be lower this time than last time?" Nick asked. "I'll put twenty five on her being second." Nick replied.

"You serious?" Fin asked. "Not that she isn't stunning and she could make it onto the best dressed in a bin bag but she's new into this stuff, too premature for her to get there."

"She was third last time and I recon it's only up from there." Nick shrugged.

"I'll put twenty five on Olivia being at the top this time." Alex Cabot said from the entrance catching both men's attention.

"Wow Miss Cabot you do scrub up well." Nick smiled seeing the blonde ADA in what was her evening gown.

"Yeah you look great Alex." Fin smiled.

Alex Cabot was wearing a simple blue halter neck dress with v neck. The neckline and straps were lined with silver beadwork. The dress wasn't exactly figure hugging falling to the floor quite straight with a slit from the thigh down. The back was drawn together with diamonds four lines on each side meeting just between the shoulder blades in an oval before linking with the halter neck straps.

"Thanks, now where's Liv?" She asked.

"Getting changed upstairs, what are you doing here?" Nick asked in reply.

"Oh Trevor and I are catching a ride with Bayard and Olivia tonight." Alex replied making both men's jaws drop.

"Trevor as in scumbag lawyer Trevor?" Fin asked and Alex nodded.

"Yeah we're not dating or anything just he and I have been going to these things since we were teenagers and made a promise that if we weren't dating anyone that we could take we went together, that was before either of us became lawyers." Alex explained and both men nodding believing her without question.

Hearing the slapping of heels on the balcony all three turned around to see Olivia arriving at the top of the stairs. All three were momentarily awe struck.

"That bad?" She asked seeing all three of their faces.

Slowly all three shook their heads and Olivia walked down the steps elegantly, it was almost like she was floating.

Olivia's dress was plum purple. It was floor length, strapless but with a one shoulder neckline. The natural shaped waist was rumpled chiffon as was the neckline but from the waistline down was satin. In the back from the waistline fell a chiffon train that was only attached at the waistline and detached from the rest of the dress. She'd slipped a diamante clip into the bun that crawled slightly up her head which made up for the fact she wasn't wearing a necklace. In her ears were her solitaire cut diamonds and on her arm was her bangle. On her feet, hidden by the dress was a pair of three inch cream Gucci court shoes with sliver diamantes up the heel and around the wedge that she'd bought to replace the now ruined Jimmy Choos from the previous ball. To finish the look she had a cream faux fur wrap that hung over her elbows.

"That dress is amazing Liv!" Alex squealed as she rushed to hug her friend.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled. "I am loving this." She said signalling to Alex's dress.

"Oh this old thing? I've worn it to five events and made it onto the worst dressed list every time but I don't care it's quite comfortable." Alex shrugged while Olivia laughed softly.

"I guess when you've been doing this for some time you don't have to pick a new dress every time and care what they're saying about you." Olivia replied and Alex nodded in agreement.

"Now Olivia the car is here so are you ready our men await." Alex laughed.

"Yeah I'm ready." She smiled.

"Have a good night Liv." Nick smiled giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks."

"Have a good time Olivia." Fin smiled.

"Night fella's." Alex yelled from the entrance of the bullpen.

"Wait Alex I want a picture of the two of you." Don said rushing out with his digital camera.

"Oh my God Daddy wants prom night photos." Alex teased winking at Olivia as she slipped her arm around her friend.

Don took a full length photo and a close up before nodding his head to signal that he had done.

Olivia and Alex left giggling arm in arm knowing they were going to have a good time.


	19. Getting Somewhere

**Thanks for all reviews**

"I hate you right now." Olivia said walking into the hospital with her heels in her hands.

"What you haven't been home yet?" He asked in surprise. "Come on Liv it's one thirty am."

"Yes and I was having a very good night until you called me!" She snapped, the truth was she'd been sat in the back of a taxi with her tongue halfway down Bayard Ellis' throat when Nick had called her.

"Sorry." He shrugged. "I was told if I needed you after one am to call you and if it was before one am to call Munch, this call came in at twenty past one."

"So where's our vic?" Olivia asked quickly going into cop mode.

"Ah well uh…"

"Nick where's our victim?" Olivia asked firmer.

"She recanted and then discharged herself." Nick sighed.

"You didn't chase after her?" Olivia asked in shock.

"No because the nurse started the rape kit and was doing the gyno when she said she lied and she said the kit would prove it." Nick explained.

"And?" Olivia asked.

"The kit proved it, she was a virgin nineteen found drunk and didn't want to get in trouble for ending up in hospital for underage drinking." Nick explained tiredly.

"You've got to be kidding me you didn't collar her for filling a false police report?" Olivia snapped, she was pissed that her evening had been ruined.

"Nope she was in a cab before I'd even made it to the door. Sorry Liv and she probably used a false name too." Nick shrugged and Olivia nodded in agreement.

"I am going to see if I can salvage some of this night, I'll catch you later." Olivia replied. "Try not to need me."

Nick could only watch and laugh as she stormed out of ER with her heels in one hand and her purse and the train of her dress in the other.

* * *

"Hey didn't wake you when I called did I?" Olivia asked as Bayard opened the door.

"Nope." He replied with a smile. "My thoughts were with you."

"That's sweet." She laughed. "Now where were we?"

He smiled and pulled her into him allowing her to kick the door shut as she latched her lips onto his and he had to walk backwards guiding her into the living room.

"Well when your partner called I didn't think I'd find us here." He laughed into the kiss.

"Neither did I, part of me is glad the vic was a fake, tonight I don't have to listen to any victim crying and get to finish the night on a high." She replied as he stroked her arms, her forehead against his.

"Oh yeah? How high?" He asked teasingly playing with the strap of her dress.

"Hmm how high can you go?" She replied with a cheeky smirk.

He latched his lips back onto hers and she laughed into his kiss as they both fell into the back of the couch their hands still exploring each other's upper bodies.

The closer Bayard's hands got to her breasts the more she arched into him, she wanted him to move their relationship on further. He eventually took the hint and she moaned into his mouth as his hands squeezed her breasts through the chiffon and satin of her dress.

"You like that baby?" He asked huskily and she nodded and giggling into his mouth. "Yeah?" He asked and she giggled some more.

Her hands slid up and down his thighs and the closer she got the more he shifted towards her.

"God Liv." He moaned and she giggled even more.

His hands slipped from her breasts and down her waist and hips to her thighs. She moaned comfortably into his mouth and it was his turn to chuckle.

"You want more?" He asked and she nodded. "Yeah?"

"God yeah." She moaned as his hand caressed her through her clothing causing a throbbing ache in the pit of her stomach.

Her heart was hammering inside her chest as she stroked him through his Prada suit trousers. She was content, no she was happy being here, in this situation with Bayard but piercing thoughts of Elliot and David still penetrated her mind but that just made her even more determined to move her relationship with Bayard forward.

He was excited, he had fallen fast and hard for Olivia and he knew she probably didn't feel as strongly about him as he felt about her but he was sure that she felt something for him.

Her hands on his belt made him adjust himself to assist her while his hands slowly pulled up her dress.

The feeling of the silk fabric sliding up her legs turned her on more than she was already. She moaned wanting him to go faster but she wasn't going to complain, she also wanted to enjoy the moment and make it last as long as possible.

"Oh my God." Olivia mumbled as his hands stroked up her thighs, she was cupping him through his boxers and he groaned happily as she applied pulsating pleasure.

His fingers played with the line of her G-string panty and she nodded slowly encouraging him to go further.

He smiled and brought one hand to her cheek so he could make her look into his eyes.

"Ok?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yeah." She smiled.

"Then lift up." He chuckled softly and she did so he could slip her panties off. "Lay back." He whispered adjusting a cushion for her to lay her head on.

She smiled up at him as she lay looking at him. His hands were back on her thighs going closer to her centre.

As his finger finally stroked her she moaned and arched her back in reaction to the touch. He lowered himself to meet her lips and she wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him firmly before using his weight to pull herself back up to sitting.

Her hand snaked down his trousers this time pushing his boxers out of the way at the same time. Her hand clasped around him and he grunted before slipping his fingers into her.

He clasped his lips to her once again, enjoying the mixture of lipstick, champagne and her own natural taste in his mouth, the intoxicating smell of her perfume filling his nostrils turning him on further.

As both their hands worked their hips began to move in tandem, their lips clung to each other and sweat beaded on both their foreheads.

Bayard realised how lucky he was that Molly wasn't there as the nearer Olivia got to her climax the louder she became.

"Oh God." She moaned as his fingered worked her harder and faster as he himself neared orgasm.

"Olivia!" He grunted before spilling his seed all over her hand and she continued to work him until her own orgasm took over her body and she began to contort almost unnaturally and Bayard found it to be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"God Bayard." She moaned as she tipped over the edge.

He withdrew his fingers and latched his lips onto hers and they both fell down to the edge of the couch. He pulled the comforter from the back of the couch and they both held onto each other as they fell into sleep.


	20. Good to Bad Morning

Olivia woke up to her phone ringing loudly. She automatically reached over to where she thought was her bedside cabinet but when she fell with a crash onto the floor she realised that she wasn't at home. She groaned and rubbed her bed as Bayard leaned over the edge of the couch laughing.

"What are you doing down there?" He asked as she frantically looked for her clutch bag.

"I fell." She laughed finally locating her phone. "Benson… shit I'm on my way."

"What is it?" Bayard asked as Olivia got up and gathered her things.

"We over slept, I'm late." She said as she shoved her panties into her clutch bag.

"You're going in like that?" He asked as she leaned over and kissed him.

"I have too, I've got clothes at the precinct." She replied before kissing him again.

"Wish you didn't have to go." He moaned into her mouth.

"Me too but I do." She replied. "Call me." She said before hurrying out leaving Bayard to lie back and think of the perfect evening he'd spent with the Detective.

* * *

After grabbing a cab to work she rushed into the precinct with her head down, she couldn't believe that she was going in still in her dress now rumpled, no underwear which no one would be able to tell anyway and her hair sticking out and her makeup messed up.

When she breezed into the squad room and dumped her stuff on her desk she avoided the eyes of her partner who was eyeing her up.

"Uh Good night Olivia?" He asked as she went over to her locker.

"Yes thanks." She replied before grabbing her clothes and hurrying for the stairs, not before Captain Cragen came out of his office and caught her.

"Benson still in her dress?" He asked.

"Yeah something tells me that she didn't go home last night." Nick sniggered, Don however didn't find it as funny.

He rushed into his office and went into his bottom drawer, he'd never wanted to find himself in this situation especially not with Olivia but desperate times called for desperate measures and he just hoped he was wrong.

He slowly made his way up to the cribs where he knew Olivia would be trying to change and knocked on the door. She yelled for him to 'come in' and he did slowly knowing that there was about to be a full blown argument.

"Hey Liv." He said.

"Hey sorry I'm late, I didn't set the alarm last night." She said and he shook his head to say it didn't matter she wasn't that late.

She was wiping her makeup off in the mirror with some wipes she kept handy and she could see Don shifting nervously behind her.

"What is it Cap?" She asked moving on to remove her earrings.

"Uh Liv… uh how much did you drink last night?" He asked.

"Uh I had a glass of champagne when I arrived and a glass of wine with dinner." She replied without hesitating.

He nodded and shifted uncomfortably again.

"What don't believe me?" She asked as she began sorting out her hair.

"It's not that I don't…"

"It's that you can't right?" She asked shaking her head with a disbelieving smile on her face. "Well take my word for it Cap I didn't have a drop after ten pm."

"I can't take your word for it Liv." He sighed as she turned to look at him.

"What?" She asked.

"Your eyes are blood shot, you come in still in your dress from the night before looking a little… uh worse for wear." He said with an apologetic look in his eyes, Olivia had a smirk on her face remembering why she was looking worse for wear.

"So what do you want me to do?" Olivia asked and she watched as he lifted up the breathalyzer in his hand. "You're serious?" She asked in shock and he nodded slowly.

"I can't have you jeopardising any cases because you're intoxicated Olivia." He explained.

"And if I refuse?" She asked sternly.

"You go home and find yourself suspended for the week." He replied and Olivia walked over to him and took the breathalyzer from his hand.

"That's unfair." She replied with tears stinging her eyes, she'd come in looking worse in the past.

"No it isn't Olivia." He replied. "If I thought any of my officers had been drinking on the job I'd ask them the same thing."

"What happens if it's high?" She asked him seriously.

"Then you go home for the day, sleep it off and find yourself in Huang's office first thing Monday." He stated firmly.

"This is so unfair Don if I hadn't come to you and confided in you that I was struggling and was using Alcohol to help me cope you wouldn't even be in here asking me to do this." She hissed, she was angry and he didn't blame her as if she was telling the truth she had every right to be pissed off.

"That's not true…"

"Yes it is!" She yelled interrupting him. "If I hadn't told you that I had a drinking problem you wouldn't dare consider me coming into work drunk, I have never and would never come in if I didn't think I was fully functioning, I mean I have thrown sickies in the past six months because I had a few to many to drown my sorrows but never in a million years would I come in drunk…"

"You came in stinking of alcohol after your break up…"

"Yes but I was still sober, legally anyway." Olivia yelled knowing that everyone downstairs would be able to hear them but not caring, he had no right to be like this with her.

"Just make a decision Detective, blow or find yourself suspended for a week and a mark in your jacket saying that you were intoxicated at work." He snapped finally having enough of her arguing with him.

He watched as she set up the device and blew into it until it beeped. When it did she looked at it before he could.

"I think someone owes me an apology." She hissed slapping the machine into his chest as she walked past him, she had known approximately how low it would be and it had been even lower than that.

"Zero point zero two one, residual." He said. "Olivia I'm sorry…"

"You know I expected more from you Don, I thought you trusted me more than that." She snapped slamming the door of the cribs behind her, she wasn't going to cry in front of him but the tears were nearing the edge, confiding in him had let him use her problem against her.

"Detective Benson!" He yelled leaning over the banister as she went over to her desk.

He rushed down the stairs and she just stood there with her arms crossed defensively across her chest.

"What you want to continue arguing about this here?" She asked one hand signalling to the bullpen which had gone quiet to watch and listen to their superior and Detective go at each other.

"No I want you to get your act together…"

"Get my act together? You have a bit of a cheek Captain." She hissed. "You know next time you want to breathalyse me and accuse me of being drunk why don't you do it right here at my desk? Everyone can enjoy the show then." She hissed and he slammed the machine onto the desk and it crunched making it obvious to everyone he had broken it.

"I wasn't accusing you of being drunk…"

"No? What do you call coming up to the cribs while I was getting ready and asking me to take a breathalyzer then?" She hissed angrily and he gave up and grabbed her arm pulling her towards the office.

Once inside he slammed the door shut making the glass rattle.

"I wouldn't… it's not that I don't' trust you Olivia it's that I was scared, I've been there remember, the drunken one night stands and…"

"One night stand? You serious? I have a bit more respect for my body than that Captain!" She hissed.

"I …"

"I was with someone, a someone I have been seeing on a regular basis for the past three weeks as friends at first but the relationship developed and just so you know I didn't have sex with him last night but yes I slept beside him last night!" She hissed angrily, she knew he would drop it eventually she had clearly won this argument.

"Fine, just get to work." He said and Olivia grabbed the door. "I really am sorry for not trusting you Olivia, really."

"Thanks." She says. "I guess an apology is better than nothing."

She went over to her desk and everyone but Munch, Fin and Nick went back to work.

"Ok seriously what was that about?" Nick asked before either of the other to could.

"Cragen thought I was drunk, came up to the cribs with a breathalyzer." Olivia replied. "Son of a bitch wouldn't take my word for it."

"How high?" Fin asked.

"Zero point Zero two." Olivia replied. "I had one glass of champagne and one glass of wine, the reason I was in my dress still was because I didn't go home last night."

The men looked at each other in complete shock, Olivia was never this open about her privet life but they guessed she just wanted to stop down some of the rumour before they started.


	21. Friends and Family

After a boring morning of paperwork Olivia was shattered, she and Bayard didn't get to sleep till after three the previous evening and she had been at the precinct by eight.

"Olivia?"

She spun around and smiled as Bayard Ellis walked closer to her desk.

"You kinda skipped breakfast so I thought I'd bring you some lunch." He smiled and she grinned at him as that was such a thoughtful thing for him to do it almost made her melt.

"Thank you." She smiled leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. "Really."

"No thank you, I had such a great night Liv." He said and she laughed softly.

"So did I." She replied.

"Well I have to go get Molly from her friend's house, why don't you come over for lunch tomorrow?" He suggested. "I'm making a roast."

"I'm off so yeah I'd love too." Olivia smiled.

"Molly will be pleased, I'll see you later Olivia." He leaned in and kissed her lips before turning and walking away leaving Olivia smiling in his wake.

"So I'm guessing he's the reason you didn't go home last night." Nick smirked and Olivia shrugged it was none of their business.

* * *

The next afternoon Olivia found herself at Bayard's house talking with Molly while Bayard finished cooking lunch.

"So Mol' tell me can I trust your dad's cooking?" Olivia asked making the teenager who was painting the Detective's nails giggle.

"Yeah, he's a great cook Livvie honest." She replied and Olivia laughed.

"Good!" She said. "So how are things with James?"

"Really good, so Olivia are you looking forward to this week's best dressed?" Molly asked finding her way of getting questions in.

"Hey as long as I'm not on the worst dressed list I am not complaining!" Olivia laughed.

"That could never happen Olivia I mean did you see yourself in that purple gown?" Molly asked and Olivia smiled, it felt really good to be complimented on her dress choice by Molly. "I mean Dad couldn't keep his hands or his eyes off you."

"Molly!" Olivia gasped before spluttering laughter.

"Oh come on…"

"I love you Mol but I am not having this conversation with you ok?" Olivia giggled and Molly sighed, laughed and nodded in reply.

"Girls dinner!" Bayard called and Olivia smiled, that sounded so natural coming from his mouth.

Once around the dinner table and Bayard had said Grace they tucked into their food.

"So Molly tell us if you had fun at Jasmine's the other night." Bayard said kicking off the conversation with a topic that he knew both Molly and Olivia would be comfortable with.

"Oh it was great, we played games, laughed a lot and just did normal slumber party things." Molly shrugged, her dad wasn't normally interested in what she did with her friends.

"Good." Bayard smiled.

"It wasn't as good as a sleepover with Livvie though." Molly said and Olivia smiled broadly.

"Well we'll have to do it again soon Molly I enjoyed having you over." Olivia replied, she really had enjoyed her night with the teenager, it made her forget all about work, Elliot, David and everything else wrong with her life for a few hours.

"Really?" Molly asked her eyes lighting up.

"Absolutely, I don't know when but I'll make time ok?" Olivia smiled and Molly nodded excitedly.

The rest of the meal was enjoyable and they played scrabble for a couple of hours before Olivia had to leave.

"Thanks for a lovely afternoon." She smiled as Bayard walked her to the door.

"Thank you for coming." He smiled back as he leant in for a kiss.

Olivia smiled as her lips brushed against his, he really was doing things to her no man had ever managed to do before. She kissed him heavily before climbing into the car and he watched her go till the car was out of sight.

"So Daddy are you and Livvie like boyfriend and girlfriend?" Molly asked, she was standing on the stoop of the house as Bayard turned to walk back up the steps.

"I don't think so Molly, I don't … we haven't even talked about it yet." Bayard shrugged, the last thing he wanted was for Molly to get hurt, the teenager had connected with Olivia and he hated the possibility of her getting hurt.

"Well Dad ask her out for a meal just the two of you and then talk with her!" Molly said like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"You really think she'll want to?" Bayard asked not to sure, he knew she had a few daemons she was still battling with.

"Yes! God Dad she's the only woman you've brought to meet me that I like too!" Molly replied exasberated.

"Ok! Ok, I'll ask Olivia out on a date ok? But I can't promise that a relationship will happen because I want to keep Olivia in my life and if that has to be just as a friend Molly that's how it stays got it?" He wanted Olivia to be his girlfriend more than he could possibly tell his teen daughter but she nodded and stalked off to do her own thing leaving her father to contemplate how on earth he was going to ask Olivia out without scaring her away.

* * *

Olivia had barely been in the apartment five minutes when her buzzer rang, she left the coffee she was in the process of making and made her way over to the intercom wondering who would be calling around at this time.

"Hello?" She asked because she wasn't expecting anyone.

"Hey Liv…"

"Come up." She replied knocking the button to release the door downstairs, why on earth would he be calling round on a Sunday.

She opened the door and went back to the kitchen pulling out a second mug knowing exactly how he took his coffee.

"You ok?" He asked as she handed him the drink.

"Course I am George but I am wondering what you're doing here." She replied walking past him towards the couch.

He followed unsure what she was getting at but followed her anyway.

"I just wanted to see my friend Liv, that's all." He shrugged.

"Yeah right." She mumbled but he heard it. "What is it you really want?"

"Don told me about yesterday and wanted me to come and see if everything was ok." He replied honestly, he knew there was no way he could tip toe around it with Olivia, getting straight to the point was also better.

"Wow do you always do what Don tells you to?" Olivia asked avoiding his statement.

"No, only when I agree with him." George replied shrugging and Olivia shook her head and sniggered, what Don had done yesterday had really upset her but she wasn't going to give it away that easy.

"Whatever he told you isn't his place to say, it's my business." Olivia said annoyed knowing that Don was betraying her confidence.

"All he said was that he asked you to take a breathalyzer and you freaked out about it." George replied honestly.

"He asked me to take a breathalyzer because I confided in him that I had … I had been using alcohol as a coping mechanism and Olivet suggested I talked to him because he'd been there." Olivia informed her friend honestly, she knew there was no point lying because he'd shrink her head until she told him.

"Oh." He replied.

"He saw me come in still in my dress, I was late, I looked a mess, I get it that he didn't trust me you know but when he asked me what I'd had to drink and I told him he should have believed me, I'd rather him ask me where I was then ask me to take a breathalyzer to prove I wasn't drunk." Olivia explained her talking becoming more like rambling now.

"So where were you?" George asked.

"I spent the night with Bayard Ellis on his couch." Olivia replied with a smug grin, she still couldn't believe what had happened that night, it was like getting to third base or something, moving the relationship … or whatever it was they were on.

"Oh." George replied with a smile. "So everything between you going well?" He questioned.

"George I didn't have sex with him." Olivia said firmly, ok maybe they hadn't gone the whole way but they'd gotten somewhere past making out.

"I didn't say that you had." George replied.

"But I implied that I had because I stayed there with him on his couch." Olivia shrugged. "I just wanted to clear up any misunderstanding."

"Two adults can share a perfectly innocent night together…"

"I didn't say the night was innocent either George." Olivia said rolling her eyes making the shrink laugh.

"Oh come on you can't say that and not spill!" George laughed making himself sound like one of her girlfriends than her shrink and friend.

"Well we did a little more than making out on the couch but I didn't have sex with him." Olivia shrugged trying to make it out that it was no big deal.

"So you really like him?" George asked.

"Yeah, I think I do." She smiled broadly.


	22. Arguments

After a second day off Olivia made her way into the office on Tuesday with a copy of New York's Class under her arm, she hadn't been able to resist buying a copy knowing there was a chance she was going to be inside it.

She smiled at her co-workers in greeting and sat down with her coffee and her magazine hoping that she wasn't about to find herself in the worst dressed from the party.

Of course she had nothing to worry about, she smiled as a large picture of herself and Bayard, larger than the first picture from the Charity Gala filled half the page.

Olivia Benson DeRosa made her mark in a Valencia plum gown. The Italian design looked like it was made for the Detective who had been hiding from the social scene since her grandmother's passing. Miss Benson amplified the simplicity of the dress with a diamante floral clip in her hair and a faux fur wrap. She may be knew to this scene but she doesn't show it with her amazing sense of fashion.

She smiled at the article and picture, she could see how happy she was and how comfortable she was on Bayard's arm.

"So where did you place Liv?" Nick asked seeing her looking at the magazine.

"Place? It's not a race Nick." Olivia laughed softly.

"Ok rank then." Nick laughed back, he needed to know who won the bet seeing as Cragen and Munch had bet to.

"Why?" Olivia asked inquiringly, she knew what they were up to because she was far from stupid.

"No reason…"

"Don't lie." Olivia interrupted.

"Fine… We've got a bet on." Nick replied knowing that Olivia wouldn't give him the rank if she didn't believe him.

"So tell me who's bet what." Olivia replied.

"Alex said first, I said second, Don said third Munch went with fourth and Fin said fifth so now tell us who won!" Nick laughed, he was desperate.

"So winner gets a hundred bucks? You're buying me lunch Nick." She smiled passing him the magazine and he grinned.

"Yes! I won! Lunch is definitely on me Benson." He laughed putting the magazine on his desk.

* * *

When Olivia and Nick arrived back from lunch that he paid for she found a small bouquet of daisies on her desk. She frowned wondering who they could possibly be for and went over to find the card missing.

"Olivia, you and me dinner at eight on Thursday? Bayard." Fin read from the card. "So Liv when were you planning on telling us about this new boyfriend?"

"Hand it over." Olivia sighed, the men in her squad were her brothers, she should have known instantly one of them had it.

"Ah not until you tell me how long Mr Ellis has been Bayard…"

"We've been friends for years!" Olivia snapped angrily as she tried to snatch the card from him but Fin was faster and managed to get it out of her reach.

"Seriously? Flowers and a dinner invite? Sounds like more than a date." Fin replied.

"Well it's not and it will probably be Bayard, Molly and I, you know his thirteen year old kid?" Olivia hissed, she didn't like it when any of the men got over protective.

"Fin just give her the damn card." Rollins said jumping for it and managing to swipe it from his grasp.

"Thanks Rollins." Olivia replied with a smile.

"No problem, he can be a jerk sometimes." Rollins said rolling her eyes towards her latest partner, Munch was taking more and more of a back seat these days and Rollins and Fin worked well with each other.

Olivia went back to her desk and wondered whether she should call Bayard to confirm dinner or not. She wasn't sure she wanted to say yes because it was quite odd her asking her by sending flowers. Deciding she wanted too she decided to send him a text to confirm because she really had nothing else to say.

_Thanks for the flowers, dinner sounds great see you Thursday – Liv x _

After that she turned to her computer and got to work hoping to complete as much of the ever growing pile of paper work as possible, she was so caught up in her work that she didn't spot a man walk straight past her desk to Cragen's office until the door opened and Cragen asked her to step inside.

"David?" She questioned seeing the lawyer standing there with his arms cross and an angry look across her face. "What are you doing here?"

"You have got to be kidding me Olivia!" He snapped and Olivia stared at him in shock.

"Uh what?" She asked folding her own arms defensively, the last person she wanted to be face to face with was David Hayden the man who broken her heart.

"This!" He yelled picking up a magazine and Olivia groaned internally seeing the picture of herself and Bayard Ellis on the front.

"What about it?" She asked angrily.

"Oh so you're not denying it?" He asked viciously.

"Denying what?" She yelled feeling confused.

"That you're sleeping with a defence attorney?" He replied.

"Uh that's none of your business." She snapped glancing at Cragen.

"Yes it is because Olivia he's prosecuted cases you worked on this was brought up to my unit and I was told to reopen every case that caused the two of you crossed paths." David snapped angrily.

"Well up until three weeks ago David you're the person I was sleeping with and I haven't slept with Bayard we're just friends!" She yelled angrily.

"Are you really? Because you seem impeccably close to me!" He yelled thrusting the magazine into her face causing her to smack it and make it go flying across the room.

"I have every right to be close to whomever I want counsellor that has NOTHING to do with you, what is this jealousy? Might I remind you that you took the job that caused us to split not me so don't you dare come in here all high and mighty!" Olivia wasn't about to let him get one up on her.

"I had too!" He yelled.

"No you didn't you had a choice!" She screamed not caring that Cragen was stood watching and listening.

"I told you I'd quit!" He yelled back at her.

"And you'd hate me and we'd end up breaking up because you wanted that job David there's no denying that!" Olivia hissed. "Whatever I do now is none of your business or your unit's business and I am NOT sleeping with Bayard Ellis and even if I was … it's none of your business now get out and don't come back!" She screamed.

He knew that was it, there was nothing he could say or do that would get her to back down so after one glare at her he marched out of the office leaving her sending daggers at him with her eyes.

"Why did you even let him in here?" Olivia asked turning to face her superior officer.

"I didn't think he was going to yell." Cragen replied honestly, he did feel bad for what had just happened.

"Oh right but you thought it was ok to let my ex-boyfriend question me about who I may or may not be sleeping with?" Olivia asked. "Just so you know Don, I'm not sleeping with Bayard Ellis … not yet anyway." She shrugged.

"Ok." He nodded.

"Just ok?" She questioned. "No warning about telling you when we do get there or no be careful warning or no warning about conflict of interest?"

"Nope, I know you've already gone through all of those yourself and I honestly wish you and Mr Ellis all the luck in the world Olivia, he makes you happy and you deserve to be happy." Don replied simply.

"Uh ok." She nodded and the gave him a weak smile. "Thanks."

"No problem." He replied and she took that as a form of being dismissed.


	23. Drink Drugs and Cigarettes

"So tell me about you Olivia." Bayard said as soon as the wine was served.

Olivia smiled and laughed a little, she had been surprised when Bayard had told her which restaurant they were going to, she had even guessed at that point that it meant Molly wouldn't be joining her and that this was a date.

She had chosen to wear a strapless, sweetheart neckline three tier colour block dress purple at the top, red then pink and it fell to the knees completely figure hugging. She felt sexier at this date than she had in months, the dresses she'd worn to the charity and birthday party had been feminine but not sexy, not like this one.

"What do you want to know?" Olivia asked as she picked up her wine glass and pressed it to her cherry coloured glossed lips.

"Everything." He replied smugly and Olivia laughed softly.

"Well give me a starting point." Olivia replied and she watched as Bayard's eyes rolled up to show he was thinking.

"Ok you're seven years old, who was your best friend?" Bayard asked and Olivia laughed softly.

"Uh a girl called Samantha Crane, she was in my class in school." Olivia replied.

"Tell me about her and you." Bayard said and Olivia continued to laugh softly.

"Ok well we used to play dolls together and once we married each other." Olivia laughed as did Bayard and his smile melted her heart as did hers him. "Now it's your turn."

"Ok my best friend when I was seven was DeShawn Grey we used to play these really random chase games and we used to play this game where we were drug dealers… I know…" Bayard laughed when he saw Olivia's near spit take when he mentioned drug dealers. "That's what we thought we'd be you know, drug dealers and pimps."

"You made a life for yourself Bayard, you didn't become what society expected you to." Olivia replied softly as she saw it hurt him.

"Yeah." He smiled.

"What happened to DeShawn?" Olivia asked.

"He's doing twenty five to life in Attica for murder." Bayard replied and Olivia sighed and gave him an apologetic look. "He killed a pimp who'd raped his girlfriend."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not I told him to let me and the cops handle it but he didn't." Bayard shrugged before smiling at Olivia. "Where's Samantha now?"

"Last I heard she was hooking up in the Bronx, I ran into her once begged her to let me help her but she didn't want to hear it." Olivia replied with a soft sigh and Bayard reached over and took her hand.

"We both a few skeleton's to talk about, how about we talk about something lighter for tonight and then we can talk about our skeletons some other time?" Bayard replied as he played with Olivia's soft hand.

"I'd like that." She smiled knowing that one day she would trust Bayard with everything she'd ever been through and vice versa but tonight was about them.

* * *

Olivia lay in bed listening to the sound of the city through her partially open window. It was five am and she had been woken by yet another nightmare. She'd had enough of them and it was driving her mad that she couldn't sleep and she was desperate to go to the twenty four hour bodega and by a bottle of whiskey but she wasn't going to do it.

In the end she gave up and got out of bed. She showered and thought of the wonderful evening she'd had with Bayard just chatting, laughing and when he'd walked her home and kissed her outside the door before saying goodnight… it had been like a dream that she thought would never come true and she knew she was falling love with him.

When she finally left for work Olivia decided that she had enough time to walk the familiar route. She walked past the bodega and then came to a stop. The call to drown all her fears and anxiety with alcohol was screaming to her and slowly she back tracked and went into the small store.

"Ah Detective what can I do for you on this fine morning?" The friendly Chinese man asked that man Olivia had known for years but never bothered to learn his name.

"I'll have a bottle…" She cut herself off and sighed softly.

It was wrong in so many ways. She'd been doing so well and the last thing she wanted was to take five steps backwards now but the nightmare that had woken her in a cold sweat replayed every time she closed her eyes. As she thought her eyes stopped on the array of packages behind the counter and she realised she could try something other than alcohol to get her through the day.

"Twenty Marlborough lights." She said and the small man tilted his head slightly in surprise but didn't hesitate in handing her the box of cigarettes. "And a lighter please." She added and the man grabbed a lighter and clicked it to make sure it worked.

"Seven dollars ninety five." He said and Olivia handed over a ten dollar bill and waited for her change.

"Thanks." She said before heading out into the street.

As she walked she unwrapped the box and pulled out one cigarette and she didn't think twice in lighting it up and taking a heavy drag.

She coughed after inhaling. She hadn't touched a cigarette since she'd tried it back in high school but it was better than the alternative of hitting the bottle again.

Taking smaller puffs so that she wouldn't choke again she actually enjoyed the taste and the kick in the back of her throat as she walked to the precinct.

Once inside she found the mints she kept in her drawer and her perfume and used it to disguise the smell of smoke from her but Cragen who had been stood by Bessie the computer saw and jumped to one conclusion.

"Olivia a word?" He asked signalling his head to the office.

She nodded and quickly followed him in not realising that he suspected her of drinking again.

"Anything you want to tell me?" he asked sitting on the corner of his desk while she folded her arms across the chest.

"Uh? No?" She questioned really not understanding.

"So how was your morning?" He asked her and she frowned.

She knew she had bags under her eyes because she'd been woken by a nightmare and she knew that her superior wouldn't have missed it but she wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"Liv have you been drinking again?" He asked her.

"No." She replied firmly. "But of course you won't take my word for it."

"I can't…"

"I know." She nodded. "Get the breathalyzer." She told him. "If it means that much to you we can do this every morning until you can believe me that I am not relying on alcohol to help solve my problems."

"I think it might be a good idea." He agreed and she nodded.

"I can tell you now that I drank last night. Two glasses of wine with my dinner while I was on a date." She said as he went into his drawer and took out a breathalysing kit. "I'll be honest with you, it crossed my mind though."

"What?" He asked as he put the kit together.

"To have a drink… this morning … I was … I had a nightmare and I wanted a drink so bad but I didn't." She said taking the breathalyzer from him and then putting her lips to it.

He watched her, knowing she would never volunteer to do this if she'd had a drink and once the machine bleeped she passed it to him without looking.

"I'll get back to work now. I guess we'll repeat this tomorrow." She said before walking straight out the office.

Don glanced down at the numbers and let out a breath of relief. She really was telling the truth but giving her a breathalyzer every morning would definitely calm his anxiety so he wasn't going to go back on her idea.

* * *

Olivia and Nick had been on a case of a raped six year old girl. As they left Mercy Nick could see Olivia's hands shaking and her breath shallow.

"Liv?" He questioned softly. "You ok?"

"Yeah I just need a minute." She said leaning up against the wall.

"It never gets any easier does it." He noted and she nodded in agreement.

"I've done this job for thirteen years Nick and things like that… Jesus it's horrible." She sighed and reached into her coat pocket, her hand closing around the box.

As she pulled it out of her pocket followed by a lighter Nick's eyebrows rose but he didn't say anything, it wasn't his place to mention it. He could only watch as she slipped one cigarette in between her lips and light it before taking a long drag like she'd been doing it all her life.

"I didn't know you smoked." He said as it looked like she had been for a long time.

"I didn't." She shrugged. "I just needed something."

"So you think cigarettes are the answer?" He questioned and she glared at him.

"I don't need a lecture." She warned and he shrugged.

"Those things will kill you."

"So will a bullet." She snapped before walking off towards the car leaving Nick to follow her slowly.

Once back in the precinct he watched her carefully. She was on edge about something. Her legs kept bouncing up and down and the end of a pen was wedged between her teeth. He could tell that her anxiety levels were through the roof.

"I can't breathe." She moaned dropping her head into her hands.

She felt like someone had wrapped a belt around her ribs and was slowly pulling.

"Smoking will do that to you." Nick replied but then he noticed it was serious.

Olivia had turned a funny shade of white and he could see the sweat building on her forehead and the short bursts of air she was grasping at.

"Liv?" Nick asked hurrying around to the side of the desk.

"I think she's having a panic attack. Amanda said kneeling down beside the older female Detective and taking her hand."

"Olivia you need to breathe slowly. Real slow sweetie." Amanda coached but it wasn't working and the tears spilt from Olivia's eyes as she desperately tried to catch her breath.

It wasn't the first time this had happened but other times Olivia had been able to bring herself out of it but this time she couldn't and it was scaring her. Nick hurried off to get Cragen as Amanda continued to try and relax Olivia who was fighting a losing battle.

Suddenly Olivia's world stood still and everything went black.

"I need some help over here!" Amanda yelled as she caught Olivia who had fallen straight into her chest.

Don and Nick hurried from the office just as Fin entered the bullpen and hurried over.

"What happened?" Don asked as Fin called for an ambulance.

"She had a panic attack I think." Amanda replied as Nick helped her lay the Detective on the ground and put her in the recovery position.

"Shit." Don sighed running a hand down his face, Olivia definitely was a lot worse than he first thought.

* * *

Olivia came round after an oxygen mask was placed on her face. She was still on the precinct floor and she was definitely groggy.

"Liv?" Don asked softly as she blinked up at the ceiling.

She went to take the oxygen mask off but a hand gripped her wrist.

"You need to keep that on Ma'am." An EMT said softly and she just nodded and closed her eyes again before slipping away.

When she next woke up she heard the soft beeping of machines and she realised she was in hospital. She groaned feeling stiff and wondered how long she'd been out for.

"Liv?"

She felt a vice like grip on her hand and her eyes slowly opened. She'd recognised the voice so she knew she wasn't in danger.

Her free hand went to the mask on her face and she pulled it away.

"What happened?" She asked, her voice dry and unnatural.

"You had a panic attack at the precinct and then you had an anxiety attack when you lost consciousness the second time and you've been having them periodically ever since." Don explained softly.

"What while I was out?" She croaked and he nodded.

She looked at him and saw his eyes red and raw and she knew he'd been crying.

"How long was I out?" She asked deciding not to pull him up about the crying.

"About four hours." He replied and she nodded before turning away and closing her eyes again, not because she was going to sleep or because she was losing consciousness but out of shame.

"They've called Olivet, she's on her way." Don told her and she groaned. "What?"

"I didn't need my shrink called." She sighed.

"Well I think you do Olivia, you had a panic attack that caused you to black out this is serious!" He told her and she sighed again softly.

"I'm sorry." She said without opening her eyes.

"I wish you'd have told me how bad things were Liv." He said as he caressed her hand with his thumb.

"I couldn't." She shrugged unsure what else to tell him. "I wanted too but I just didn't know how, I hadn't even told Elizabeth that I'd been having panic attacks." She replied her voice echoing the unshed tears.

"Nick told me about the smoking." He told her and she sighed again.

"Sorry." She replied. "I was in the bodega and I was… I was going to buy a drink Don and I didn't want to but I was panicking I needed something to take the edge off and that's when I saw the cigarettes behind the counter and I knew they'd be better than a bottle of whiskey." She told him honestly and he nodded.

"I'd rather you smoke cigarettes than drink Olivia I'm not going to tell you not to smoke." He told her honestly. "I turned to red liquorish and if cigarettes are your crutch then that's what it is."

"You're not mad?" She asked.

"No." He shook his head. "I'd be mad if you bought the whiskey though." He smiled gently and she let out a breath as there was a knock on the door.

Elizabeth Olivet's head poked around the door and she smiled at Olivia.

"I'll leave you too it." Don said and he gave Olivia's hand a kiss before walking out and leaving the two women alone.

"Hello Olivia." Elizabeth smiled as she walked to the chair beside the bed.

"Hi." Olivia said meekly as she fumbled with the edge of the comforter.

"So you wanna tell me what happened?" Olivet asked and Olivia shrugged, she didn't know what to say or how to say it. "At least try?"

"I had a panic attack." She shrugged.

"Panic attacks don't just happen without a reason." Elizabeth said softly and Olivia nodded.

"I woke up early this morning after having a nightmare and then… then I wanted a drink so bad but I didn't have one and then Nick and I interviewed a victim and then I got back to the precinct and I sat down and all of a sudden it just felt like too much and I just couldn't breathe." She explained with tears sparkling in her eyes.

"You were overwhelmed." Elizabeth said calmly. "Olivia, I really think it's time you went on anti-anxieties. You take them as an when you need them no more than six in a day two at a time when and if you need them some days you'll take all six and other days you'll take none at all but I really think you need this or I'm afraid you're going to turn back to the liquid to help you through the day."

"Ok." Olivia nodded her head sinking back into the pillows.

Elizabeth was shocked. She expected a fight or anything other than a simple ok.

"Ok. I'll go and draw up the prescription. I'll be back in a little while, try and sleep and they'll discharge you in the morning." Elizabeth said softly.

"Ok." Olivia said again as Elizabeth made her way to the door. "And Liz…" She called and the Doctor turned back slowly. "Thank you." Olivia said with her eyes closed.

Elizabeth could only smile weakly before going through the door leaving Olivia to drift into an uncomfortable sleep.


	24. Cliff edge, Tears and Talking

**Ok so I know you all want some serious Bolivia loving going on and it will happen eventually but this fic is slightly more Olivia focused. I will get to the Bolivia but the point of the story is Olivia leaving Elliot and David behind so she can actually be with Bayard. Eventually it will happen but not in this chapter!**

Olivia was discharged the next morning. When she turned her cell phone on she found multiple messages from Bayard.

She took a cigarette out of the box in her pocket and lit it up not caring that Don was in the pharmacy filling her prescription and would see her smoking, she needed the nicotine while she spoke with Bayard.

Once she'd taken a long drag she knocked the call button and pressed the phone to her ear.

_Olivia, are you ok? Someone told me you were in hospital but I couldn't find which one. _

"Bayard I'm fine, honest I just had … had an anxiety attack after a rough day I'm fine really." Olivia reassured.

_Oh thank God I thought you'd been shot or something, why don't you come to the game tonight, I know Molly will be glad to see you and me… well I'm just glad you're ok. _

"Yeah I don't see a problem there, I'll see you tonight." Olivia smiled as Don came out of the pharmacy.

_Good because we have pre match pizza and post-match hot dogs with your name on._

"Then it's a date. I'll see you later."

_Bye Liv. _

"Bye." She replied before hanging up.

"A date?" Don questioned.

"Not really that was a joke." Olivia replied with a smile as she threw the butt of her cigarette away without taking another pull even though it was half full, it was obvious she wasn't addicted to the nicotine yet and was just using it instead of alcohol.

"Ok well here's you go." Don smiled handing over the bag containing minimum two week worth off anti-anxiety medication.

"Thanks." Olivia sighed taking the bag and avoiding eye contact with her superior.

"Come on the lets go." Don said getting into the car.

Olivia complied without saying anymore, she felt ashamed that she had to rely on drugs to help her get through her anxiety. Don could sense her shame, and he decided then and there that he was going to do something about it.

They'd been on the road for ten minutes when Olivia recognised that they weren't driving towards the precinct.

"Uh Cap where are we going?" Olivia asked.

"On a day trip." He replied. "Don't worry though I'll get you back in time for your date…"

"It's not a date." She replied interrupting him.

"Then I'll return you in time for whatever you have planned, just trust me." He said and she nodded and relaxed back into the seat. "We'll be on the road for about an hour if you want to sleep Liv." He said sensing she didn't want to make small talk.

She closed her eyes and allowed her body to relax and before she knew it she'd drifted off to sleep.

Of course in the car with her Captain may not have been the best place for her to fall asleep.

"_Jenna… put the gun down… put it down and no one else has to get hurt." Olivia heard Elliot say as she glanced at the terrified teenager with a gun and pressed down hard on an injured and dying Sister Peg._

"_That's it Jenna just put it down…" Elliot continued his own gun trailed on the teenager. _

_She couldn't hear the perps chosen words as he coaxed the teenager. _

"_No Jenna! No!" _

_The gun went off. _

"No!" Olivia gasped jumping upright in her seat.

She panted hard and dropped her head into her hands forgetting for a moment that her superior officer was in the seat beside her.

"Liv are you alright?" Don asked his eyes flicking to her then back to the road.

"Fine." She replied sitting back and sighing softly.

She ran her hand over her sweat ridden forehead as she tried to wipe the image of Elliot's falling body from her mind.

Don watched her the best he could from his position. He could see her legs bouncing up and down and her hand shake in her lap.

"Olivia?"

"What?" She snapped. "Sorry."

"It's ok… but it's in this situation you're supposed to take those pills. There's a bottle of water in the other bag." He told her.

She sighed and grabbed the white bag from the dash board and took out the small orange bottle. A part of her wanted to take the pills and not think twice about it but another part of her didn't want to take them, she didn't want to rely on drugs.

"They'll help." Don told her and slowly she unscrewed the cap and shook to pills into the palm of her hand.

She quickly chucked them into her mouth and swallowed them dry and within minutes her legs stopped bouncing her hands stopped shaking and her breathing normalised.

"Ok?" Don asked once he sensed she was calmer.

"Yeah." She replied turning her head to look out the window, she didn't want to talk to him.

Don dropped it then, sensing her want for the silence. He relaxed knowing she'd taken the pills when she needed them though and he hoped that whatever it was that had scared her awake that he would open up to her soon, he was desperate to help her to make sure she didn't turn into him or her mother.

Fifteen minutes later and the car came to a stop and Olivia finally looked at her surroundings. They were at some sort of cliff edge and the view was spectacular.

"Come on." Don said unbuckling his belt.

Olivia had tons of questions, the main one being why were they hear but she took of her belt and exited the vehicle without asking.

Don walked to the edge of the cliff and sat down on the ground not caring about the dust road they were on. Olivia did the same still not asking any of the questions and she looked out to the horizon where Don was looking.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you here." He said.

"Yeah." She replied so quietly she wasn't sure if she'd actually said it or just thought it.

"My wife brought me here, she used to go camping with the girl guides when she was younger and they'd stopped here on the way back." He explained. "It's such a beautiful place, I asked her to marry me here."

"That's romantic." She said.

"It was, the sun was just beginning to set and there was a purple and orange hue in the sky, it was perfect." He told her and she looked at him and smiled as she saw the dreamy look in his eye. "It's the perfect place to come and clear your head or like my wife and I used to do, talk. We used to come here when something was really bothering us and we'd talk to each other, sometimes it was easier because we talked to the distance while the other just listened and then once done we would try and work through our problems." Don explained and Olivia knew he'd brought her here in the hope of getting her to open up to him. "I come here once a week if I can now, I still talk to her Liv, this is the place I feel closest to here, not at her graveside but here and when I talk to her I sometimes feel like she's still listening to me."

"I'm sure she is." Olivia said feeling a sense of comfort from having her Captain being so personal with her.

"Yeah." He nodded. "I was up here just last week." He began. "I told her about you, I mean I've told her about you before but I told her what you were going through and that's when I realised Liv, if I didn't have you anymore I would have nothing left, with Elliot having gone… you're all I've got anymore."

"Don…"

"No listen to me Liv." He said reaching over and taking her hand before turning back to the horizon. "Whatever it is that's going on with you, I'm not going to pretend that I know or understand because each person's problems are unique to them but I am going to say that I'm here for you, to support you, to listen to you and to be your shoulder if you need one."

He gave her hand a small squeeze and they returned into silence, both of them thinking their own thoughts.

"I miss him." Olivia whispered and Don wasn't sure if she'd actually said anything at first. "Elliot." She said. "I loved him, I don't think I loved him like a man loves a woman love but … he was my best friend, he said it himself, he was the longest relationship I ever had with a man."

He felt her pain but said nothing knowing it was taking a lot for her to talk to him and as she stared out to the horizon he knew she was probably being honest with herself for the first time in a long time too.

"When you called me into the office and told me he'd turned in his papers I thought I lost everything in that moment because I thought he was all I had. He'd been the only constant in my life for thirteen years and for him to just leave like that… without a word it made me wonder if he'd ever felt anything more than just a college for me, I thought we were best friends but I must have been wrong." Olivia sighed softly. "I can't imagine what he went through or is going through after shooting Jenna… but I do know that he wasn't the only one traumatised that day… I lost him that day." Tears stung Olivia's eyes but she blinked hard not wanting them to fall. "That's what the nightmare is." She admitted. "Instead of Elliot shooting Jenna…" Her voice cracked and she shook her head.

"Jenna shoots Elliot." Don finished for her giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah." She nodded. "And because I haven't seen him since that day it feels so real."

"There's only one thing I can really say to you Liv." Don said softly. "You thought he was the only constant in your life, all you had in life? Well that's not true because you have me, I'm not going anywhere and I want you to let me be there for you, let me be the father figure you were deprived of because you mean too much to me Olivia, I couldn't bear to lose you."

"I'll try." Olivia replied and it was her turn to give his hand a squeeze. "I'll try." She said again before shifting closer to him and pulling him into a hug.

He wrapped his arms around her and felt her body tremble. At first he thought she was having a panic attack but then he realised she was crying and her body was shaking with wracked sobs.

All he could do was hold her as his own tears fell down his cheeks. He sent a silent prayer up to his wife, asking her to help him be there for Olivia because he knew Olivia needed him now. He understood what she was going through, other than Marge he'd never had anything else in his life besides his job so he could honestly say he understood in some ways what Olivia was going through but there was one thing he'd had that she hadn't had and that was closure. He'd been able to have a funeral and mourn the loss of his wife and Olivia hadn't had that because technically Elliot wasn't dead but to her he was now, he'd chosen to close the door on his job and that included closing the door on Olivia. Don promised his wife and Olivia that if he ever saw Elliot Stabler again… he'd kill him for what he put the young woman in his arms through.

"Ok?" Don asked sensing her relax a little beneath his hands.

"Yeah." She croaked without letting go.

He didn't mind. If anything, he didn't want to let her go either so it was win win, they both felt some form of awkward comfort from holding each other and neither one of them were ready to leave it all behind.


	25. Anxiety

The next morning Olivia walked into the precinct in a much better mood. Her evening with Bayard and Molly had been brilliant and she hadn't touched her medication or her cigarettes the entire night. Neither had she woken up with any nightmares which had made her in an even better mood that morning.

She walked straight to Don's office and knocked on the door not waiting for an answer before going in.

"Morning Cap." She smiled reaching straight for the breathalyzer before he had a chance to reply.

"Morning Liv." He said as she blew into the machine.

Once again she didn't even look at it, just placed it on the desk in front of him before walking out. He automatically grabbed it and saw the digits. Zero point zero two, residual which meant she'd had a little to drink the night before but he was sure she was lying when she said her date wasn't really a date and if she had been on a date then he wasn't going to stop her having a couple of glasses of wine.

Everyone noticed Olivia's particularly good mood which lasted all morning. She made everyone a coffee in between doing her paperwork as it no new cases had come in but of course the quietness of the precinct was short lived when Don came out of the office with a pink slip of paper.

"Amaro and Benson DB on west hundred and fourteenth, Warner and CSU are on scene." He said handing Olivia the address.

"On it." Olivia said grabbing her coat and Nick had to hurry after her.

What Olivia hadn't expected was to see a fifteen year old girl she had to look twice at to make sure she wasn't seeing someone she knew. It wasn't someone she knew but damn it sure hell looked like someone she knew and it broke her heart.

Once away from the crime scene she bent over a garbage can and let the contents of her stomach out.

"Shit Liv you ok?" Amaro asked as she pulled back and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.

"Yeah … kid looked like someone I knew." Olivia explained shakily pulling a cigarette out of her pocket.

He frowned but said nothing, she was a grown woman and if she wanted to smoke he had no reason to stop her but he just hoped that for her sake she'd see sense soon.

* * *

When they arrived back at the precinct Olivia dropped straight into her chair. Her hands were shaking and her legs were bouncing but she tried to ignore it. Don came out of his office seeing the Detectives back but one look at Olivia and he knew that it was happening again. He rushed to her side and knelt down in front of her.

"Liv?" He asked but she kept her eyes closed taking deep forceful breaths trying to stop herself going over the edge. "Liv where are you meds?"

"Locker." Olivia managed to reply in a whisper.

As Don rushed to Olivia's locker everyone else just watched in silence as Olivia gripped the side of her chair. She's just been outed for being on meds by her superior and a part of her was pissed but in her panic she couldn't care less.

Don found the small orange tube and quickly grabbed it.

"Someone get a glass of water." He said as he opened the tub and shook two pills into his hand.

Munch hurried over to the sink and grabbed a clean mug filling it with water before hurrying back over.

"Liv come on." Don said taking her hand from the edge of the chair and dropping the pills into it.

Munch passed the water to Don and Olivia threw the pills into her mouth before Don passed her the water to gulp them down.

He stayed kneeling in front of her while slowly the medication did their job.

"I'm sorry." She croaked her eyes closed.

"It's ok, soon you'll learn to recognise the symptoms and be able to stop it before it gets to this point." Don reassured her. "What happened?"

"The vic…" Olivia croaked. "She… she looked like Lizzie. I really thought… God for a minute I really thought it was her."

"But it wasn't Liv." Don told her softly.

"I know… but just for a minute I thought…"

"I know." He said gently as she finally opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." She admitted her biggest fear.

"Liv…"

"I don't want to leave Cap… but I don't think I can do this anymore." Olivia explained.

"Come to the office." He said. "Come on, here isn't the place to talk about this."

She slowly got up and followed Don into his office. She didn't wait for him to tell her to sit down, instead, she sunk into the couch beneath the window and sighed heavily.

"Liv." Don said passing her a soda from his mini fridge.

"Thanks." She said opening the tin can and taking a large gulp. "I'm so sorry about all of this."

"I never want to hear you apologise Olivia. I know this isn't easy for you but you'll get better." He told her and she nodded weakly.

"I don't want to leave…" She said in a whisper. "But if this carries on… I'll be a liability."

"You need a break." He told her. "But I don't want you to take time off… at least here…"

"You can keep an eye on me." She finished the visibly awkward statement.

"Yeah." He nodded. "How about you go on desk duty for a while Liv? Take a break from the victims and the perps and then when you're better you can decide whether or not SVU is still for you."

"Ok." She replied and he was surprised that she didn't argue with him on it.

"Ok." He smiled. "I'll partner Munch up with Nick for now and you can park yourself behind the desk and run to the lab and the morgue when necessary."

"Thank you." Olivia said and he gave her a genuine smile.

"No problem Liv, I'm here to help ok? Please talk to me if you need to about anything and I'll listen." Don told her and it was her turn to smile at him.

"Thanks."

"Now get back to work." He told her with a wink and her smile broadened as she made her way out into the squad room where everyone else seemed to have gone back to work until they saw her.

Saying nothing she grabbed her coat from the chair and rushed up onto the roof where she could have some peace and a cigarette.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked turning around to face the very loving defence attorney.

"I was talking to Sergeant Munch about a case when I saw you rush out of Don's office, made my excuse to come make sure you were alright." He explained walking towards her.

She inhaled sharply on her cigarette before dropping it and stomping it out realising she didn't need nor want it really.

"Just a tough day." She explained wrapping him up in a hug.

He pulled her close sensing that she was having an extremely bad day by the way she gripped him.

"Wanna tell me what's up?" He asked as he held her as close as he possibly could without hurting her.

"Our vic this morning looked like my ex-partners kid, for a minute I really thought it was her Bayard… I mean really thought it was until the CSU tech handed over the ID he'd found." She explained feeling free to open up to him.

"Shit." He said softly before kissing her head. "I can't imagine that was a nice experience."

"No it wasn't. But I'm ok now." She replied squeezing Bayard a little as an explanation that he was making her alright.

"Molly's going to a sleep over tonight, why don't you come over and we'll have a glass of wine and watch a movie with some Chinese takeout?" He asked softly.

"Yeah." She said without thinking twice about it. "I'd really like that." She said pulling away just enough so she could look into his eyes to make sure he wasn't just inviting her over out of sympathy.

"Good. It will be nice to have you all to myself, I love my daughter but I get jealous having to share you with her." He said and Olivia blushed crimson as that had to be the sweetest thing any man had ever said to her.

"Well we're both in that boat, I have to share you with her, but I don't mind because I love her very much." Olivia smiled and Bayard leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss.

She didn't hesitate in returning the kiss either. Both of them unaware that they were being watched as she arched into him and held the back of his head as he deepened the kiss, prying her mouth open with his own so his tongue could invade. She moaned softly and the man watching knew he shouldn't be watching anymore and quickly headed back through the door with a slight chuckle.

"I have to get back to work." She said when the kiss broke and Bayard pressed her forehead to his.

"Me too." He replied. "It's going to be hard sitting in the same room as you without looking at you, touching you, kissing you." He told her as he rubbed his nose softly against hers.

"Well tonight I'm all yours baby." She teased and smiled before dropping a chaste kiss to her lips and breaking off the contact.

"Back to the real world." He sighed and she nodded before leading them back to the door.

* * *

Olivia and Bayard sat on the couch having just finished eating their Chinese with some horror movie that had them both jumping in fright. Now they sat at opposite ends of the couch slightly facing each other with a glass of wine and light music playing in the background.

"What happened to Molly's Mom?" Olivia asked the question that had been on her mind since she first met the teenager.

"She died." Bayard replied softly. "We were already separated, Tamara had full time custody of Molly but we still got on and I got to see Molly on the weekends. She was killed in a robbery at the bodega on her street. Molly was only three when it happened so she doesn't remember."

"I'm sorry." Olivia replied, she felt bad having brought it up but she knew she had to, it was one of the thing she needed to know, she didn't want there to be some crazy ex-wife that would hate her for loving Molly.

"It's ok, I should have told you before tonight I just never knew when to say it." He explained softly giving her a reassuring smile.

"It's getting late." Olivia said looking up at the clock. "I should get home."

"Let me call you a cab." Bayard smiled grabbing his cell phone.

Olivia smiled and gave a nod and sat quietly as Bayard call a trusted cab service to take Olivia home.

"I had a great time tonight." She said when he hung up.

"Me too, hopefully we can do this again." Bayard said and Olivia nodded in agreement. "I'll walk you out." He said getting up.

Once outside Bayard naturally leant into Olivia and kissed her and Olivia didn't think twice in kissing him back.

It was soft and sweet and Olivia wished it could last forever but when the car pulled up she regretfully had to.

"Let me know when you're off next, I'll get out of the office and you, Molly and I can go to Coney for the day if you want." Bayard said embracing her.

"I'd like that." Olivia smiled.

"I know Mol and I will too." He told her before kissing her head. "Text me when you're home so I know you're safe."

"Ok." She replied with a smile, having him feel the need to know she was home safe was funny to Olivia, she carried a gun for crying out loud and the only person who had ever been like that with her was … Elliot.


	26. Promotion and Lunch In

At work the next morning Nick was not pleased to find out he would be partnered with Munch while Olivia sat behind a desk. He was just a little more than pissed and made it obvious to everyone even though he denied it.

"Look Nick I'm sorry ok but for once I have to look after myself for a bit." Olivia said, the truth was the whole anxiety thing was making her anxiety worse, it scared her.

"I know." He sighed as he sat at his desk opposite her. "I just trust you to have my back and I've not really worked with Munch out there."

"Sorry." Olivia sighed. "But Munch will have your back, I wouldn't have let this happen if I thought no one would have your back Nick, honest."

"I know but you can run faster than me and Munch… well I know I could beat him in a race even if I gave him a head start, I just … we're on the same page a lot when we're out there." Nick explained just as Cragen came out of the office.

"Olivia a word." He called.

Olivia groaned, she'd already been in there that morning and taken the breathalyzer, she knew Don would know she hadn't been drinking now and trusted her more but she saw it as peace of mind for him if she took it without arguing.

"What's up?" She asked closing the door, it wasn't until she turned back that she saw the wide smile on his face.

"I put in some papers to have it official that you would be on administrative duty for the time being…"

"That makes me sound like a secretary." Olivia said rolling her eyes.

"Yeah well seeing as you weren't being punished and you seeing Olivet is off the books it was quite a challenge trying to find a reason to put you behind a desk without a mark in your jacket." Don continued ignoring her statement.

"So I'm not on a desk?" She asked with a frown.

"No you are… congratulations Olivia the lovely folks at one PP believe it's high time you got your promotion." He smiled handing over an envelope.

Olivia took it and opened it her eyes echoing the surprise she'd just had from her superior.

"Lieutenant?" She asked her eyebrows raised in complete shock.

"Well you and Elliot both took the Sergeants exam after Munch got promoted because I asked you too and then the two of you decided to take the Lieutenant's exam on your own accord.

"Captain this… wow." Olivia was stunned.

"You deserve it Olivia, you haven't been promoted since you got your Detective first grade six years ago and seeing as we already have a Sergeant on the squad and you're the only person here who's taken the Lieutenant exam… it's quite self-explanatory and comes with a nice pay grade increase too." Don smiled. "So tomorrow down in one police plaza in full dress blues for the last time."

"Last time?" Olivia frowned.

"You get your white shirt tomorrow Olivia." Don smiled and Olivia's eyes lit up, she was still in shock but hearing that was making it a little more real so Don decided to continue pushing it. "Along with that you get your new insignia, your medallion shield and no longer will you be identified by four little numbers."

"Oh my gosh this is really happening." Olivia said in complete surprise.

"Yeah, your desk duty is for you to learn the ropes as Lieutenant and then you'll be able to go back out there with Nick as Lieutenant Benson." Don smiled reaching for her hand. "You deserve this Liv."

"How many strings did you pull?" She questioned with a subtle smile.

"None, it was a suggestion and the Commissioner pulled your file and completely agreed." Don replied honestly.

"Ok." Olivia nodded. "Thank you Cap." She said giving him a wider smile.

"I'm sure the guys out there will want to be there tomorrow." Don said nodding his head towards the bustling squad room.

"Yeah." She said her eyes having gone back down to the paper work she had to fill in to make the transfer of her promotion complete.

"And I'm sure uh Mr Ellis would like to be there too." He said and Olivia's eyes darted up to meet his. "I came looking for you yesterday when you went up to the roof, got a lovely view of Bayard Ellis' tongue down your throat…" Olivia groaned at this while Cragen laughed. "Hey if he's looking after my girl I don't care."

"Thanks." She smiled. "I'll give Bayard a call, even if he doesn't want to be there I'm sure Molly will."

"I'm sure he will be there, now why don't we go and tell the rest of the squad?" He suggested and Olivia nodded suddenly feeling nervous at how her co-workers would react to the news that Olivia was going to be in a supervisory position, not that she'd use it.

Olivia followed Don out into the squad room and stood there tentatively as Don gathered up the lead Detectives.

"Ok so I got some news this morning. I think you'd all like to join me in congratulating Olivia, the Morris Commission decided that it was about time she had her promotion so I think you'd all agree with me that we will all be there tomorrow morning to see Olivia receive her Lieutenant's shield and insignia." Don said and while Olivia blushed crimson her friends and co-workers broke out in a round of applause.

"Well done Liv." Munch smiled giving her a warm embrace because he knew now should anything happen to Don such as suspension it would leave Olivia in charge and not him.

"Thanks John." She smiled.

"Congrats baby girl, hell you deserve it." Fin said taking his turn to hug his friend.

"Good job Olivia." Nick said as he hugged her which was a very surprising move by the younger Detective but Olivia returned it.

"Congratulations." Amanda said also hugging Olivia.

"Thank you everyone." Olivia smiled.

"Now that's out of the way you can all get back to work just be at one pp nine am to support Liv." Don smiled. "You should call Ellis." He whispered to her and she nodded before making her way to her desk feeling particularly proud of herself.

* * *

The next morning Olivia met Don around the corner from one police plaza. Though in her uniform she'd pulled her large black winter coat over it and stood against the wall inhaling deeply on a cigarette.

"Everything ok?" He asked her after a few minutes silence.

"Yeah." She nodded. "No." She decided to be honest with him.

"What's up?" He asked her knowing she wouldn't have admitted it if she didn't want to talk.

"When I took the exam. I only did it because Elliot wouldn't do it on his own, he said he wanted me there with him when he did it… that's the only reason I did it, I only did the Sergeants exam because you asked me too… I always thought when this happened El and I would be side by side getting it, we were together when I went up to second grade and then he came with me when I went up to first grade and then… I'm being daft sorry." She said wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"It's not daft Liv. Honestly." He said rubbing her shoulder.

"Hendrix was right." Olivia said remembering the shrink's words five years previously. "We were too close."

"Yeah maybe you were Liv, but it made you the best Detectives I had." Don explained. "But you know what, she told me if I separated you then I'd lose the best team, I wouldn't have because since Elliot left you've been just as good with Nick… ok he isn't Stabler and is a green rookie but you're just as good without him Liv, you don't need him and you never did."

"I've felt like half the Detective." Olivia admitted.

"You may have felt like that Liv but you haven't been half the Detective, I promise you that." Don replied. "Come on we should head inside."

They walked in silence inside and once they'd rid themselves of their jackets they stood in the corridor waiting to go inside.

"Livvie!" Olivia heard and she spun round in time to catch a skidding Molly.

"Hey Molly!" Olivia beamed hugging the girl. "Wow you look great." Olivia added.

Molly twirled around in her blue summer dress and Olivia grinned at her.

"Where's your Dad?" Olivia asked realising Bayard wasn't behind her.

"Parking the car." Molly shrugged. "He knew I was too impatient to wait ages for him to find a spot before coming to see you."

"Aww Mol it's great to see you again sweetie." Olivia smiled hugging the teenager once again just as Bayard came in through the door.

"Hey Liv." He smiled giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You look amazing."

"Thanks." She smiled a blush crawling up her neck as Don watched Bayard caress Olivia's arm.

"Well everyone's inside now Liv." Don said and Olivia took a deep breath and nodded.

While Don led them inside to their seats he grasped at his pocket, He felt awful for doing it but he'd been to Olivia's locker that morning and slipped the pills into his pocket knowing that if she needed them he could give them to her, she hadn't quite grasped the need to carry them around with her.

Olivia sat in the front beside Don Cragen while her co-workers, Bayard and Molly sat further back. There were six people getting their promotions today, four uniforms becoming Detectives, one Detective third grade going to second and herself becoming Lieutenant. The Police Commissioner gave a rambling speech and then in turn the head of departments and units were called up to give a speech about the promotions to the family and friends.

Olivia only half listened. Half her mind was on what she and Cragen had discussed just before coming inside, how she thought she'd be here with Elliot and Don would be congratulating them both on their achievements. When Don Cragen was called up to the podium Olivia took a deep calming breath and knew that she would have to walk up there and receive her knew shield as soon as he was done.

"Well first may I say thank you for that warm welcome. Today I am here to promote my most senior Detective… and I don't mean that as in age... I mean as in most experienced in the unit and the highest ranked Detective. I must say that I am honoured to be able to do this, over the years I wondered often if this day would come or if I would retire before I would get the chance but a wish of mine came true and I am here so without further ado. This Detective has numerous commendations for bravery, honour and merit but there is one thing a medal cannot be given for that this young woman deserves and it is for her humanity. I'm honoured to be able to congratulate Olivia Benson on her promotion." He finished and Olivia blinked back her tears and sniffed hard as she stood up.

Her friends behind her clap and cheered and brought a wide smile to her face as she walked up to Don. Naturally she hugged him before stepping up to the police commissioner.

"Congratulations Lieutenant Benson." He said as he unhook the small golden one six's from the lapels of her uniform and before proudly placing the simple golden block insignia in their place. He then placed the number sixteen into the box with the insignia for her shirt collar for when she would change into a white one the next time she wore her uniform. He then extended his hand and Olivia took the shield from her hip and after swiping her thumb over number she'd been using for the past fifteen years she emotionally placed it in the commissioners hand and he then placed the new gold and silver medallion in her left hand.

"Raise your right hand." He said and Olivia took a deep breath knowing she'd have to say words she'd memorised when she graduated the academy and numerous times since and had already heard in five different versions today. "When you're ready." He said with a reassuring smile.

"I _Lieutenant_ Olivia Benson do solemnly swear and affirm that I will support and defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God." Olivia said calmly and proudly.

She lowered her right hand and the Commissioner closed her hand gently around her new shield.

"Congratulations Lieutenant." He said before extending his hand out for her to shake.

"Thank you Sir." She said firmly as she shook his hand.

He then placed her old shield into the box from which her new one came and then handed her the box which would contain the medallion for her uniform and commendations.

Olivia then shook hands with all other members of the Morris Commission in the process accepting their congratulations before she shook Don's hand and received a heart-warming hug.

Once the Commissioner closed the ceremony Olivia and Don went straight over to meet the guys from the one six, Bayard and Molly.

"Come on let's see the bling!" Fin teased and Olivia smiled and handed him her shield so he and Munch could admire it.

"Well done Livvie." Molly smiled and Olivia grinned and reached down and embraced her. "You look like… so profesh up there."

"Profesh?" Olivia questioned looking at Bayard.

"Yeah like Professional." Molly explained and Olivia and Bayard laughed lightly.

"Well I'm pleased that I looked profesh Mol." Olivia laughed before kissing the teen on the cheek and moving on to embrace Bayard.

He pulled her close and held her tight not caring that they were being watched and scrutinised by Olivia's co-workers. Molly was used to seeing them hug and kiss now so it didn't bother her, in face she wanted the relationship to move forward so that Olivia would be her step-mom sooner rather than later.

"Right Liv come on I want to take some pictures." Fin said when he realised she wouldn't be letting go of Bayard without and incentive.

"Really Fin?" She groaned, she hated having her picture taken.

"Really, you and Don first." He said and Don who seemed happy with that pulled Olivia to the American flag on the wall so they could have a good back drop.

"Get used to it because you have to have your portrait taken next week." Don laughed when Olivia groaned even harder.

"I hated having my portrait done, it was so official." She shuddered, she hadn't had one done since she became a Detective third grade as there was no point but now she was a Lieutenant there was every point.

After taking pictures with everyone and Molly getting some on her phone of herself, Olivia and Bayard which she proudly announced was for her Facebook profile Don announced that he was taking everyone for lunch.

At the restaurant Olivia took the time to take her Detective's shield from her breast and place her commendations on her lieutenant's one.

"You deserve this Liv." Don told her as he watched her placing the six commendations plus the United States flag in the right order.

"Thanks." She smiled. "I think it will sink in when I meet a vic or a perp for the first time and call myself Lieutenant, until then … it's just going to be really weird I've been a Detective for thirteen years."

"It's going to take a while to get used to." He agreed as the food arrived.

"So Livvie Dad said you'd come with us to Coney before the summer's out." Molly said seeing as the conversations had begun to die out.

"Yeah." Olivia replied. "I promised I'd come."

"Wicked. Are you going to come to the softball final too?" Molly continued and Olivia was unaware that everyone was intrigued in the relationship between Olivia and the defence attorney's daughter.

"Wouldn't miss that for the world Mol." Olivia smiled and Molly turned to her and grinned.

"Good because Dad was working on the STATs and we've got a good chance of winning this game and that would mean we won the season!" Molly continued while Olivia just smiled enjoying the babbling of the thirteen year old.

"I'm sure you'll do it." Olivia said. "You've got a great swing, then Lilly and Hannah can sure as hell throw."

Don realised that Olivia hadn't just been bonding with Bayard but becoming a part of his life and Molly's, he only hoped whatever was in her future it didn't cause any more heartache however when his phone bleep for a text message everything he'd hoped for was taken from him in an instant.


	27. Arguing and Some Closure

**So this story is slowly coming to it's point and then it will be a case of closing it all up, possibly 40 chapters in total? we'll see! Steff oxox**

"Why today of all days?" Olivia snapped as she pulled her car into the parking lot of Hogan Place.

"I don't know kiddo but it sounded important." Don replied.

After receiving the text at lunch Don had instantly left the table to make a phone call and then come back with the grave news to Olivia that they were being asked to David Hayden's office. They'd left immediately.

As the two walked awkwardly down the halls of Hogan Place Olivia adjusted the skirt of her blues nervously. Don came to a stop and reached into his pocket making Olivia stop.

"Take these." He told her handing her the pills.

"These were in my locker." Olivia questioned.

"I thought… maybe with having to go on stage and talk to the commissioner that you might have needed them this morning. I didn't mean to invade your privacy but I would rather have not seen you have a panic attack in front of the commissioner and I would rather it didn't happen in front of Chief Hayden." He replied and Olivia placed a hand on his arm.

"Thank you." She said sincerely.

"No problem." He replied and she quickly took out two pills and threw them in her mouth before swallowing them dry.

She inhaled deeply and once again adjusted her skirt wondering why she chose to wear her skirt instead of the trousers that she could have worn if she wanted too.

"Ready?" Don asked and she nodded so they could quickly hurry down to the office.

The secretary showed them inside and they waited for David to return from wherever he had gone. Olivia looked out of the window across Manhattan wondering why it was they'd been summoned and she hoped it wouldn't be any more bad news because today had been so great so far and she didn't want anything to ruin it.

When David showed up he apologised profusely but explained he had to drop off some files. He then looked Olivia and Don up and down, his mind wondering why they were both in their uniforms but he quickly shook his head and tried to relax.

"So Captain, Detective…"

"Lieutenant." She snapped and David's eyes widened.

"Lieutenant? Wow congratulations Olivia." He smiled but she just nodded her head politely.

"Captain, Lieutenant, I've called you both here … well truth is I only needed to speak with Lieutenant Benson but knew she wouldn't come here without a fight…. Anyway, I thought you'd like to know we are officially done reviewing your files and everything seems to be in order. The… the Harris case was dropped after a few threats to the defendant and so you have nothing to worry about." David said.

"That's it?" Olivia asked angrily. "You could have said this on the phone or preferably in an email." She snapped.

"Liv." Don warned but she wasn't listening.

"I thought it would have been something you'd have liked to hear in person." David explained.

"In person? David, you have spent the last months since you became head of this unit going through my old cases because of one honest mistake, I took the blame openly for what happened with Omar Penya but I went through all my old cases myself during that and I knew I had no reason to worry." Olivia snapped. "If I didn't have that instinct I wouldn't be doing this job anymore."

"I get it… Liv I really am sorry." He said softly.

Don slipped out of the room and decided to wait for Olivia outside the door, he knew it was about to get personal and he knew Olivia needed the chance without him there even if he could hear everything through the door.

"Really sorry? About what David? About the fact you went through my life's work with a fine toothcomb looking for faults?"

"It's not like that and you know it!" He snapped.

"Of course it was! What do you think it's been like for me every time I've opened my email or checked my voicemail worried sick that you're unit will decide I made more fucking mistakes? I was open and honest when it came to Omar Penya and I would have been again should the issue have arisen but when you came to me with Lowell Harris I knew one hundred percent that he is scum of the earth and deserves the death penalty and not prison but a few years behind bars is better than nothing, out of all the cases you could have come to me with you bring the one that _still_ haunts my nightmares. Do you think any of this is fair?"

"If I'd have known about Lowell Harris I would never have brought that case to you Olivia! We were together five months and not once did you bring it up!" He argued.

"Why should I have? It was in the past, a part of my past that I didn't want anyone to know about! When was I supposed to tell you huh David? When you were in my bed? When I was naked in yours?" She screamed not caring that the offices beside David's would be able to hear her as well as Don Cragen who neither one had noticed had slipped out into the corridor but was listening intently on their argument.

"Oh come on Olivia what about the hours we spent cuddled up on the couch? You told me about your conception, your alcoholic mother, your ex-partner… but you didn't think I'd want to know that? You didn't think I would love you regardless but would have supported you through the nightmares? You obviously didn't know me at all."

"No." She replied straight. "I didn't and guess what David… I'm glad I didn't because the man standing in front of me now isn't a very nice man and I don't want to know him."

With that she turned on her court heels and walked into the corridor before letting out a shaky breath she hadn't realised she'd been suppressing.

"Ok?" Don asked and she nodded.

"Let's go." She said and he nodded in reply.

Once outside in the cool air Olivia reached into her pocket and pulled out the cigarette box. It was the same one she'd brought in the bodega when she wanted the whiskey, with less than ten gone it was obvious that she was using them just as a stress relief when things were really bothering her and while she leant on her car and inhaled deeply Don said nothing and waited for her.

"How much of that did you hear?" She asked when she was half way through the cigarette.

"Uh…"

"That much huh?" Olivia chuckled lightly, she knew he'd heard every word.

"Yeah but you needed to get it off your chest." Don told her. "That's why I didn't stop you."

"Well hopefully that's the last I'll ever hear from David Hayden now." She said. "He's now officially a part of my past and a part I don't want to revisit."

Don smiled, Olivia suddenly seemed to have some of her fight back and that made him feel great.

"I liked the way you snapped Lieutenant at him when he called you Detective." Don laughed and Olivia finally smiled.

"I knew he was going to say it so I'd already decided I was going to snap it at him before we'd even left the car." Olivia smiled as she explained. "So that's it now. For now I'm officially cleared by the conviction integrity unit and hopefully that's the last I'll have to deal with David Hayden."

Don nodded and smiled, hopefully, having some form of closure from him would be one step to getting Olivia to where she needed to be.

* * *

Back at the one six Olivia sat doing everyone's paper work plus some additional administrative things she had to deal with now she was a Lieutenant. They'd been there for an hour when Don called her into the office and as he called her 'Benson' she knew it was professional and not personal.

"What is it Cap?" She asked as soon as she'd shut the door.

"A request from one police plaza." He said and she frowned wondering what he was getting at. "They want you to give a presentation and do a Q&A with some Police Academy hopefuls and general members of the public."

"Are you serious? Cap I'm a cop not a public speaker." Olivia replied.

"I know Liv but they want someone from this unit well actually the specifically asked for you Lieutenant so I'll forward the email to you so you can prepare." Don told her and she sighed realising that she actually had no say in the matter.

"Fine." She nodded. "Uh any hint to what I need to do?"

"They just want you to say what the unit is, some stats and maybe some closed public record cases so they can have a real insight into SVU because they're running out of volunteers and Brooklyn and Queens are down Detectives." Cragen explained.

"Ok when is it?" Olivia asked.

"Friday afternoon." Don said and Olivia nodded.

"That's it?" She asked.

"Yup." He said and she nodded once again before leaving the office to begin working on her presentation.


	28. Bad Surprises

Friday came far too soon for Olivia's liking. She was in her full dress uniform with skirt seeing as she wouldn't be chasing perps today. As she stood outside the large conference hall she adjusted her white shirt and smiled realising it was the first time she was in full Lieutenant's uniform complete with white shirt and bar insignia.

"Do you want to get set up Lieutenant?" A uniformed officer asked poking his head through the door.

"Yeah can you plug this in please?" Olivia asked handing him the USB stick.

"Sure what's the file name?" He asked.

"SVU Presentation. It's the only thing on it." Olivia laughed and he nodded and went back inside leaving Olivia to read over the script she'd written herself and look through the case files while shuffling awkwardly in her plain black shiny court shoes.

Ten minutes later she slipped in through the door to listen to her introduction.

"Next to address you is Lieutenant Olivia Benson from Manhattan's Special Victims Unit. Lieutenant Benson has been at the unit for thirteen years rising slowly through the ranks. Today she will give you the insights into the Special Victims Unit, Statistics about the cases that they work and an insight into the job followed by questions. So please put your hands together for Lieutenant Olivia Benson." Captain Lawrence from the Police Academy announced and as the applause rung out Olivia walked calmly to the stage.

She shook the Captain's hand and he smiled broadly at her, he'd been a Sergeant last time she saw him, when she was in the academy herself, she was surprised he hadn't turned in his papers and retired yet he definitely had his twenty down.

"Thank you for that warm welcome Captain Lawrence." Olivia smiled as the uniformed officer past her the remote control for the PowerPoint presentation.

"Like Captain Lawrence said I am Lieutenant Olivia Benson from Manhattan's Special Victims Unit where I have been stationed for thirteen years. So…" She clicked the button on the remote control and failed to see Captain Cragen slip in through the door.

* * *

Once she was done she relaxed a little bit hoping she'd be able to answer the questions. Olivia laughed at a uni rushing over with a microphone for Olivia to be able to hear the question.

"If Special Victims Cops only last two years approximately what made you stay for thirteen?" Some spotty teenager asked.

"Having a great team with you helps, my co-workers Sergeant Munch and Detective Tutuola have both been at Manhattan SVU for over a decade, when you work with the same people for so long you build a relationship and a rapport with them." Olivia replied with a smile.

The kid nodded and sat down while the uni rushed over to the next person and Olivia almost gasped when she saw the microphone passed to Don Cragen who smirked at her and she managed to hide any form of reaction well but he knew she was seething.

"What do you find hardest about working at SVU?" He asked.

"Working for an insufferable superior?" She asked with a cheeky smile on her face. "Ladies and Gentlemen meet Captain Donald Cragen of Manhattan's Special Victims." She laughed knowing she could get written up for such a remark. "So the hardest thing about working SVU is probably the live victims, when they're deceased you don't have to listen to them retell the horror they've gone through just listen to the medical examiner tell you in a clinical manner it's far more impersonal when the victims dead." She answered.

The next person stood up and Olivia had squinted as she was sure she recognised the person but it wasn't until the girl opened her mouth that she realised who it was.

"Do you build a close relationship with your partner in a squad like this?"

Olivia swallowed and glanced over at Cragen who was stood by the door and he gave her a reassuring nod.

"Yeah of course, I mean, partners come and go but you have to trust that person to have your back and make sure you arrive home at the end of your shift still breathing." Olivia replied. "You trust that person with your life how could you not get close and in a unit like ours you bond, our unit is like a family. Thank you, if you have any more questions please submit them at the end with an email address and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

Olivia hurried from the podium and went through the second doors ignoring the applause and avoiding Don Cragen.

"Olivia!" She heard and she came to a grinding halt knowing she couldn't ignore the girl if she tried.

She turned around and saw the girl come to a stop a few feet away.

"Hello Kathleen." She said calmly.

"Hey sorry if I shocked you in there." She said shifting uncomfortably.

"It's ok." Olivia replied, Kathleen Stabler was the Stabler child she was closest too. "How are you?"

"I'm good, doing really well thanks to you of course." Kathleen said as Don arrived by Olivia's side and place a protective hand on her shoulder. "Hi Uncle Don."

"Hello Kathleen." He said calmly.

"Why did you come here?" Olivia asked.

"I've been thinking about coming to the Academy." Kathleen explained. "I want to be just like you and Dad."

Don felt Olivia stiffen underneath his hand.

"Well sorry to cut this short Kathleen but we're needed back at the one six." He said.

"Oh right of course, uh Liv can we go for lunch some time… please?" Kathleen's eyes pleaded with Olivia who was struggling an internal battle.

"I don't think that's a good idea." She said weakly.

"Please Liv." Kathleen asked again.

"I don't think Olivia wants to Kathleen." Don replied for Olivia.

"How about next week." Olivia said. "Wednesday, come over to the precinct and I'll drive us."

"Sure." Kathleen nodded. "Thank you."

"Ok, you still have my number?"

"Of course." Kathleen smiled.

"Then give me a text to confirm time ok?" Olivia said. "It was great to see you Katie, you look good."

Kathleen quickly wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and Olivia hesitated before wrapping her own around Kathleen's waist.

"Good to see you again Liv." She whispered.

"You too." Olivia lied. "See you Wednesday."

Quickly Olivia hurried off and Don nodded to Kathleen before hurrying out after her. He found her outside dropping two pills into her mouth.

"Ok?" He asked as she gulped down some water.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded but she was shaking and Don knew if she hadn't gotten outside when she did she would have had a panic attack.

He gave her a moment as she pulled out the cigarettes out of her pocket and lit one up and took a long drag.

"Are you really going to go for lunch with her?" Don asked as soon as she'd blown out the smoke from the lungs.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "I saw … she looked so disappointed when I said no Don and I promised Elliot years ago that if anything ever happened I'd always be there for his kids."

"You don't owe him anything Olivia and I think he meant if he was killed…"

"I know that." She snapped. "Sorry."

"It's ok." He said gently, he knew she was going to be in a bad mood from the moment Kathleen Stabler stood up.

"When Kathleen got sick I was the one who drove to his mother's house and helped Kathleen, I was there for her for months afterwards when she was fighting with her illness and I am not going to let her down now just because her father is a son of a bitch." Olivia explained.

"That's your choice Olivia. I'm really not sure what to tell you but you're seeing Olivet beforehand, please talk to her about this?" He asked softly.

"Yeah. I will." She nodded in agreement. "I'm going to need her advice to get through this lunch I mean… what do I say to her? I can't… I hate Elliot for what he did right now Don."

"I know, but talk about her, her plans for the future, work without mentioning Elliot." Don explained. "You can do this Liv." He reassured her.

"I hope so." Was all she could muster in reply.


	29. Winning and Committing

**Oh here it is the chapter ToriRenee161 has been waiting for more than anyone else I think! ENJOY TORI! Steff oxox**

Saturday came and went without an issue at work or in Olivia's privet life, just a reminder about the softball final Monday night from Molly. On Sunday Olivia spent the few hours in the morning replying to numerous emails she'd received in regards to the conference.

At lunch time she ate at her desk while typing up reports not wanting to disrupt the routine she had going for herself with her paperwork. When Don came over and took the seat beside her desk she practically ignored him and continued with her work.

"What time are you seeing Olivet?" Don asked quietly.

"Two." Olivia replied without even stopping typing to talk to him.

"You won't forget to talk to her about Kathleen?" Don asked and Olivia shook her head and finally stopped typing.

"I made a big mistake in agreeing to lunch with her Don." Olivia said quietly.

"Why do you think that?" He asked the intrigue coming over him.

"Because of course she's going to bring up Elliot, why wouldn't she? And he's the last person I'm going to want to talk about." Olivia explained.

"Are you sure you don't want to know how he is?" Don replied.

"Of course I do but … he left me feeling so … so broken Don and to hear he's getting on better with his wife and is home for his kids… I don't need to hear that." Olivia sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "Just thinking he's ok and if there was a problem he'd come to me is enough for me."

"Ok." Don said. "If you're going to get to Olivet's on time you should head off. Don't bother coming back though Liv, take the afternoon." He said before walking off.

* * *

"So Olivia how have things been since I last saw you at the hospital?" Elizabeth asked softly.

"Alright I guess." Olivia shrugged.

"Just alright?" Elizabeth pushed.

"Well it's… it's been a very up and down week." Olivia shrugged not knowing how else to explain it.

"What do you mean by up and down? Tell me what you did this week." Elizabeth replied trying to pry the information she wanted out of Olivia.

"Well I got promoted." Olivia said. "To Lieutenant."

"Wow that's great news Olivia congratulations." Elizabeth said with sincerity in her voice that made Olivia really smile.

"Thanks." Olivia replied. "It was really nice, there was a ceremony at one pp and the guys from the one six cam and Bayard and Molly and then we went for lunch but then … then David Hayden contacted Don and said he needed to see the two of us and we had a huge argument but… you know I needed that argument in a strange way, I left there feeling like I'd finally closed the doors properly on our relationship. Like, I got closure." Olivia explained and Elizabeth nodded silently as she spoke. "Then uh the rest of the week was fine, pretty normal as I was on desk duty and then… then I did this presentation for wannabe police academy cadets and … and Elliot… Elliot's kid Kathleen was there and she asked me a question and then… then she followed me out and asked me to lunch and when I said it wasn't a good idea, she looked so disappointed and sad that I said yes." Olivia shuddered at the thought of her lunch with Kathleen.

"Did you go to lunch?"

"It's on Wednesday." Olivia replied shakily. "I don't know if I can do it." She added.

"Why? Why don't you think you can do it?"

"I'm not ready to think or talk about Elliot… not yet." Olivia replied her mouth dry with anticipation.

"Ok, but you're going to lunch right?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "I promised I'd always be there for his kids."

* * *

Monday came just in time for Olivia. She skipped out of work early with permission from Cragen and met with Bayard and Molly at the restaurant.

"Livvie!" Molly squealed jumping on the lieutenant before she'd even taken her coat off.

"Hey Molly." Olivia smiled hugging the girl tight, she needed some joy in her life and Bayard and Molly provided that along with the love she craved and gave so easily.

"We can order now!" Molly said to Bayard.

"You didn't have to wait." Olivia said sliding into the booth beside Bayard while Molly sat opposite.

"Well I don't know what you like on your Pizza, so thought we should wait." Bayard replied before kissing her cheek lightly. "Glad you could make it."

"I wouldn't miss this for the world." Olivia grinned. "And I'll eat pretty much anything on a pizza by preference is Pepperoni extra cheese." She said with a smile.

"Girl after my own heart." Bayard smiled. "Thin crust?"

"Always." Olivia smiled back as she leant into Bayard.

"Ugh get a room." Molly teased with a playful smile on her lips.

"So you excited for the big game?" Olivia asked as Bayard placed the orders.

"Uha I think we could really win this Livvie." Molly beamed.

"I'm sure you can too Kiddo." Olivia grinned all the problems of the week fading away as she enjoyed the teenagers company.

"So when are you and my Dad going to make it official?" Molly asked making Olivia's jaw fall wide open. "What?" Molly asked innocently. "You already act like a couple…"

"I don't know Mol. I guess it's up to your Dad." Olivia shrugged.

"He likes you Livvie, I think he's scared of making the first move though." Molly said wiggling her eyebrows and making Molly laugh.

"We'll see Molly." Olivia smiled softly as the thought of her and Bayard as an item came into her mind, she'd been out with him without Molly plenty of times and they'd kissed and gone to third base but they'd not slept with each other yet.

* * *

"Go on Molly! Go on!" Olivia yelled knowing that if Molly finished this run her team won. "Go on Molly!" She continued to cheer. "Yeah!" She jumped up and down with the other parents when the game came to an end.

Olivia as promised hurried down to meet Molly and Bayard and the two of them hoisted the teenager onto their shoulders.

"We did it!" Molly cheered as she held on Bayard and Olivia's hands so she couldn't fall off.

"You did it Molly!" Bayard grinned as he put Molly down. "Get ready for the trophy girls because you deserve it." He told them while Olivia pulled her camera from her purse.

Within minutes the girls all received a medal and their trophy and opened shaken bottles of pop getting everyone including Olivia and Bayard completely soaking.

"You're very wet Lieutenant." Bayard laughed turning away from the cheering girls.

"So are you counsellor." Olivia laughed back.

Bayard, not caring that his daughter, the rest of the team and their parents were watching, scooped Olivia into his arms and kissed her heavily. She returned the kiss as the team 'www'd' them making them both laugh as he placed Olivia's feet firmly on the ground.

"You helped this happen." He told her pressing his forehead to hers.

"Oh come on Bayard all I did was turn up every now and again."

"No Liv, you did so much more, you gave the girls the belief they needed that they could win this, especially Molly." He told her as he gently swayed with her to the music of the crowd.

"Whatever." She shrugged. "I just like making the two of you happy."

"You do make me happy Liv, I want you to continue making me happy and let me make you happy too, I want a relationship with you." He told her simply and Olivia felt a lump in her throat, he definitely knew the right things to say.

"Ok." She managed to say and Bayard wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her around just as Molly hurried over to them with the trophy.

"Come on let me get a picture." Olivia said to the two of them.

"I could take one of all three of you if you want?" One of the parents suggested.

"Yeah come on Livvie!" Molly yelled and Olivia passed her camera over and hurried over to the two people she'd openly say were the most important people in her life.

* * *

After post match hotdogs Olivia, Bayard and Molly went back to the Ellis house for drinks. Molly said goodnight as soon as her hot chocolate was finished leaving Bayard and Olivia alone.

"You really make us happy Olivia." Bayard said as he held around her, holding her close to his chest, and his heart.

"You two make me happy Bayard." She replied. "So happy it's indescribable."

The truth was he did, him and Molly, and it was indescribable. She'd never felt the way she felt with them with anyone else in her life. There was an unmistakable connection that she felt every time she was with either one of them alone or together and she was terrified of losing it but at the same time she was willing to do everything she possibly could to hold onto it.

Slowly Bayard kissed lightly at her neck not realising that it was her weak spot, the spot that rendered her completely speechless and vulnerable and aroused.

"Stay with me tonight?" he asked in a whisper as his hand stroked her legs.

"I've got to work in the morning." She sighed.

"I'll take you home early to get changed." He told her. "Please?"

"I have clothes in my locker." She replied with a smile. "I guess I could stay."

"Then come to bed." He said taking the mug out of her hand and placing it on the coffee table.

He then took Olivia's hand and led her upstairs to his bedroom. He passed Olivia one of his t-shirts for her to sleep in and he showed her into his bathroom so she could change. When she came back he was already stripped down to his boxer and Olivia smiled, she definitely liked what she saw, this man was beautiful inside and out.

They naturally peeled back the duvet and climbed in almost systematically and once under the covers Bayard pulled her close to him and spooned her from behind.

"Thank you." He whispered into her ear.

"For what?" She replied softly as she stroked his arm with her finger.

"Making me and Molly happy." He said before kissing her cheek.

"Well thank you, for making me happy too." She replied turning her head so she could kiss him back.

Of course within seconds the kiss was deepened. Bayard pulled Olivia's slender frame into him by the waist as he kissed her with everything he was worth. She moaned softly into his mouth as his hands stroked her bare thighs.

"Can you be quiet." He questioned as her foot began to stroke his calf, he knew she wanted him as much as she needed her.

"I can try." She replied.

"Well Molly's a heavy sleeper anyway." Bayard shrugged and within seconds he'd pulled his t-shirt off Olivia and was leaning over her.

He dropped his lips to her neck and she withered underneath him. His hand slid down her bare ribs and she bit on her bottom lip to stop herself from calling out. He felt the goose pimples rise beneath his fingertips on the soft, smooth surface of her skin. He pulled his lips from her to look at her arched back and he smile softly hoping he could really please her. Slowly he wrapped both arms beneath the arch of her back and unclipped her black lace bra. She shivered as he slowly hooked his fingers beneath the straps and peeled them down her arms. Once the garment was free he clasped his lips onto hers and dropped it onto the floor. As one arm kept his weight off hers the other found one nub already erect and ready for the finger and thumb that gripped it softly. As he continued to kiss her he rolled her nipple between his fingers and she moaned softly and wiggled beneath him.

He knew she could feel his boxer covered erection against her thigh but he did nothing to disguise it. He wanted her to feel what she had done to him without any effort on her behalf. Slowly he removed his lips from hers and clasped them to the nub he'd been rolling seconds previously as he sucked and rolled his tongue she fisted the bed sheets and bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself calling out but the increase in her heart rate was felt on his chin and he knew she wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

Slowly he kissed down her flat, muscular abdomen to her panty line and she automatically rose from the bed enough for him to slip them over her butt. As he pulled them down her legs he made sure his fingertips never lost contact with her skin leaving a row of goose pimples in their wake.

Once he'd discarded the thin material onto the floor he leant over her again and kissed her mouth softly. Her hands stroked down his back to his boxer shorts and she pulled lightly.

He chuckled at her impatience and gave her a helping hand to remove the boxer before rising up above her once again. He kissed her mouth softly and lined himself at her entrance. He teased her by pressing the tip of his shaft to her swollen clitoris and she moaned softly, it was like an angel's chant to his ears.

Feeling how wet she was for him he slowly pushed in to her. She arched her back in a spasm reaction and he smiled. He was a large man and he knew it so he inched into her slowly as she gripped tightly to his shoulders.

He wasn't even half way in and she was whimpering as if in pain.

"You ok?" He whispered and she nodded though he could see tears in her eyes, little did he know that they were tears of pure joy and love.

"Bayard I'm fine. Go." She said softly.

He pushed a little more into her and her legs automatically separated as much as they possibly could as if she was trying to open up more to fit him. Once he was in all the way he dropped his head to hers and allowed time for her body to adjust to the invasion.

Her mouth found his ear lobe and she nipped and sucked and he didn't know how longer he'd be able to lie above her without pummelling into her hard, his ear was his weak spot. He rocked against her at snail's pace and she instantly dropped his ear lobe with a pop and a low hum from her. Her hips began to rock at the same pace while her hand found his sweat ridden cheek.

The only thing that could be heard was a few hums and low moans and their panting breaths. They rocked in a slow and even pace. She held herself just a little off the bed keeping her sweat ridden forehead against his as she held around his neck nipping at his lips and jaw.

He watched her as much as he could. Every jerk, reaction and movement. She was like a goddess in his eyes, he'd never been with a woman where he wanted to just pummel into her but with Olivia he felt the need to treat her like she was fragile, make love to her and not just have sex with her, make her feel that every inch of her was worshiped.

She shivered in his arms, though she was hot and sweaty the cold night breeze hit her body like a thousand knives but she didn't feel cold just her body's reaction to it. She continued to rock her hips in tandem to his and she felt alive. She dropped her forehead to his shoulder and kissed his collar bone softly. Staying quiet was hard but it just made the process feel newer.

"God." He whispered as he stroked a hand down her perfect body feeling the sweat leave her skin onto his hand. She moaned a quiet high pitched sound and he knew she was holding back. His lips found her lips and he tasted the salty sweet taste of the perspiration build up from her top lip and he realised that it was a taste he'd never forget. As she neared her climax and he neared his he lowered her softly to the pillows.

"I wanna watch you come." He told her and she nodded and smiled gently in reply. "Come for me princess."

She did just then. Her hands fisted the sheet. Her teeth grasped her lower lip. Her body contorted and vibrated. Her eyes rolled back into her head.

His speed never wavered, he kept the same pace as hard as It was with her pulsating on his member. As soon as she let out a tiny moan that she couldn't hold back he felt himself go. He grunted quietly and she continued to rock her hips into his moaning a little more as she was sensitive to the touch and feeling his seed fill her up was a new experience, she'd never let any man inside her without a condom before.

She watched his head roll back, his eyes squeeze shut and his breath increase as he squirted inside of her. It was an image she committed to memory.

When he was done he slipped out of her, rolled to the side of her then pulled her naked body into his own. He ran his fingers through her damp, sweat filled hair and kissed her behind the ear not wanting to lose what they'd just had.

No words needed to be spoken between them tonight. She allowed the curve of her body to fit perfectly into his and she knew this was one morning she wouldn't be sneaking out of bed before he woke up.


	30. Disclosure and Presentation

**For Tori who is impatient but kind and generous and because I am seriously trying to finish this story so I can upload my new EO one and begin the sequel to this one!**

The next morning Olivia was woken up by Bayard kissing her cheek softly and stroking his finger up and down her arm. She moaned in contentment as she rolled onto her back.

"Good morning." Bayard smiled as she blinked her eyes open.

"Good morning." She smiled turning her head to face him.

He pressed his lips softly to hers and she kissed him back just as softly.

"What time is it?" Olivia asked.

"Half seven." Bayard replied and Olivia shot upright. "What is it?"

"I was supposed to be at work at seven." She groaned laughing a little. "Where's my phone?"

"You put it on the cabinet." He said and she looked to the side and saw the phone.

She held her hand to her chest holding the comforter in place as she reached over for it leaving Bayard with the perfect view of her naked back. As soon as she noticed there were no missed calls on her phone she wondered why she hadn't been called in yet. Automatically she dialled the Captain's number and pressed the phone to her ear. Bayard wasn't going to let her get away with just sitting there and he quickly sat upright and pulled her between his legs as the phone rang.

"Captain, it's Olivia." She said as Bayard's hands stroked up and down her arms.

"Yeah sorry I over slept, I've literally only just woken up…"

_Olivia?_

"Cap I just forgot to set the alarm I swear." She replied as she supressed a moan from Bayard massaging her shoulders and kissing them softly.

_Ok, how long do you think you'll be?_

"I don't know." Olivia replied. "I left my car at… at…" Bayard was making it really difficult for her to talk as he sucked on her neck lightly. "At the restaurant last night."

_Uh ok, well we've got no new cases in this morning so take your time and I'll see you when I see you._

"Thanks." She squeaked and Bayard laughed softly behind her.

_Uh Bye Liv._

"Bye." She replied. "Bayard he heard you." She laughed rolling her head back onto his shoulder as he left a purple mark on a very visible part of her neck.

"Does it matter?" Bayard asked as he trailed kisses along her shoulder.

"No." She replied. "But I do need to shower."

"You know where the bathroom is, I'll make breakfast." Bayard smiled.

She went to move away but Bayard grabbed her arm stopping her. She looked at his hand but then looked at his eyes and saw what he wanted. She smiled and leant in to kiss him softly.

"It's a very good morning." He said when he finally let her go.

"Absolutely."

* * *

Olivia was drying her hair with a towel when there was a knock on Bayard's bedroom door.

"Livvie?" She heard and Olivia laughed softly.

"Come in Mol." She said and the teenager bounced into the room with a huge grin on her face.

"I uh bought you these, they're too big for me, my aunt Caroline always buys close five sizes to big and I don't think I'm going to fit into these till I'm twenty." She said placing a tank top and a flimsy cardigan on the bed. "You don't have to wear them but if you don't want to make it obvious you didn't go home last night." She explained with a laugh. "And here's a blow dryer." She added showing the contraption. "Might be easier than trying to dry your hair with a towel and Dad says breakfast and tall skinny caramel mocha is ready for you downstairs."

"Thanks Molly." She smiled.

"I'm really glad you stayed Livvie." Molly said giving Olivia a hug. "I know it's going to take ages for the relationship to move forward but I just don't want you to hold back because you're worried about me because I love you Livvie."

"Thanks Mol." Olivia managed through the tears that had built in her eyes.

"I'll see you downstairs." Molly smiled hurrying off.

* * *

Olivia was very surprised to find the tank and cardigan fit her perfectly and she understood that they wouldn't fit Molly. Even though it was the type of thing she wore in her free time, far more casual than what she would normally wear to work she was pleased that she wouldn't make it obvious to everyone that she hadn't been home the previous evening.

She sat at the kitchen table with Molly drinking her coffee from a very expensive machine that Bayard had and watched as he made them a full English breakfast.

Olivia was in shock when the plate was put in front of her and wondered if she would be able to manage it all.

"Just eat what you can I always make too much." Bayard told her before kissing her cheek lightly and grabbing his own breakfast.

The conversation over breakfast was mainly a play by play of the game the previous evening. Molly was an excited happy teenager and Olivia relished in feeling what it was like to have a family breakfast.

Once it was done Molly volunteered to do the dishes while Bayard said he'd take Olivia to pick up her car.

"Lock the door behind us Mol." He told her as he and Olivia walked to the car.

Once on the road they relaxed in a comfortable silence.

"I'm really glad you stayed." Bayard said after a while.

"Me too." Olivia smiled. "I'm glad Molly was happy too, I was worried she wouldn't have liked it."

"Molly loves you as much as I do Olivia."

Her heart almost stopped in her chest. He'd said it. He said he loved her without saying the three little words as such and she wasn't prepared for it.

"That's great." She replied awkwardly.

Bayard cursed himself. He'd known for some reason that she would be reluctant to hear him say he loved her so he'd held back. He did love her, he'd fallen so fast and so hard for the woman beside him that it scared him at first but with Molly loving her too he had allowed himself to feel for her. He didn't expect her to say it back yet, he knew she'd be just as reluctant to say it back even if she did love him. He didn't want to scare her away.

When they arrived the restaurant Bayard walked Olivia to her car and stopped to kiss her.

"I don't know if you've had the invite yet but the McCaa's are having a charity ball on Friday. Go with me?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Olivia smiled as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Great." He smiled leaning back to kiss her softly.

She returned the kiss wholeheartedly and he realised he may have said he loved her too soon but she wasn't pulling away from him and that surely was a good sign.

"You should get to work." He groaned letting his forehead fall against hers.

"Yeah." Olivia sighed. "Tell Molly I'll see her in the week some time."

"I will. Call me." He said as he let go of her.

"I will. Thank you for such a lovely evening Bayard." She smiled before climbing into the car.

She didn't hear him say thank you back as she'd closed the car door.

* * *

No one failed to recognise the good mood Olivia was in when she walked into the bullpen humming and swinging her keys around her finger. Nick smiled when she dumped the keys onto her desk and threw her purse into her drawer.

"What?" She asked when she saw him watching.

"Is it casual Tuesday or something?" He asked having noticed her less than formal attire.

"Funny." She replied sarcastically.

"No seriously, I don't think I've ever seen you dress like that." He said with a shrug.

"I'm not allowed to changed my wardrobe up every now and again?" She asked folding her arms defensively against her chest.

Nick just shrugged.

"Benson!" Don called from his office door and Olivia gave Nick one last eye roll before making her way to Cragen's office.

He handed her the breathalyzer without a word and Olivia knew it was because of what he'd heard on the phone that morning, he lame excuses for her being late and so she didn't argue with him and blew into the contraption knowing that she hadn't even had a glass of wine the previous evening.

"So you wanna tell me where you were this morning?" Cragen asked and Olivia sat down in one of the chairs opposite his desk.

"Does it matter?" She asked leaning back and folding her arms.

"You had me worried when you called Olivia, I mean I heard laughing… a man laughing behind you and you were… stuttering."

Olivia blushed crimson, her Captain had thought she may be in trouble.

"I was going to give it two hours before I tracked where the phone call came from." He told her. "You came in an hour and fifty minutes after the call."

"Well I had to shower, change and have breakfast." Olivia shrugged.

"See, that there, breakfast… that isn't like you Liv, you normally grab a bagel or muffin on your way in."

Olivia cursed herself for being so careless with her chosen words.

"Am I not allowed to have a privet life anymore?" Olivia asked. "I mean a life that doesn't involve this place?"

"Not if it compromises your work." Don replied.

"It isn't."

"It is if you're two hours late." Don informed her.

"I apologised." She said. "I didn't mean to wake up late and not come in till nine am when I was supposed to start at seven."

"I know you didn't mean it Olivia." Cragen sighed. "You've got to understand that at the moment I'm worried sick about you."

It was just what he needed to say to hit her. She felt a pang of guilt inside of her, she never meant to make anyone especially her Captain worried about her.

"I really am sorry Cap. I left early for Molly's game last night and we went back to her Dad's house to celebrate and it just got late." Olivia explained. "So I stayed there last night."

"I have to ask Olivia but are you sleeping with him?" Don asked knowing that she would have to tell him if there was a sexual relationship there because of cases he may defend.

"I… I wasn't." She said sinking back into the chair hating the fact she was having this conversation with the man who was like a father to her.

"But you are now?" He asked even though it was more of a statement that a question.

"Yeah." Olivia replied. "And we're in a relationship."

"Since when?" He asked.

"Yesterday." She told him which wasn't exactly a lie, that's when they'd mutually agreed to be in a relationship.

"You need to sign a disclosure form." He told her going into his drawer.

"I know." She sighed, it was more than embarrassing.

"Would you have told me had I not pulled you up about it?" He asked.

"Not today… but… but eventually." She said. "I wouldn't have compromised cases, if he would be here for a client before I disclosed I would have come to you."

"I believe you." He replied handing her the form.

"Thanks." She smiled softly.

"Go on get back to work." He said and she nodded and gave him a stronger smile before exiting the office.

* * *

It had been a quiet day so far for SVU. Fin and Amanda were out working on a cold case while Munch, Nick and Olivia worked in near silence on their paper work. No one was complaining though, even if they were bored.

"Livvie!" Olivia heard and she spun her chair around in time to see the entire softball team with Bayard Ellis walking into the bullpen.

"Hey guys what are you all doing here?" She asked accepting a hug from Molly and a kiss on the cheek from Bayard.

"Well we were talking in practise last week and we knew if we won we wouldn't be able to do it without you." Molly explained and Olivia laughed softly, she took no credit for the team winning the final. "So we talked to Dad and agreed you deserved a trophy and medal too."

Hannah stepped forward and coughed to get the girls attention and Olivia laughed forgetting that her co-workers including Don Cragen were watching.

"Lieutenant Olivia Benson…" Hannah said in a fake official manner making Olivia laugh softly. "This…" She reached into the wine gift bag she was holding and pulled out a medium sized trophy with a cheerleader on the top. "is presented to you by Ellis United little ladies league for being the best luck charm ever!"

The trophy was passed to Olivia and then Molly held the medal.

"This medal is a duplicate of the one we all got we thought you should have one too." She said and Olivia bent down so that Molly could put the medal on.

"Aww guys you shouldn't have." Olivia said with a wide smile on her face.

"Daddy?" Molly said raising her eyebrows.

Bayard gave a knowing nod and before Olivia realised what was going on Bayard had gripped her below the knees and lifted her into the air.

"Bayard put me down!" She squealed as she giggled.

"We. Are. Ellis United. We're gonna rock. This party. Show you who we are. We're. Ellis. United. Little Ladies league. We're champions, champions, champions of this game!" The girls chanted as Bayard held Olivia in the air and laughed with her.

When the girls cheered Bayard finally put Olivia down and she laughed and saw her co-workers standing and clapping to. Olivia wiped the tears from her eyes and allowed the girls to pull her into a group hug.

"Sorry to disturb you at work but they wanted to bring the trophy here for you." Bayard said pulling her into him gently.

"It's ok, it's been a quiet day." She replied accepting the kiss he planted on her cheek.

"Right come on girls let's leave Olivia to get back to work. Oh hold on…" Bayard handed her another gift bag. "You forgot your camera at my house this morning so after dropping you off to get your car I went and got that done." He said before kissing her cheek again making the girls www and laugh. "Come on girls let's go." He laughed and Olivia had a fixed smile on her face as she watched Bayard march the girls out of the squad room.

"Best lucky charm ever?" Don smiled as he came over to where Olivia was looking at the trophy in her hand.

"That's what it says." Olivia said showing the small plaque with her name on and 'Best Lucky Charm Ever' underneath.

"You've made an impact in their lives." Don said as she pulled the medal from around her neck.

"I've really enjoyed helping Bayard coach softball, it makes me feel like a teenager again." She chuckled softly as she placed the trophy on her desk and draped the medal over the arm of the cheerleader figure on the top of it.

She then went into the second gift bag and pulled out a silver frame. The picture was of her, Bayard and Molly, the one a parent had taken of them when they were soaking wet from the soda and smiling happily with Molly and the trophy.

"So they won their game?"

"Yeah champions of the little ladies league this year." Olivia smiled as she noticed the word engraved on the top of the photo frame.

"Family." Don said as Olivia's thumb swiped across the engraving. "I thought you only got in a relationship with him yesterday."

"I did." Olivia replied with a raise of her eyebrows. "But Molly said, a long time ago she said that we were a family, she said her family was the best any teenager could have and then said … she said she had the best Mom and Dad ever." Olivia said remembering back. "It was while we were having post-match hotdogs and … and I remember looking at Bayard so … so awkwardly but he was smiling and I guess we knew even then that she was right, we are a family even though Bayard and I weren't together, we weren't even sleeping together at the time I guess it was Molly's wishful thinking and this is… this is Bayard showing he agrees with her." Olivia said as the tears slipped down her cheek.

"Are you ok with that?" Don asked handing her a Kleenex from the box on her desk.

"Yeah. I think I am." Olivia smiled as she placed the photo frame beside the trophy. "They're happy tears Don."

"Good." Don smiled, he was genuinely happy for her and as long as she wasn't freaking out he was happy. "If it gets too much, just come and talk to me." He said before walking off and leaving her to get back to work.

She sat down and looked over at Nick who was still looking at her and smiling.

"What?" She frowned.

"It's not casual Tuesday." He said giving her a wink.

"What are you on about?" She asked confusion evident on her face.

"You left your camera at my place this morning." He said imitating Bayard.

"And?" Olivia wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of getting on up.

"And nothing, you just aren't wearing your normal clothes because you didn't sleep at home last night." He replied.

"Wow well done for putting two and two together." She said clapping her hands sarcastically. "It's none of your business, had it been I would have told you this morning." She said just as her phone vibrated.

_Chico's pizzeria tomorrow at one? Katie x_

Olivia's stomach dropped, in the excitement with Bayard and Molly she'd completely forgotten about lunch with Kathleen Stabler.

_Sounds good. Liv x_

She kept the reply simple and scribbled place and time on a post it note placing it on the edge of her computer so that she would be able to remember the next day, she knew it wasn't going to be easy or enjoyable.


	31. Meeting with a Stabler

**So not much left of this story now, I am literally updating as I am writing hence why lots of chapters per day!**

The next afternoon Olivia was sat in Chico's waiting for Kathleen. Before coming inside she'd smoked two cigarettes and taken two of her anti-anxieties knowing she needed them to keep her relaxed. She sat right in the back of the restaurant with her back to the door and sipped at her soda while waiting.

At ten past Olivia decided five more minutes and then she'd try and call Kathleen. While she was looking at her watch she jumped when she heard a voice behind her.

"Lieutenant Benson?"

Her mouth went dry and as she dropped her arm down she didn't turn to look at the man she knew standing behind her.

He walked round the table and slipped into the booth opposite her. She eyed him up and down, he'd not changed a bit, he looked healthier, happier but still the same old Elliot Stabler.

"Your daughter set me up." Olivia said after Elliot order his own drink.

"Not intentionally. She mentioned she was meeting you and I asked if she would mind if I would come instead because I knew you'd never agree to meet me."

"You're right." Olivia said putting her drink down and pulling a ten dollar bill from her purse to cover her drink. "I have nothing to say to you." She added dropping the money.

As she walked away she felt a hand grab her arm and she automatically turned around swinging a closed fist and making contact with Elliot's cheek.

"You son of a bitch how dare you come here?" She snapped not caring who was watching them.

"Liv I just want to talk…"

"Talk? A year! A whole year without a single word from you Elliot!" She hissed as he pulled her back to the stable with the hand that wasn't covering his inflamed cheek.

"I deserved that punch." He said taking an ice cube from his drink and pressing it to his cheek but then a waiter brought over some ice in a tea towel. "Thanks." Elliot said giving him the ten dollar bill Olivia had dropped on the table as a tip.

"Deserved it! You're lucky I don't shoot you for what you put me through Elliot!" She hissed once the waiter had walked off.

"Yeah I know." He agreed. "Just give me five minutes to explain myself and then you can walk off and forget about me if that's what you want to do."

"Five minutes." She replied sternly.

"After the shooting I became a nasty piece of work, I hurt you, my family, my wife… I was so angry and depressed and Kathy finally told me to get help or leave that she wasn't letting our kids suffer any more so I went to see a shrink and he said that I was too bad for him to help me and that I needed some inpatient treatment so… so I went to a facility upstate and I wasn't allowed to have any contact with anyone for a long time while I was being treated, my wife, my kids they didn't hear from or see me for five months Liv but the second I could I let them know what I had done and as soon as they could they visited but … but I couldn't tell you, not that I didn't want to because I really did, I wanted to talk to you to hear your voice but I couldn't face it and I… I couldn't face what you would think of me so I didn't contact you, I only got out of the facility three weeks ago, I've only just settled back into life… I now I hurt you and I know that I have no right to ask for your understanding or your forgiveness but I am asking, I need you to understand, I need you to forgive me." He reached over the table and took her hand while she wiped her tears.

"I would have supported you." Olivia said weakly.

"I know you would have but… but I was your partner Liv, the one that was supposed to have your back and I was so … so broken and I never wanted you to see me like that." He told her. N

"What about me?" She asked desperately. "Do you know what you leaving did to me?"

"Kathleen only said that you looked great and that you had a promotion and she showed me some pictures of you with that defence attorney in a couple of magazines." Elliot said. "I thought you were fine." He whispered feeling guilty.

"Fine?" She yelled. "Fine?" She asked again lowering her voice. "I've been far from fine Elliot." She wiped angrily at her tears. "I'm seeing a shrink once a week, I almost lost my job, I… I'm on medication, I started drinking now I've stopped and I'm… I'm smoking… you turned my life upside down Elliot, you were the only family I had." She told him as she cried and his blue eyes filled with tears when he realised just how much he'd broken Olivia. He'd shattered her like glass.

"I'm sorry." He told her squeezing her hand. "I'm so sorry."

"It's too late for sorry El." She whispered. "I'm sorry that I can't do this." She got up and gave him an apologetic look before walking out of the restaurant.

She drove to the one place she felt like she needed to be. She even had a cigarette as she drove breaking the law and a personal rule but she didn't care she had to.

* * *

Elliot felt like a prick. He quickly paid for his and Olivia's drink having given the waiter Olivia's money and then he quickly hurried off after her. He saw the wheels of her car exit the car park and he hoped he knew where she was going.

He jumped into his own car and drove the familiar route to the one six. His shrink had told him to go there and he had expected it to be hard but as he was too busy thinking about how much damage he had caused Olivia he didn't even hesitate in running up the squad room.

Without thinking he went straight to Don's office ignoring Munch and Fin who were staring at him intently.

"Elliot?" Don asked seeing his ex-detective walk into his office without knocking.

"Olivia didn't come back here?" He asked desperately.

"No she went to meet Kathleen for lunch…"

"No she met me, I asked Kathleen if she would mind me meeting Olivia instead of her… I had to explain myself to her."

"I can see that." He said looking at the black eye that was clearly visible.

"Yeah Olivia has a fantastic right hook." Elliot shrugged. "I explained to her everything Don… I … I went to a treatment centre that's why I haven't been able to get in touch with her, I got back three weeks ago… I screwed up… I didn't realise how bad all of this affected her Don if I would have known I would have talked to her before I went but I had to I was hurting my family…"

"Elliot calm down!" Don snapped, he could barely understand a word Elliot was saying he was so worked up.

"I'm worried Don where would Olivia have gone?" Elliot said. "She was a wreck leaving the restaurant and I know it's my fault but… but I'm worried she'll do something stupid."

"She told you then?" Don asked not wanting to give anything Olivia had confided in him away without being sure.

"She told me… she said she almost lost her job, said she was on pills and she was smoking that she was drinking too." Elliot said the guilt evident in his voice and face.

"So you know she's not in a good place." Don sighed running his hand over his face in frustration.

"I'm scared… It's been a year since I left… I didn't think it would affect her that much…If I'd known…"

"Elliot now is not the time!" Don snapped. "I need to find Olivia."

"Where would she have gone?" Elliot asked. "She wouldn't have gone home."

"I know, there's two places I can think of but it's best if you stay here." Elliot warned him.

Don walked to his desk and went to the disclosure form Olivia had given him, in the process she'd changed the details of her medical proxy to Bayard as it had been Don himself since Elliot had left but Olivia had said she felt guilty putting that sort of pressure on him even though he hadn't minded. He found Bayard's number and he knew if Olivia hadn't gone there not only would he worry Bayard but he'd also make Olivia angry that he'd told him she was missing but right now he didn't care, he needed to find her.

"Bayard it's Don Cragen, listen is Olivia with you?"

No she isn't, why has something happened?

"She uh… she ran into her old partner and is a bit upset and she's wondered off, I think I know where she is, I'll call you as soon as I find her though will you call me if she turns up there?"

Of course I will Don.

"Thank you, I'll talk to you later Bayard. Bye."

Don hung up and quickly saved the number in his cell phone.

"Bayard? The attorney?" Elliot asked.

"Olivia's boyfriend." Don replied and Elliot nodded, he was trying to work out what mess Olivia was in emotionally and mentally considering she had a boyfriend and had a promotion but he knew in a year a lot changes.

"I will call you when I find her." Don said grabbing his coat.

"Ok." Elliot nodded.

"Until then maybe you should go in there and explain to your best friends where you've been for a year and I wouldn't be surprised if they both hit you too." Don said.

"I don't deserve anything less." Elliot sighed getting to his feet and following Don out of the office.

* * *

Olivia threw another rock out into the empty horizon. She didn't know why she'd come here but when the one six, home and Bayard's house were out of the question it was the first place that had come into her mind. She'd been sat in the same place for forty minutes when she heard a car pull up.

One glance over her shoulder and she sighed, she should have known he'd find her if he wanted to. He saw her car first but when he saw her the relief he felt was indescribable and as soon as he was out of the car he walked calmly over to her and sat beside her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked throwing another rock and avoiding looking at him.

"Elliot came to the one six looking for you." Don explained.

"He had no right…" She hissed as she threw yet another rock.

"No he didn't but he did." Don replied softly.

The truth was while he drove frantically up to find Olivia he'd been thinking the same thing, he hadn't had a chance to get mad with Elliot because he'd been too busy worrying about Olivia.

"Why now?" She snapped throwing yet another rock. "A whole fucking year!"

"I know." Don said quietly but Olivia wasn't listening.

"When I was finally getting my life back together." She added as she looked out to the horizon and threw another rock.

Don sighed softly, she was right, she was finally getting her life together and Elliot Stabler had to walk in and spoil it for her.

"I can't…" She said before dropping her head into her hands and sobbing.

Don did the only thing he could and pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried herself dry.

When the sobbing subsided she didn't move, he didn't either, he continued to hold her as she spoke.

"I don't… I want nothing to do with him Don." She said softly as she rested her head on his shoulder and turned her eyes back to the horizon.

"I won't think any less of you if you walk in there and put a gun to his head for what he did to you… just don't shoot." He laughed softly.

"If he'd let me know, when he could, I would have supported him Don… or at least understood even if he told me not to contact him or visit him… if he'd let me know I would have understood and I … I wouldn't have been in such a bad way…" She explained weakly.

"I know." Don agreed. "He couldn't have been in a good place to go into that place though Olivia."

"I know." Olivia sighed. "That's why I feel so bad."

"He's at the one six explaining himself to your brothers, if you want I'll call him and tell him to leave before we get there, or I'll call Olivet and have you talk to her or have her play mediator while you talk to each other… it's completely up to you." Don told her as he stroked her hair softly.

"I don't know what I want to do." Olivia whispered weakly. "A part of me wants to tell him to fuck off, that he should have stayed away but… but he's my family Don, he's my best friend and… and I guess I want to try and salvage something of that in some way… but I don't know if I can."


	32. Making a Decision

Olivia's decision hadn't been anything that Don had suggested. She asked him to tell Elliot where they were and have him come to meet them. Don let her sit in silence for a little while they waited for Elliot but the silence was deafening and he had questions.

"Why?" Don asked.

"Why what?" Olivia replied softly, she wasn't angry with Don and there was no way she was going to make it out that she was.

"Why ask him to come here?" Don said softly.

"Well, you told me your wife and you would come here and talk, said it helped being able to look out there and talk through your problems." Olivia explained and Don smiled remembering telling Olivia about his wife.

Just then a car pulled up and Olivia knew it was Elliot.

"Would you mind…"

"Leaving?" Don asked.

"No. Just give us some space?" Olivia replied shakily.

"I'll sit in the car." Don smiled and Olivia gave him a grateful smile as he stood up.

Don gave Elliot a warning look as he walked past and got into his car and Elliot sat where Don had been just seconds before while Olivia continued to throw rocks out into the horizon.

"It's a beautiful view." Elliot said.

"Yeah." Olivia replied softly. "Don bought me here when … when I was in a bad place." Olivia explained.

"I'm really…"

"Don't." She interrupted. "I don't want an apology Elliot."

"Ok." Elliot nodded not knowing what else to say to her.

"What I want to say is that you hurt me Elliot and the only reason I didn't tell Don to tell you to fuck off is because I need closure…"

Elliot's head snapped towards her but he said nothing knowing she hadn't finished talking yet.

"Yes Elliot I need closure from you, I can't let you back into my life, I closed that door on you and our friendship a long time ago and the last thing I need is you back. I've been so happy recently, with Bayard and now a part of me is glad that you turned up today so that I get the chance to say goodbye and wish you all the best for the future because there isn't room for you in my life anymore." Olivia explained tearfully. "And for that, I'm sorry."

"So this is it?" Elliot asked weakly.

"I'm afraid so Elliot. Thank you for being my best friend and the best partner I could have ever wished for when I came to SVU but I've moved on, you should too." Olivia said getting to her feet, Elliot was quick to follow.

"Goodbye El." Olivia said softly and Elliot couldn't resist wrapping her up in a hug.

"Please stay in touch Liv." He pleaded.

"Maybe we can meet up for lunch in the future or something but for now … now I need to live for me El." She said pulling away.

She placed her hand on his cheek and wiped away his tears with her thumb.

"I know things have been difficult for you since the shooting but they have been for me to, I can't see myself forgiving you easily Elliot, and until I can do that I can't see you or speak with you again. So for now this, this is goodbye." She reached up on her tip toes and gently kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry." She said before walking off.

Elliot just stood completely stunned while her car pulled away and he glanced quickly at Cragen who had started his own car and Don knew there and then what Olivia's decision had been and he knew that she would need him now.

* * *

Don followed Olivia's car all the way from the cliff and back to the one six. While she turned one way for her parking space and he another for his own he knew she would meet him up in his office and that she was aware he'd followed him back.

She took a moment after exiting the car to have a cigarette, she needed one after the conversation she'd had will Elliot. The truth was she knew she'd done the right thing, for now, she needed to concentrate on herself, her own happiness and in the past year Elliot Stabler had brought nothing but unhappiness into her life and now she knew she could focus solely on her relationship with Bayard and getting her own mental health back on the right track.

Once she'd doused her cigarette she made her way up to Don's office where he was impatiently waiting for her.

"Sorry had a smoke before coming up." She said knowing he'd wondered what was keeping her.

"Ok." Don said passing her a can of soda while she sat down on the tattered couch beneath the window. "Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah." She said calmly with a soft, subtle smile.

"What did you say to him?" Don asked unsure whether it was appropriate to ask but he was too intrigued not to.

"That at the moment there's no room for him in my life." Olivia sighed. "I have to focus on me now Don, now I have the answer to why he hasn't been in touch for a year I'm content, I can put him and all of it behind me now, I told him for now I need to leave him behind but maybe in the future we can have some form of friendship." Olivia explained. "I have to focus on me and my happiness now, that's my job and my relationship."

"I'm proud of you Olivia." Don smiled. "This is one step closer to getting you better."

"I know." Olivia replied. "I really do know."


	33. Gluing Glass

**So this is kinda the last chapter because what happens at the end of this chapter is kind of the opening to the sequel, I had planned forty chapters but I fit it into less, promise you though the sequel is coming!**

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Olivia had said goodbye to Elliot and each day she grew mentally stronger and stronger while her relationship with Bayard blossomed. Molly was back in school which meant they weekdays they were near enough separate but on weekends Olivia would stay at Bayard's whether she had to work or not just to enjoy breakfast with Molly and Bayard, it had been Molly's idea.

It was Saturday and Olivia walked into the one six in a great mood which wasn't unusual for the guys at the one six to witness. They smiled and said hello as she passed around the coffee's she'd stopped to buy on the way.

She took Cragen's in for him and her hand automatically went for the breathalyzer, it had become a routine now but when her hand hit the wood of the table she looked at her Captain in surprise.

"Liv it's been weeks, I think I can trust you now." He said with a smile.

She smiled back at him and gave him a curt nod before heading for the door.

"Wait Liv I wanted to talk to you about something." He said quickly so Olivia turned around and slipped into a chair opposite his desk.

"What's up Cap?" She asked.

"First how are you?" He asked and Olivia knew that it didn't mean in general, he meant after everything that had happened.

"You know… I haven't had a cigarette since the day I saw Elliot, I haven't touched the anti-anxieties since then either and I feel… I feel great Don, I'm so happy that it's just indescribable." Olivia said with a broad smile which lit up her face.

"That's great." Don smiled, he was genuinely pleased for her. "The reason I'm asking is… how would you like to get back out into the field?"

Olivia's smile widened if that was actually possible.

"I think I'm ready Cap." She said confidently.

"Good. You've got a DB." He said handing her the slip that had come in seconds before she had. "Take Nick, I think he's sick to his stomach of working with Munch and will be pleased to have his partner back."

* * *

Two hours later and Olivia and Nick were walking back into the bullpen. Don kept a close eye on Olivia to see how she was since being back in the field that morning but he had nothing to worry about, she looked just as happy coming back as she had been leaving his office that morning. She looked over at him and caught his eyes and she gave him a confident smile to calm his nerves. He gave her a nod in reply and a small, subtle smile before getting back to his office knowing she could handle leading the investigation fully as Lieutenant.

He knew then that when he was finally ready to retire, which wasn't any day soon mind, that his squad would be left in the very capable hands of Lieutenant Benson, who he also hoped by then would be Captain. First though, he had to persuade her to take the exam and that alone would be a challenge but if anyone could do it then it would be Olivia.

* * *

At the end of the day Olivia went back to Bayard's, she had her own key and as soon as she'd opened the door Molly's arms were around her.

"Hey Mol." Olivia smiled returning the hug, Molly always rushed to the door when she heard Olivia arrive the house.

"Hey Livvie." Molly smiled. "Dad's making dinner it should be ready now."

Olivia smiled as she took her key from the door and kicked it shut. Automatically she slipped off her coat and hung it up before taking off her shoes and placing them on the rack.

She then walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Bayard's waist and kissed his neck.

"Good day?" He asked her softly as he continued preparing dinner.

"Yeah, went back out into the field for the first time today." Olivia smiled. "It was nice being back out there I'd started to forget what it was like hanging around rape victims and dead bodies." Olivia laughed softly and Bayard smiled.

"Well why don't you get washed up, dinner is almost ready." He said turning around to kiss her properly.

"Mmm, ok." She smiled before making her way upstairs for a quick shower as she did every time, it was a routine for them now.

* * *

After her shower Olivia, Molly and Bayard sat around the dinner table and once Bayard said Grace they dug into the pasta bake he'd made.

"So Mol what did you and your Dad do today?" Olivia asked making the usual friendly chit-chat they had over dinner.

"We began painting the basement bedroom for me, I can't wait!" Molly beamed, the room she was talking about had been promised as a fourteenth birthday gift as it had its own en suite and separate study.

"That's great, maybe I could help tomorrow?"

"You're off?" Molly asked.

"On call so as long as I'm not needed then I'm off." Olivia smiled at the teenager, she loved spending time with Olivia who she called 'Mom' to all her friends.

"Yes!" Molly beamed.

Once dinner was done with Bayard severed up the ice cream while Olivia placed the trimmings on the table for them all to make their own ice cream sundaes. Olivia didn't fail to notice the increase in excitement in Molly the further along dinner they went and when she finished her ice cream and sat there continuing conversations instead of running off to do her own thing for an hour before having a movie Olivia began to get suspicious. Which she had every right to.

Bayard fumbled nervously without letting it on to Olivia. He'd been planning today with Molly who'd agreed that this was how it should be done. He remembered back to Mrs McCaa's birthday when she had pulled Bayard to one side while Olivia discussed crime statistics with Mr McCaa and he'd been told to put a ring on her finger as they weren't getting any younger.

The truth was since Olivia had turned up and told him about Elliot Stabler and then divulged everything about herself to him he'd known he wanted to be with this woman in front of him for the rest of his life. She'd told him how Molly and he made her happy and that's all he could have hoped and wished for. Getting to this point with Olivia had been like gluing glass, the pieces all fit but the cracks still showed. He hoped he could fix that.

"Olivia." Bayard said softly as Molly came back to the table having deposited their bowls in the dishwasher.

"Yeah?" She asked seeing Bayard's eyes asking her for all of her attention. "The past three months with you have been absolute bliss. I understand at the start of our relationship you had your own problems to deal with and were hesitant but I have fallen head over heels in love with you as has Molly. I want this to be, not only something we do every weekend but something we do every night for the rest of our lives. Olivia will you complete me and become my wife?"

Her mouth fell open as he slipped the box out of his pocket and opened it in front of him. Molly giggled nervously as they waited for an answer.

"Bayard." She said in a whisper and he swallowed hard, this had been too soon…


End file.
